The Phoenix Rising Collective

Inspiring Women to be Self-Love in Action


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Manifesting Her Happiness: A Vision Board Workshop

Vision Board Workshop Banner[The Phoenix Rising Collective]

I’m excited about this one, Phoenix! I love a creative way to life map and goal set so that you can manifest what you really want for your life, and making a vision board is definitely an awesome visualization tool for this very purpose.

A vision board is creative clarity, so much so that I created a workshop and am sharing my must-haves for keeping your attention on your intentions.

Manifesting Her Happiness: 5 Must-Haves for Clarity on What You Really Want will support you in setting specific goals for the new year while connecting with women who are committed to doing the same.

2016 is right around the corner (Crazy, right?!) so this is the perfect time to get clear about manifesting our version of what it means to be happy.

All materials/supplies to create your vision board will be provided.

Space is limited, so click HERE for more details + to register.

 


 

Ayanna_Prof_Headshot[Mktg_Phoenix2]Ayanna Jordan is founder, personal empowerment coach, and workshop leader for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She develops and facilitates women-centered workshops with a focus on how putting self-love into action can transform your life. She also creates personal empowerment coaching seminars and training that support women’s professional growth in leadership, entrepreneurship, and passion-filled work.  “I believe a change agent is someone who is in alignment with what she loves to do, and then connects, utilizes, and shares that love to make a difference and transform lives.”

Interested in scheduling a workshop or group coaching session? Book Ayanna for your next event.


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The Phoenix Book of the Week: Releasing That Relationship: Gaining Clarity from the Heartbreak of a Breakup or Divorce That Nearly Broke Your Spirit

Releasing That Relationship [the phoenix rising collective]

Our Phoenix Book of the Week is Monique Allison’s new book:

Releasing That Relationship: Gaining Clarity from the Heartbreak of a Breakup or Divorce That Nearly Broke Your Spirit

Releasing That Relationship [monique allison]If your relationship has already ended, or you’re in a space of readiness to end it, this book was written for you. My intentions are to help you get rid of your barriers to getting clarity around what you need and how your relationship doesn’t fulfill those needs. Once you’re clear about what you need to feel loved and secure in your relationship, you can decide what to release in order to make room for the love you want to experience.

This book is a collection of everything I’ve experienced and learned about getting past barriers of letting go of an unhealthy relationship of seven years.

I also share practical steps on what I did to get through mental & emotional blocks in order to be more decisive in the state of confusion.  I know a lot of women will benefit from my personal experience because it allowed me to create a healthier space needed to reclaim a strong sense of self, which in turn prepared me for a healthier and happy relationship.

A SPECIAL OFFER of Releasing That Relationship is available now through October 4th, so take advantage of this while you can! Click HERE for details.

Monique is also a contributing writer for The Phoenix Rising Collective; check out her latest article: Reconnecting with Yourself: 3 Powerful Ways to Start

 

Interested in sharing a book with us? Please click here to send your request for more details on submitting a book entry.


More about the Author:

Monique Allison is a Relationship Clarity Coach. Her personal experience, observation, and insight gained over the years allows her to help women release unhealthy relationships and heal from broken ones in order to love again from a more self-loving and authentic space. She is also the mother of 10-year-old son, Pharaoh. Monique’s background/experience is in the nonprofit sector working for United Way of Metropolitan Atlanta (UWMA) for 13 years; holding the position as the Quality Assurance Manager. She has achieved a B.A. in Psychology from Clark Atlanta University, is AIRS Certified as an Information & Referral Specialist, attained a Creative Writer Certificate from Kennesaw State University. Monique has also taught life skills to young adults for two years. Learn more about Monique’s work helping women build healthy relationships HERE.


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Reconnecting with Yourself: 3 Powerful Ways to Start

reconnecting with yourself [the phoenix rising collective]

We are usually taught to focus on others needs before our own. There are articles about helping us build healthy relationships with our partners and loved ones, magazine covers telling us what we need to do to attract a man, and books on being a good mother, etc. I have no problem with any of this because I believe in creating happy and healthy relationships with others, but on the flip side I don’t hear nearly as much about the most important relationship in our lives: the one with ourselves.

As women we are more likely to compromise in our relationships, especially romantic ones. I see how easy it is for us to have more of an external focus and lose our sense of self, and I’m not okay with that…anymore. I say anymore because I had this self-sacrificing thought process at one point. From personal experience I know how easy it is for us to get caught up in others and not realize that we are disconnected from ourselves.

What happens when you don’t have a true connection to self?

One of my past downfalls in relationships was not having a strong sense of self. I got lost in my past marriage and other roles I played. Because of that I didn’t make conscious choices based on who I was and what I wanted. Instead my choices were formed around what others wanted and needed. I used to go along with it and in the end that approach never served me. This can show up in any type of relationship that we deem important and for that reason I encourage you to always stay connected to who you are.  Also, as a mother with a child who has special health-care needs (due to chronic illnesses), I learned very fast how important it is to make sure I develop a healthy relationship with myself first and foremost. Being a caregiver is very overwhelming at times and I need to maintain my overall well-being in order to take on what comes my way and to also be my best self in the relationships I value.

Have you been ignoring any signals that clearly show a disconnect with self?

Outside of relationships we also get lost in life. With all the tasks, people, and activities competing for our attention every day, it’s so easy to get misplaced in the routine and lose touch with ourselves. In the end, your life is about your journey and it starts with rediscovering a relationship with YOU.

“Having a good relationship with yourself improves your relationships with others.”

How you are living should be aligned with how you see yourself authentically. Reconnecting to who you are and showing up as your true self will make you happier, reduce stress, and also make your relationship experiences more fulfilling.

The following are some ways to start reconnecting with self:

1. Spend Time Alone

Life happens really fast and it’s up to you to slow things down. Therefore, the first thing you must do is take time for yourself. You just have to disconnect externally and go inward. Spending time alone with no social media or cell phone is a good place to start. Most of us are connected all the time making it very easy to get out of touch with how we feel. It’s so important to be alone every day for personal reflection and check-in. You can start off with just 15 to 30 minutes a day. If you stay committed to it you will start to crave that time.

2. Write

It’s inevitable that your mind will wonder about what else you can do during alone time besides just sitting with yourself, so take a journal with you to capture your thoughts. Writing is a great way to give what’s rolling around in your head some room to breathe. By putting your thoughts on paper you’ll begin to sift through mental clutter, process, and let go of stuff that needs to be discarded. Writing is a way of clarifying and releasing. It also reveals where you’re stuck. There are no rules. Just write!

3. Perform Self-Inquiry

After you move past your surface thoughts use these guided questions to get you on the path of reconnecting:

  • Are you really focused on what matters to you?
  • Is your life in alignment with what you believe and what you feel is really worthwhile?
  • Are you engaged in at least one thing that you love doing?
  • How are you relating to yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially?
  • Are your needs being met in the most important areas of your life?
  • Are you happy with self and your life?
Answering these questions is just a start because this will trigger other questions for you. A heightened sense of awareness will develop and prompt you to re-examine your relationship with self much further.

Whatever shows up for you while answering these questions, I want you to practice self-compassion. If a painful thought or feeling comes up be understanding. Ask yourself the following: How would I respond to someone I care about if they were having a difficult time with something? What comforting words would I say to them? Then say those same words to yourself.

Self-exploration processes are beneficial to understanding who you are and how that transfers into making decisions in your relationships. When you have a sense of clarity you’re more likely to engage in relationships and experiences that enhance and improve the quality of your life, and I want that for you.

Let’s start a dialogue around this topic, leave a comment and let me know what’s most challenging for you to stay connected to yourself.


Meet the Contributing Writer:

MoniqueHalleyContributor[thephoenixrisingcollective]1Monique Allison is a Relationship Clarity Coach. Her personal experience, observation, and insight gained over the years allows her to help women release unhealthy relationships and heal from broken ones in order to love again from a more self-loving and authentic space. She is also the mother of 10-year-old son, Pharaoh. Monique’s background/experience is in the nonprofit sector working for United Way of Metropolitan Atlanta (UWMA) for 13 years; holding the position as the Quality Assurance Manager. She has achieved a B.A. in Psychology from Clark Atlanta University, is AIRS Certified as an Information & Referral Specialist, attained a Creative Writer Certificate from Kennesaw State University. Monique has also taught life skills to young adults for two years. Learn more about Monique’s work helping women build healthy relationships HERE.


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SELF-LOVE TIP OF THE DAY: Accept, Embrace, and Celebrate Your Uniqueness

self love tip[the phoenixrisingcollective]

Just a little reminder, and an affirmation to support your self-acceptance! Let this be your focus, Phoenix. There is no one like you, and that’s a damn good thing! Affirm and celebrate your uniqueness in this world. It is a gift; express your gratitude.

 


 

About the Contributing Writer:

Ayanna_Prof_Headshot[Mktg_Phoenix2]Ayanna Jordan is the founder and executive director of The Phoenix Rising Collective, and the editor-in-chief for Phoenix Shine, The PRC’s online community. She has always had a passion to empower women, especially through writing, coaching, and teaching. She is happy that Phoenix Shine offers resources and provides awareness on what it means to truly love who you are. From forgiving others (and yourself) to taking time for spiritual practice, this forum is all a part of the journey to authenticity. Right now, she is most inspired by the LYFF series and She Makes It Beautiful. You can also learn more about Ayanna HERE.


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ARTIST FEATURE: Letting Your Spirit Be Your Guide – An Interview with Dr. Joyce Piert

Artist Feature_Joyce Piert_The Phoenix Rising Collective

 

The Phoenix Rising Collective’s Artist Feature, curated by Traci Currie, interviews women artists who use their talents and creativity to fully express self-love, build self-esteem, and nurture their own authenticity while inspiring others. Creative expressions may range from performing to painting to writing to travel and everything in between. Our goal is to share how these empowered women cultivate agency, healing, and happiness through fulfilling their passion.

This Artist Feature is Dr. Joyce Piert:

Joyce_Piert[The Phoenix Rising Collective]

“As a God-being we are creators. We create the world.” -Dr. Joyce Piert

What a difficult and easy article to write this month. Why? “Because we are of each other’s likeness,” the feature artist said to me. When you sit in the presence of your likeness sometimes you aren’t ready to see or hear a truth about yourself. Her name is Joyce Piert, affectionately known as Dr. P in the community in which she resides. I have spent some time with Dr. P this past summer, and the experience has been extraordinary. I begin by defining her as Limitless. Energetic. Overabundant. Infectious. All-empowering. Encompassing. Divine. Imagine being surrounded by this sort of energy: Pretty powerful!

We begin with age because she says it’s a vulnerable subject for her. She explained, “Society has predetermined that there’s a certain experience you begin to have at different ages.” We are constantly reminded of these expectations that shape our identity. Dr. P continuously destroys these societal expectations. Having been on earth for almost six decades, she has honed in on tackling the spirit of age in the body in which she dwells. “I feel a societal pull that says you should have 50 bottles of medication, concerned about your health, less active when you pass the half-century milestone. There’s all these expectations that aren’t healthy and wholesome, because it’s the downward pull that attempts to speak to me versus the upward mobility that I wish to actually live.” This vibrant woman is of many ages. At one point she mentioned being 35, 18 and 5. She had me recall what those ages were like. There’s a vitality and youthful glow surrounding our existential being. This is attributed to the innocence of our youth. She talked about experiencing a spiritual rebirth. “We tend to separate this spirituality from this creative way of living. But it’s only in spirituality that we can create. As a God-being we are creators. We create the world.” As children, we develop those skills to create. Moreover, the wonderment to creating is limitless in a child’s mind. Have you ever seen a child that wants to touch everything, go everywhere and say as much as possible in whatever language befitting to that child? Yes, that’s Dr. P.

She Shares Her Story: Mapping the Spiritual Evolution

I was in class talking to students and I said, “What is it you are passionate about?” They turned it around by asking me, “What is it Dr. P that you are passionate about?” And I said, “I create masterpieces. My masterpieces are people.” Once I assist people in finding out what they are passionate about then I assist them in that creation so they can create their own masterpieces. She gave an example. She referred to one person being a diamond hidden among rubble. It’s easy to discard gems that don’t look the part from first or second glance, which is why, she explained, it takes a trained-spiritual eye. This instance led to her sharing her journey as an artist-writer, educator, masterpiece creator and so much more.

I grew up in the civil rights era. It was in the 1970s when the Black Muslims opened a school and I taught 2nd and 3rd grade. I was 17 years old. I actually became a Black Muslim at age 12. I was considered the revolutionary in the family. At 14 or 15 I was a squad leader meaning I was a leader over a group of Muslim women. During this time I was being mentored to lead others who were older than I. At 17, I started teaching in our school and two years later I was married. The philosophy I lived by was Black Nationalism. It was being fused into my being daily. In my mid-20s Elijah Muhammad died and a transition occurred. I started to work in a factory and my views began shifting.

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In my 30s I became Christian. I believe this was evolution. I was at a point in my life where I wanted something else and my attachment to Islam was diluted. There was a call in my soul for something, and people started showing up and coming into my life. But I was too radical for the church. For instance, I ended up being put out of two different churches because of my radicalism or energetic spirit. Bottom line, I had a strong spiritual connection through unction. I spoke aloud in the spirit and this made others uncomfortable or at least they felt I was disrespectful. My understanding was that I let my spirit speak. However, the two churches thought it was out-of-order. Interestingly enough, I was asked to come back to the churches – even to teach a class. There was a lot of growth and discomfort in this realization.

As I progressed and developed, my relationship with the Creator strengthened. I learned that the church was not the key to my direct connection to my Higher Power. My church was without walls. So, at this time, I am working at General Motors as an electrician and I recall through prayer I was told to quit my job at GM and return to school. I did and pursued education. During this period, I also had two children in high school. My children had always struggled in a traditional public school, although they were in a two-parent home, middle working class community, with everything being copacetic. Something wasn’t right, though. The other kids around them were struggling as well. I started volunteering at the school. As a volunteer I saw students get D’s and E’s, and I wept, because I was wondering how were they going to get into college with these grades. So I returned to my roots – “self determination.” I knew if this work was going to get done, I had to be the one to step in to help and do it. Also during this time I divorced after 21 years of marriage.

Once I got my bachelors I started a summer program that ran for 5 years. It featured language arts, mathematics, and African American studies. Then I remarried and moved to Shreveport, Louisiana and pursued my masters. These studies focused on charter schools. Soon after I returned to Michigan State University for Education Administration; that’s when a book idea came to me.

So here I am in my Ph.D. at Michigan State. I started to look at identity and who we are as Black people. My research looked at African American experiences in an African American centered based school model. In my research I wanted to find out if it was worth using this model. Over the years the research and application shaped this book I published June 2015: Alchemy of the Soul: An African Centered Education

I asked what present space she is in. She responded: I started this school, I AM Institute for Learning. It wound up being a school focused on consciousness and metaphysics. I had no idea what it would become. I simply listened to spirit. And it became a school that evolved as I evolved. It was reflective of my own spiritual journey. The people around me that joined me in shaping this school were playmates. They were having the same experiences I was. And they all found me. They evolved and are evolving at their own rate. Unlike traditional schools, there is no requirement or grade level, and there is no assessment. Wherever you are is where you are supposed to be.

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I end the way I began; the challenge and ease in writing this article is linked to the question I asked her – “Why do you think we were drawn together?” This question is important, because I do feel like I am in a turning point in my life and it appears Dr. P stepped into my world very intentionally in a head-strong/heart-strong way. She said, “I called you forth and you came as a playmate. You agreed to come and play.” She’s right. I am in that playful phase in life. I have been serious for so long. I followed rules to a tee, even if the rules made no sense for or to me. There’s nothing to regret in my journey, even if there are moments I choose not to revisit. But Dr. P shows me that there really isn’t much to fear except fear itself. And that sort of phobia is frightening – the idea that fear simply shows up and hovers over your thoughts and abilities! She repeatedly says to me, “Stop overthinking. Stop. Stop. Stop. PLAY! Be passionate in your playing. Play and watch the world play with you.” Oh how I love to play in the world of ART. Because when I play I am at the height of my game – Unstoppable. Energetic. Limitless. Overabundant. Divine. It’s time to PLAY BALL!

 


 

About the Contributing Writer:

traci_currie[contributor]the phoenix rising collectiveTraci Currie is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes The PRC will help young women reach their highest potential.  “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.” Check out more of her posts.

 


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Where Are All the Wild Women? Stand Up!

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Wild women where are you? Stand up! You already know that what’s meant for your life is written in the Universe so there’s plenty of room for other sisters to shine. No need for envy, right? You’re too busy manifesting your own purpose. And the women in your life? You genuinely love, support, uplift, affirm, and celebrate them on your journeys to greatness.

Breathe it in, Wild Woman! Be self-love in action.

 


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It’s Time to Let Go: Here’s a Self-Care Challenge to Help You Do It!

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“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find your Self, rooted in awareness and creativity. Once you have captured this, you have captured the world.” -Deepak Chopra

SEPTEMBER IS HERE! Are you ready to let go?

The phoenix has the power to heal herself when hurt or wounded, rising from the experience stronger. She burns fiercely and reduces to ashes to emerge a new bird.

During this time of the year, a change of season, particularly fall, I especially think of what the phoenix symbolizes: transformation, resilience and renewal.

As we gently move into the new season, think about your own transformation. Like the beautiful fire bird what will you release in order to grow and emerge anew? How have you persevered this year? Been resilient?

I have a self-care challenge for you: This month reflect on the questions above and also jot down what you are going to release. Yes, get a journal, answer the questions as honestly as possible, and also write the following affirmation: I am letting go of____________.  (Fill in the blank.)

Honor your stream of consciousness by letting whatever comes to mind flow through you. Here are examples: I am letting go of hurtful experiences of the past. I am letting go of body shame. I am letting go of financial dysfunction. I am letting go of control. There isn’t a specific number of affirmations to list; you may stop writing when you feel ready to put the pen down. Significant breakthroughs happen in the process and you will physically feel lighter because you are affirming to the universe that you surrender. It is a declaration that you are clearing space to manifest what you really want.

Be willing to let go of what’s weighing you down. This is preparation for gaining strength to keep moving forward, to ascend, to shine, and to rise brilliantly.

NEXT WEEK:

I can’t wait to share with you what I am letting go of; I also have an additional self-care challenge that accompanies the one of above, so get ready!  Be self-love in action, Phoenix. You got this!

Happy September.

 


 

Ayanna_Prof_Headshot[Mktg_Phoenix2]Ayanna Jordan is the founder and executive director of The Phoenix Rising Collective, and the editor-in-chief for Phoenix Shine, The PRC’s online community. She has always had a passion to empower women, especially through writing, coaching, and teaching. She is happy that Phoenix Shine offers resources and provides awareness on what it means to truly love who you are. From forgiving others (and yourself) to taking time for spiritual practice, this forum is all a part of the journey to authenticity. Right now, she is most inspired by the LYFF series and She Makes It Beautiful. You can also learn more about Ayanna HERE.

 

 


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Stop Fitness Journey Comparisons: Be Patient!

fitness journey comparisons[the phoenix rising collective]

Your fitness journey is your journey and looks completely different than your sister/mother/best friend/neighbor.

In my professional life I am in the middle of an executive leadership training. With the help of my mentor, we have decided I need to work on patience. Not just how to have it, but the awareness of when it is necessary. So many times in life we want something and we want it now, but in reality that rarely happens. In contrast, there are times when patience is not necessary; we can work hard to get where we want and quickly get there.

I am sharing this lesson this month because it is relevant to health and fitness: There are times when we need to be patient with ourselves but there are also times when we should push ourselves to get to the next level more quickly.

When you start a new fitness program you must have patience; you may have been in the best shape of your life at 20 years old but today is a different journey, a different and new you. It will take a few weeks to build endurance to get back to your higher level, but know that you can get there. Your fitness journey is your journey and looks completely different than your sister/mother/best friend/neighbor.

However, when you’re in the middle of your training, push yourself, do that extra push up or hold that plank for an extra five seconds. This would be a place in fitness where no patience is required. Go for it! Fitness isn’t always comfortable, but it is effective.

I’ve added a video that shows a few exercises to strengthen your arms and legs. Remember to keep your abs engaged in all exercises (in towards your belly button like you are bracing yourself for a punch). When you do the leg workout, stay low with your knees bent. See how many of each exercise you can complete in twenty seconds; recount every other week and watch your progress!

 

One more quick fitness analogy about goals and patience: In my super-hot and super-awesome yoga class, the instructor had the class doing a very long balance sequence. My leg was burning by the end and my balance looked like I had just taken three shots of tequila. I wasn’t the only person in class struggling during this very hot and very hard sequence. She reminded the class that we needed to focus on something in front of us – not too far in the distance – that was still. Hmm, yes! Was this particular yogi in my executive leadership training call? This is life: Stay focused on a fixed target in your near future that is attainable, but not too far that you lose balance. When your goal seems too difficult and your life is a little wobbly, recommit your gaze to that fixed target. Find your inner strength and keep going. As the instructor also pointed out, if you lose balance and fall a little, readjust. That is OK. That is life. Most people know that adding physical exercise to their daily routine is good for the heart and body, but it is also a mental exercise. When you’re out for a jog, getting down on some Zumba, or listening to the hardest music set you have while completing your bench press set for the day, you are exercising your body AND mind.

I hope each and every one of you finds patience and the awareness of when to have it. Stay strong and on your fixed target. Make the new season about your health and personal fitness goals. Exercise your body and your mind.

In fitness, health and happiness,

Megan


 

About the Contributing Writer:

image9Megan Weidner is a fitness coach and environmentalist in the Akron/Canton, Ohio area. She manages a global sustainability and corporate responsibility program for a large multinational company; her areas include environmental compliance, social equity, community engagement and health and wellness. Megan is also devoted to Rock. It. Fitness., her fitness and natural skincare business. She is committed to making the world a better, more environmentally friendly and healthier place through motivation and education. She is certified through AFAA and Tabata Bootcamp.  She has a B.S. in Soil, Environmental, and Atmospheric Science (University of Missouri), a Graduate Certificate in Environmental Management and Policy (University of Denver) and an M.P.A (University of Missouri).  She lives in Green, Ohio with her husband and three kids. Read her latest posts.


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SELF-LOVE TIP OF THE WEEKEND: Through Self-Love You Learn How to Love

Tathina LYFF Feature2 [thephoenixrisingcollective]

Through self-love, I have learned how to love. Period. Loving myself when I was in a personal hell or when I was considered wrong or when I was stripped of everything I once used as a distraction taught me how to love all of existence. Compassion started to grow. I have discovered that when I’m taking care of myself, everything else is taken care of (even when my mind judges it to be wrong). Yes, some who are not in peace with this change may not be happy with my self-love/self-care and will get their feathers ruffled and think I’m selfish. This is their issue to make peace with.

Selfishness is expecting others to do for you what you should be doing for yourself. Self-love is our sole responsibility and freedom. It is empowering for all! I allow those that don’t accept me for who I am to leave my Life; this is their freedom and mine to be ourselves. Namasté.

 

Did you miss our Phoenix feature, Tathina’s, Love Yourself First! Friday story? Well, check it out here.

Have a great weekend, Phoenix! Be self-love in action.


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IT’S LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! FRIDAY: This Phoenix is Tathina

LYFF_Tathina[thephoenixrisingcollective]

Love Yourself First! Friday (LYFF) is part of our Shed Light series collection. We invite women to tell their LYFF stories to inspire and empower others to also fiercely demonstrate self-love in action.  The questions are meant to  “shed light” on various ways our featured Phoenixes are making self-care and intentional living a priority.

This week’s wholehearted Phoenix is Tathina:

I am learning to love, accept, and allow everyone freedom to simply be…however they are in the moment.

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“I am in peace with being alone. I would not have thought this could be possible for me years ago though! Aloneness is different than loneliness. Aloneness is innate to each of us. We are connected through this Love-space.”

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

I was taught, like many of us were taught: to put others before Self, to put myself last after everything and everyone else. Taking care of myself was seen as selfish and wrong. With this social conditioning, I felt like I needed to be punished or perfected because I wasn’t okay or good enough as I was. I wasn’t allowed to simply rest in the moment. Some goal always needed to get done first and I had to postpone this deep rest I was yearning for. For years I tried to do this. I tried to put myself into a box of “doing it right.” I tried being what I thought others wanted. I sought to please others and to also help others through studying psychology in college. But during my senior year, I realized that I was not fulfilled. I had a lovely mask on. I may have tricked others into thinking I was happy, but I was far from it. I realized I was not giving myself love and seeking it outside of me. I truly didn’t know how to love anyone else because this love was not discovered within me yet. I sought to find true fulfillment through relationships, spiritual paths and texts, careers, material things – everything that came across my path – but none of it lasted.

Loving myself first means putting myself first. This means not taking care of other people, but really taking care of myself, as only I know what I need and only others know what they need. This means allowing myself to be however I am in the moment, and allowing myself to feel however I feel. It means not fighting with fear, but using it as an invitation to really discover what cannot die in the moment. Self-love is stopping when I know I need to stop. It is allowing mistakes and not trying to be perfect. This means ignoring the idea that I am not good enough.

What I have discovered is that when I love myself first, put myself first, cherish the Life that is expressing itself through and as me, this is inspiration for others to do the same.

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy, eating, spiritual practice, etc.)

I am always learning how to take care of myself more in all areas as Life guides me. Meditation has been a blessed key – not just sitting for a few minutes and then going back to giving attention to the thoughts and stories in the mind for all the other hours in the day (though it definitely started this way). This is also not meditation where I am striving for something to happen or appear. It is very simple. Along the way, I discovered Satsang, which means coming together in truth or meeting in truth in Sanskrit: Sat means Truth and sangha is being in company. I see my whole Life as Satsang now. I see every experience as an invitation to simply be in the moment, to discover the truth of myself. So, meditation for me is simply being in the moment. We do this by ignoring the thoughts, and using the feelings or the breath to bring our attention back to the moment. To really be in the body grounds us in the present, in presence. This is good for all parts of us. The body gets to relax and simply be. The thoughts are allowed to be (not being fought or clung to). The feelings are allowed to be. Everyone is given this permission to simply live in freedom. Also, being present encourages me to listen more to my body and what it wants or doesn’t want. I listen as to where there is a ‘no’ or a ‘yes’ coming from the truth of the moment. I give myself full permission to simply be a human being, this particular human being, and this particular flavor. Self-care can reveal this peace to us again and again.

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

As I mentioned, after college I was searching for truth, fulfillment, and a way to take off the mask I was hiding behind. I was ready for healing, and I discovered that healing came from letting go of my story of suffering, a narrative I would tell others and myself over and over again. I had hidden behind painful childhood experiences (and experiences passed down through generations); this story of not being good enough, needing to fix myself until I was perfect enough to love. So, I adamantly searched, and Life crushed all my lifelong dreams of going to graduate school to be a psychologist. Life had something else in store and brought me to a point of retreat. Life stopped me, gave me a break, and brought me face-to-face with my true Self as if It was saying, “You wanted freedom and healing so here is this spiritual detox.” I was also being invited to make peace with aloneness. I had been trying to help others through my professional career choice, but the truth was I wanted to really help myself. I can’t help others to discover the tools to nourish themselves if I am not nourishing myself.

I was brought to a challenging point. A lot of resistance and all types of feelings like depression, anger, fear, and everything we feel as humans came for me to finally make peace with them. This was self-love even though it did not feel like it in the moment. Because through feeling my feelings, I took power out of this story of being a victim. The feelings brought me into the moment. They brought me into the space that is unshaken by any storm, by any emotion. I asked for real help at the end of 2012 in a moment of total surrender and was mysteriously led to my true teacher. He pointed me back to this moment where there was no one seeking; there was just infinite peace and love. This love is unconditional and it can be ruthless when it wants to free you from the limitations and chains of the conditioned mind. All the challenges of my Life always bring me to a deeper recognition of the love that is here, the love that I am, you are, and we all are right now.

Through loving ourselves as we are, unconditionally accepting the cards we were (are) dealt, something powerful and mysterious begins to happen that I cannot write about. It cannot be spoken. Only you can experience it for yourself in this moment.

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What have you learned from self-love?

Through self-love, I have learned how to love. Period. Loving myself when I was in a personal hell or when I was considered wrong or when I was stripped of everything I once used as a distraction taught me how to love all of existence. Compassion started to grow. I have discovered that when I’m taking care of myself, everything else is taken care of (even when my mind judges it to be wrong). Yes, some who are not in peace with this change may not be happy with my self-love/self-care and will get their feathers ruffled and think I’m selfish. This is their issue to make peace with.

Selfishness is expecting others to do for you what you should be doing for yourself. Self-love is our sole responsibility and freedom. It is empowering for all! I allow those that don’t accept me for who I am to leave my Life; this is their freedom and mine to be ourselves. Namasté.

About Tathina’s LYFF Collage:

These three photos are when I am in nature, meditating, enjoying, simply being and/or playing/exploring – bowing to the mirror of Life’s vastness and Love everywhere (Namasté meaning).”

 

Thank you for sharing your self-love story with the Collective, Tathina. You are definitely a Phoenix rising!

Learn more about Tathina’s journey; she is the author of The Invitation (to Live) (the Truth). Want more? You can also get info about Satsang and how Tathina gives herself permission to just “let go of all the defenses and BE” by following her blog, HERE, for self-love/meditation challenges that mirror some of the practices in her LYFF story.

 


 

Join the Collective. Share your self-love story with us. Send an email HERE. Put “My LYFF Story” in the subject line, and we’ll send you follow-up info. Sweet. Short. Simple!

Love Yourself First! Friday is a bi-weekly self-love series created by The Phoenix Rising Collective. Phenomenal women who fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive self esteem share their stories‬.  Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.