May | 2013 | The Phoenix Rising Collective

May 31, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective 1 Comment

It’s Love Yourself First! Friday - Our May Tribute to Mothers Ends with Yolanda

Yolanda_LYFF[collage_blogpost]

It’s Love Yourself First! Friday, and this is the last self-love story in our May Tribute to Mothers series. As you know, we extended an invitation to three mothers and they all accepted, so we asked them thoughtful questions about self-love, and they eloquently answered with wisdom! The last story in the tribute series comes from Yolanda.

Yolanda is the mother of Akil Houston, one of the contributing writers for the forthcoming book, Chasing My Father, Finding Myself: Journeys to Healing and Forgiveness. We extended the invitation to her because she is spiritually conscious, committed to helping women build healthy self-esteem, and full of inspiring words of wisdom and truth. Akil asked his mother these heartfelt questions, and here are her responses! Thank you, Mama Yolanda.

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How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

As I reflect on this question I am reminded of a piece of sage wisdom given to me by an elder: “Baby, if I don’t take care of me, I will not be able to take care of anyone else.” She provided this tidbit as she was preparing to take a road trip with her 18-year old niece. In order to take this road trip she had to find a caretaker for her husband who was terminally ill. She instilled in me the need to make sure that I lovingly took care of me, and to make myself a very high priority, as opposed to giving until I was worn out.

I have learned to embrace my passion for reading books or watching television shows that have absolutely no socially redeeming value, for example watching Scandal or reading romance novels. In the bigger picture of life, watching Scandal will not cure world hunger and reading romance novels will not bring world peace. However, what they will do is provide a bit of down time that brings me peace and feeds my soul. Now this doesn’t mean that I don’t read books or articles of substance, it just means that I need a break to recharge my battery.

There are also times when I just need to be around small children who are able to smile and laugh as if this is the greatest gift anyone could ever give.

When deeply stressed, I will retreat to my altar space to have a good conversation with my Yeye Oshun only asking that she listen, allowing me to reach a place of clarity.

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practice, etc.)

My spiritual practice demonstrates the greatest show of self-care. While sitting in my altar space is quietly refreshing, I know that I can access that spiritual essence from wherever I may find myself.

Alternative healing practices such as acupuncture, chiropractic medicine, and massage have come to be the most effective methods of healing for me. Now, that does not mean that I won’t use westernized medicine if needed, it just means that alternative medicines have been the provider of the greatest healing for me. It was alternative healing practices that discovered the root of my chronic ear infections, laryngitis, and swelling as opposed to the numerous medications provided by my western physician that only masked my food sensitivities and allergies. My basic and most enjoyable form of exercise was dance. I danced for over twenty years taking classes, performing, and teaching until I had a serious fall at work and suffered a back and knee injury.

I now find that there is no form of exercise that gives me as much pleasure as dance.

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

When I met my son’s father, we were both in college. He was a junior and I, a freshman; it was instant love. He was so handsome, self-sufficient, and intelligent. We had talked a great deal about what our lives would be like once we graduated and were married. He was going to be an educator and I had plans to become a school social worker. At that point, I felt as though I loved him more than life itself. We always used protection so I was not worried about becoming pregnant; however, at one point the protection did not work. I had been sick with a seemingly endless ear infection and strep throat and was on antibiotics for several weeks. Little did I know, the antibiotics and my form of birth control did not mix. Upon finding out that I was pregnant, he informed both me, and our parents that there was no way he could marry me or provide for our child. Graduation and attending grad school were his highest priorities. Once he achieved his goals, he would then be in a better position to take care of a child.

I was devastated and wondered how this man, whom I loved so much, who I would have given my last everything, could say this to me. At that point, everything changed; I had to make it for my son and me. Knowing that I always had the support of my family, knowing that I could go home at any time, and knowing that I could ask for help and not have to be constantly reminded of how much my family had sacrificed for me, made the task of raising a child doable.

Being a single mom did not allow me to take the time to view issues as obstacles or challenges, I just had to make sure that my son was taken care of. I also realized that putting my son’s father’s needs above mine was the greatest mistake that I had ever made. I came to realize that by loving him more than I was willing to love me, I had not set any expectations for his behavior, allowing him to do whatever he wanted while making excuses for his lack of responsibility. It was through that lesson, that I came to realize that self-love was not selfish, and that I was and needed to be important to me. If I was not aware of my value, no one else would ever be aware of my value.

What have you learned about yourself from being a mother? How has it helped your personal development?

I have learned the importance of having patience, humility, and the ability to laugh at myself. As a parent, just when you believe that your child would never do anything to embarrass you, they do something to challenge your parenting. Sometimes your child will say something that makes you want to laugh, but you know as a parent that sometimes that laugh is really about something that you have told him/her, interpreting what you have said in a manner that you never intended.

Things that I thought were so important to being a great parent, really had very little to do with true parenting. Loving with expectations for behavior, setting limits, and being consistent were some of the greatest gifts I have received as a parent. The ability to multitask and listen beyond the spoken words have all been great assets to and for my personal development.

What have you learned from self-love?

I have learned that self-love is the greatest gift I can give to myself while showing others how I expect to be treated. It is looking beyond the pimple on my chin, the graying hair, the last ten pounds that I need to lose, or the self-sabotaging criticism that can destroy a person quicker than anything.

It’s about trusting in myself, being able to forgive me and not carrying those things I will never be able to change. It’s making sure that I love me and can have no less than one big heartfelt laugh a day. But most of all, it is about never lying to myself. It is about finding that inner peace, and appreciating the beauty of the simple things that life has to offer. It is also knowing that I am connected to spirit and how spirit is connected to me.

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Love Yourself First! Friday is a weekly self-love series created by the Phoenix Rising Collective. Beautiful, diverse women of color tell their stories of triumph, share their personal affirmations, and declare their love for their own lives! The series is meant to inspire and empower women to fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive self-esteem. Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.

May 30, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective 3 Comments

Coconut Oil, Self-Loving, and Healthy Sexual Relationships

quote_may_post[upton_savannah] Besides the joyous feeling we get after completing an assignment or grading forty students’ papers, graduate school leaves very little time for feeling good, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t make the time. We realize that loving ourselves is about creating balance and finding time for touch. Yes, we’re talking about sex. We’re talking about creating time and space to touch others and ourselves. We are talking about finding out what we like and might like when it comes to our bodies. Now, we’re not telling you to skip work or neglect your responsibilities; however, we do want you to make this type of loving a part of your busy schedule. Make it a part of your life.

Before you leave the shower or after you get home from volunteering, reach inside yourself or massage your skin with oil to find out who you are. Get into you; make a relationship out of it. Self-loving is about knowing yourself, then about using that knowledge to build those outside relationships that we all know and love.

So, let’s talk about the sex we’re having, not having, or would like to have! We’ve decided to compile some tips and questions for creating healthy sexual relationships with others and ourselves. Before we get into the tips and questions, we would like to tell you why it is important to be in tune with your body by sharing our own personal stories.

Simone

Simonepic2 Cut to a cold spring semester. Until recently, the maintenance man has been the only man in my apartment, and he has come only to fix the drought that my kitchen faucet experiences from time to time. What about my kitchen sink, Mr. Maintenance Man? Moving to Kansas in July 2012 meant that I would be leaving behind some special people, and that I would have to find new options for sexual pleasure. Now, I have always been okay with diddling my own skittle. Spending time with myself and discovering new things about my body makes me happy. An entire spring semester with myself has given me the courage to continue to awaken my body through my own physical and spiritual movements and touches. I have spent time in the mirror getting to know more about my body and how it works. “Oh, didn’t know I had a mole there. How pretty! Oooh, that’s the spot!” I’ve learned that my sexless life is not so bad when I’m using what I already have to get what I want. However, I like when someone else touches me, too.

I find sex to be a healthy, liberating experience. Though I am able to recharge my body and spirit through masturbation, I admit that there is an energy that I cannot recreate on my own. For me, touching someone else and being touched by someone else sends a colorful, electric shock through my body that often saves me from running to my local grocery and buying all the chocolate ice cream that I can fit into a little green basket. Though it was a fruitful, peaceful period in my life, four months without sex was a little frustrating at times. So, I was delighted when someone else—a very special someone else—walked through my front door. I had the opportunity to combine my energy with someone else’s, and to use that energy in my personal time. The experience did not replace my self-loving moments, but it did add to them, and recharged me in a way that I wanted to be recharged. Thank you, Mr. Not Maintenance Man.

For me, remaining in touch with myself is about balance. I know that I have the power to be alone without being lonely, as well as the courage to achieve an orgasm without the help or presence of a man. Cue Kirko Bangz: “She want a man, don’t need a man.” And I also know that I enjoy someone else’s company when my silver bullet isn’t enough. Getting to know myself through masturbation and interactions with others gives me the power to love myself. And loving myself means being honest about how I feel and how I want to feel.

Aisha

aish_black_white[photo] I’ve been single since 2009. I know that sounds like a long time, but before we cue Ne-Yo’s So Sick – I have to say that it hasn’t been that bad. In the meantime, I’ve attained a Bachelors, Masters, and started a PhD program, so I guess it’s safe to say that I’ve invested my energy elsewhere. As much as I’d love to be in love and dating someone seriously, I’m not rushing fate. Also, being out of a relationship doesn’t mean I haven’t had sex, or established a relationship with my own body. Of course I have! And honestly, those things have enabled me to stay the course, stay focused, and combat some stress!

Like Simone, I find sex to be a healthy and liberating experience, and I believe that remaining in touch with my sexual self is all about balance. Though striking a balance can be difficult, it is doable. For me, this is really all about forming healthy sexual relationships with whoever is my partner, and with myself. I have had healthy sexual relationships where I’ve felt a sense of reciprocity from my partner, and felt that he respected my overall personhood, my body, and me. It should feel energizing, stress-free, and fun, and that requires an immense amount of honesty and trust, as I don’t trust my body to just anybody (and I’m picky, and I don’t typically like tall guys, and I prefer facial hair, etc.)

I have, however, also tried abstaining from sex completely three times over the last four years, and that just meant not having sex with another person until I felt like I was physically and emotionally ready to form another healthy sexual relationship. I’m currently in one of these phases right now. In these times, as well as when I’ve not been involved with anyone, I still have myself. Learning to find peace in just having myself has been a great life lesson. Finding peace with me is a powerful feeling. Finding peace with going to bed and waking up alone, and finding pleasure in just me requires the utmost amount of honesty, because it’s hard to lie to myself.

1. Get Into Yourself: Self-Loving

Be alone often. People often confuse being alone with being lonely. However, we know that being alone encourages us to be less dependent on someone else for sexual pleasure. And when someone else does not please us, we don’t get angry; we put our pants back on, and do it ourselves.

Experiment with toys, your fingers, or watch something by yourself that you know or think will get your juices flowing. Experimenting on our own empowers us to try new things without judgment. Also, experimenting on your own encourages you to be in tune with your own body. That means looking at and touching your physical self, and also loving how you look and feel. This, indeed, will help you cultivate a positive self-image, and also foster a sense of self that you’ll want to share with others…or even keep to yourself.

Write about what you love. Toni Morrison stated, “If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it.” Make lists or journal entries about what makes you feel good or how you’d like to feel, and refer back to them often. Your own words may encourage you to spend more private time with yourself and others. We’d like to think that writing about what you want and feel encourages (sexual) freedom.

Talk with your friends. We recently read an article: True Friends Ask How the Sex Is. We talk to each other and our other friends about sex all the time. Sometimes, we talk in detail about our sexual experiences in order to support or advise each other in our sexual ventures. Talking to your friends about sex and self-loving may encourage you to be more open about the private time with yourself as well as the private time you have with others.

2. Create Healthy Sexual Relationships:

If you do want to engage in sexual activities with other people (or if you just want to share your coconut oil experience with another), keep in mind that fostering healthy sexual relationships can increase your satisfaction. A sexual relationship, like any other relationship, is healthiest when all of the people involved are honest and open about their wants and needs.

Maintaining an open line of communication with your sexual partner(s) can help to increase your overall sexual satisfaction. Whether you are communicating with your partner(s) about your fantasies or distinguishing between things you enjoy and things you could live without, healthy communication is key. If you want to bring in the coconut oil, sit your partner down and tell them that you read this post and learned that coconut oil would be a natural alternative to your previous lubrication techniques!

And remember, be with someone who appreciates your body just as much we know you do. Believe us when we say that it makes sex so much better! Being with someone who is in love with your body will help you to maintain a positive self-image and a healthy sex life.

3. Grab Some Coconut Oil

Oh, you thought we forgot about the coconut oil? Of course not! As we continue our journey toward natural living, we’ve discovered that this cooking, skin, and hair-care product is also perfect for the bedroom. You can use coconut oil as a natural lubricant. What? Yes! And get this: it can balance your ph. So, go ahead and introduce some organic coconut oil to your intimate moments.

So, Some Advice and Sample Questions…

Safe sex. Know yourself and your limits. Additionally, invest in some toy cleaner and/or condoms for your sex toys, whips, and chains! You’ll want to keep those instruments clean in order to protect yourself from bacterial infections. And don’t forget to use some form of contraception/condoms when engaging in sex with other people. Your body is your temple. Wrap it up, you sensual lover, you!

Research! The Internet and library aren’t reserved only for class or that all-nighter (well, wait). Explore the “dark” sides of the Internet (there are tons!) and check out a Zane book for your private time.

Become in tune with your body. Really create the time and space for your self. Being in tune with yourself makes moments with others so much more powerful and fulfilling. We are more confident and courageous in the bedroom as well as in other parts of our lives.

Love what you like. Be open to new experiences; however, don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re weird for…well, whatever you like.

Know that sex is great. An orgasm a day gets those projects done and out of the way!

Again, communicate with your partner(s). Ask them questions and get to know them, too. Do you like this? Do you like that? Would you like to have sex with me? Do you like coconut oil, too?

Remember that consent is sexy. Always get consent. And don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.

There is no one right way to have sex or get to know yourself. Explore and do what makes you feel good! Our best advice: Have sex with whomever you want (including yourself), wherever you want, however you want, as long as it’s consensual!

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Aisha + Simone are the Life + Style contributors for the Phoenix Rising Collective; continue supporting their posts on the importance of letting who you are shine through when it comes to self-care and defining your personal style.

Aisha Upton is a first year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests: Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance.

Simone Savannah is an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably.

May 27, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective 1 Comment

Traveling Abroad, Building Confidence: Top Four Things Women Should Know to Get Started

I hope that sharing my diverse travel excursions has sparked your interest to experience the wonders of traveling to another country. If it has, I’m sure you’re wondering, “How do I get started? Where should I go?” Well, here are some quick traveling tips that I’ve created and think that every woman should know to begin:

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Do your research.

SHOTS: Each country is different even within the same continent. Find out what shots are important for the country that you plan to visit. For example, if you’re going to the Amazon you’ll need to get a shot for yellow fever.

VISAS: Check the visa requirements. Some countries allow you to get a visa when you enter, and others require getting one in advance. For example, Ecuador allows a three-month visa once you arrive.

safety_first[2]

As women we must think about our safety. When you pick a country to travel, do your homework. Learn about the country’s political status, as well as its crime rate. In addition, it is always good to have a travel companion, or go to a place where you already know someone. Finally, when you get to the country always be aware of your surroundings; try to learn about your environment and blend in as much as possible.

earn_extra_cash[3]

Teaching English is a good way to receive financial assistance during your travels abroad. Many people go to different countries and work as English teachers; it’s an opportunity to get your foot in the door. In most countries you can find a job teaching English, and some teaching positions include help with housing, visa, and travel plans. Check out these online resource networks and databases to get you started: TEFL.com and i-to-i TEFL.

Here are a few questions to ask when choosing an English teaching position:

How many students are there per class?
Will I be teaching adults or children?
Is there a curriculum?
Do they pay on time? (Sadly, some don’t.)
What resources are available?
Do you need a Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) certificate? (There are online classes.)

group photo_student[ecuador]

When you arrive…

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Always wash your fruits and vegetables in a disinfectant, and don’t drink the water unless you are sure it is safe. For example, in Latin America there is the possibility of getting parasites from the food if it is not washed properly. If you get a stomachache or diarrhea go to a doctor as soon as possible because the sooner the parasites are detected the quicker you can go back to enjoying your trip!

Of course, these are just a few important quick tips to help you get started. They were definitely helpful to me, and have made my traveling experiences more enjoyable. Above all, be open to the journey so that you learn something in the country you’re visiting/living in. Openness will strengthen your confidence, and also cultivate a new, positive, and healthier level of self-esteem that you never knew existed. Take the leap!

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Erika is the Travel Contributor for the Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an English as a Foreign Language Teacher, who lives in Cuenca, Ecuador. To express her passion for sharing her traveling and cultural experiences, she shares a verse from her spiritual practice, “Jehovah himself gives the saying; the women telling the good news are a large army.”(Psalm 68:11) Furthermore, “why should women travel the world? Learning about women of all different cultures all around the world helps us to become connected and understand ourselves better. Many women around the world don’t understand their true worth, we must help and love each other.”

May 26, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective Leave a comment

Spring into ACTION: Tips for Unleashing Your Creativity and Unearthing Your Ideas

may_quote_poster[traci]

Spring is here, and summer is right around the corner! Is this not the time to emerge from our caverns of slumber, put away the heavy sweaters and warm blankets, and bring in the brilliance of all things unique, colorful, and new?

When I think of spring I think of cleaning out the house and ushering in something creative and spontaneous. I am not saying you cannot be free, fluid, and artistic during winter, but if you are anything like me, the cold season is a time for rest and contemplation. I do not go out as much as I do during the warmer seasons. In the winter I daydream about unearthing ideas that have been pregnant in my belly for weeks. I plan and patiently allow my daydreaming to unfold as the season transitions.

So, this post is about birthing your creative ideas. How do you birth these ideas, you ask? The obvious answer is, JUST DO IT. Sounds like Nike’s slogan, right? Well, it is.

But I want to encourage you to do more than just ACT. Consider the possibilities by starting with the impossibilities. The impossibilities are the things we don’t always visualize ourselves doing. For example, I love to sing, but I do not call myself a singer; the idea of being on stage and bellowing out a poetic rendition of Nina Simone’s Little Girl Blue is frightening but exciting! I want to merge my singing voice with my poetic voice on stage (one day), so to work on my confidence, I decided to find a few trusted artists who sing well, who sing often, and who sing in front of audiences. I asked them to be my voice coaches, because they have teachers; they study music; they sing different genres, and they know the music vocabulary that I do not.

What else do I want to do? I already knit and crochet hats, scarves, and blankets for the cold seasons, but I want to expand what I create to include items for the warmer seasons – something I have not explored. My first step toward this goal is attending craft markets, strolling through boutiques, and reading magazines that emphasize knitting/crocheting fashion for this time of year.

I have so many things I want to try. However, in order to accomplish them, I have to do the work, not just check them off my to-do list. I invest in myself by being great at what I want to do as an artist. And yes, “great” may be subjective, but guess what? I’m the one defining what greatness is!

So the question is, what do you want to do? What would you like to create? What sort of art is inside you waiting to come out? In addition, what can you pursue that will not financially strain you? Sometimes we want to pursue something that won’t empty our wallets. Also note: this is not a call to take on the world and become a nationally renowned exhibiting artist in one week. You can aim for that later. I am simply saying, if you want to try your hand at something creative and something you have never done, here are a few wonderful ways to cultivate the creative spirit within.

CRAFT MARKETS

Flint Handmade - My table at the craft market
Bea U ti Ful Wears by Traci Currie

This is the season for craft markets. Every winter and spring there is a wonderful craft market in my town that is sponsored by the nonprofit, Flint Handmade. I was fortunate to learn about it by attending one year. I was enthralled by the art people were creating: pottery, soy candles, greeting cards, paintings, jewelry, organic soaps and lotions, and so much more.

Two years later, I decided to apply as a vendor at the winter craft market. There were roughly 60 vendors (give or take). I made 16 items. I felt inadequate because almost everyone around me had more than 16 items. I sold 14 of them, donated one item to a silent auction, and the last item I gave to a friend. Wow! I was excited and humbled. I continued to apply as a vendor for the next two years, followed by launching my own Etsy business (which I close during the spring and open during late summer/pre-autumn).

Craft markets have so much to offer. They allow you to see what other artists are doing. You also get to network and share ideas.

ART FAIRS

I absolutely love attending art fairs during the summer. One of the biggest annual festivals is the Ann Arbor Street Art Fair in July. Artists come from all over the nation ready to sell as much as they can in their booths. The fair has so many activities, and it includes information about social issues in the world. It is almost overwhelming.

In 2011 I interned for Michigan Radio in Ann Arbor, and I had an opportunity to cover the festival. Check out the slide show I created:

LITERARY FESTIVALS

Let’s not forget about literary festivals where there are endless book readings and writing workshops. If you are an aspiring writer, what better way to improve your writing? You can begin by:

Reading. Find books that you like, as well as material you might not normally read. Broaden and challenge your scope a bit!
Being among other writers. Listen to their journeys about the literary world.
Accepting constructive feedback. Let others read and critique your work.
Submitting your work to various writing contests. It is a great way to build your skills as a writer.
Researching literary resources that offer tips. One of my favorite magazines is Poets & Writers. I’ve just named one out of hundreds of magazines. Also, if you want to know what’s out there, simply start by researching credible sources on the Internet. Compare and contrast websites.
Journaling. It’s mobile and quite convenient when an idea or experience you’re having needs to be documented. If you are ol’ school, then a typewriter is still an option, although I suspect many may strongly suggest upgrading to a desktop, laptop, or iPad/Tablet. The point is, there is no reason why a writer should not be writing if that is what is in her heart.

Sometimes it’s our limitations that can create something beyond our imagination. When you feel limited and bound by rules, your frustration can lead to break through. Have you ever heard the phrase, “You have to hit rock bottom in order to get back up”? This is not the case for everyone, but our worse situations can create some of the most powerful art. I read an article by Scott Barry Kaufman entitled, How Constraints Force us to be More Creative. In other words, consider all the possibilities that might help birth your ideas. No one said that the birthing process was a hop, skip, and a jump; ask any mother who carried a child for nine months and endured labor pains!

So, it’s time to try something new, unusual, and outside of your box. Maybe the process starts with redecorating or reorganizing a room at home, painting or muraling a wall in your favorite colors, or writing a short poem (try a haiku, you can’t get any shorter than that!). The idea is to unleash your creative spirit, and however that comes out, is up to you, as long as you JUST DO IT!

Here are some online resources that I love to reference:

Promotes absolutely funky, original, and beautiful handmade items.

Creates visual bookmarks on boards by pinning images and videos that interest you. Some of the most unique images are on people’s boards.

Explores what people are doing all over the world through visual art. I love browsing art by region. On this website, I am particularly fond of the work that comes out of Africa.

There are many artists on Facebook promoting their work. It’s worth finding out who your Facebook friends know; this can be your link to other artists whose work you find inspirational.

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Traci Currie is the Art + Creativity contributor for the Phoenix Rising Collective. She is a Communication Studies lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer for 5 years; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes the PRC will help young women reach their highest potential. “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.”

May 24, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective Leave a comment

It’s Love Yourself First! Friday - Our May Tribute to Mothers Continues!

mary_lyff[collage] It’s Love Yourself First! Friday, and we’re continuing our May Tribute to Mothers. Since May is their special month (although every day of every month should be a celebration of motherhood), we’re dedicating LYF to them.

We asked three mothers to participate; they agreed, so we asked them thoughtful questions about self-love, and they eloquently answered with wisdom! So, here’s the second self-love story in the tribute series.

Our community liaison, Angela Eddings, asked her mother, Mary, these heartfelt questions, and her answers were very inspiring, to say the least. We appreciate that she shared her experiences with us. You’re beautiful, Mama Eddings!

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How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

I love myself first by accepting myself fully, just as I am. I am pleased and thankful for who I am. I came to a place in my life (I would say during my forties) where I was completely satisfied with my family, my life, and myself. I try to live in a place of gratitude and positivity. People are always asking me why it seems as if nothing is ever wrong with me or why I’m never upset. Well, I believe it’s not that I don’t feel those emotions, I just try to ‘stay in my lane’ and not let what’s going on around me interrupt my joy.

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practice, etc.)

Self-care is very important to me; I try to avoid negative thoughts by focusing on something beautiful and pure when it enters my head - like my granddaughter, for example. I look for the good in everyone, which isn’t hard to do when you’ve been on the planet 74 years!

I also pay attention to the simple things and find God in those places. For example, I’m awakened by the birds chirping, and I know it’s God. I count the butterflies I see. All of these things I’m doing, my daughter has taught me, are a part of living in the moment. This directly correlates to self-care of my body because when I’m living in the moment I focus on my breathing, and in turn, the feelings and emotions go through my body, and I know it’s my spirit that is lightened. Now, I know that it’s all a cycle: positive thoughts and feelings/emotions equal a lighter spirit; thus, a more intimate relationship with God.

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

There are many obstacles I’ve endured and grown from. Losing relatives; my mother, and more recently my son. I’ve learned to accept transition, and the power of the spirit world. But lately, my husband, whom I’ve been married to for 56 years, is ill. I am of course his primary caregiver, and it becomes difficult at times; however, it is teaching me patience. After 56 years you would think I have gotten that down, but his weakness has become my strength. And this has definitely helped me acquire a deeper love for myself.

What have you learned about yourself from being a mother? How has it helped your personal development?

I have learned from being a mother that my children represent all the accomplishments and successes that I wasn’t able to achieve for myself, especially my daughter. I am in awe of her, especially since she’s become a mother. I wanted all my children to do what I couldn’t or wasn’t given the opportunity to do. I learned my children’s rewards are mine.

What have you learned from self-love?

I have learned: yes, I can. Yes, I will. And yes, I do…to all of the above.

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May 14, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective Leave a comment

Adventures in Traveling the World: Learning about Rural Communities and Culture

While in Ecuador I’m traveling all around the country so that I can see various parts of it, and also talk with the people who live in the communities. I especially like to visit a small indigenous community called Huangras; I love it because everyone speaks Kichwa, and I get to practice the language! I talked about the Kichwa-speaking people in my last post.

Huangras is made up of two small towns divided by a river. It is set in the mountains, where there are no roads. We go to celebrate the memorial of Christ’s death the last week of March. I will take you on our journey.

On the first day we set out early, 6:30 a.m., in fact. Our hope in doing this is to get to town before dark. It can be dangerous to walk in the mountains at night because there are wild bears in certain parts. We have to drive two hours to get to the nearest town, and once the road ends we continue the rest of the way on foot; the walk in the mountains is six and half hours, so we take horses with us to carry our luggage and supplies.

This is our third trip to this little town, and the people remember us. We are quite exhausted after traveling, but it is a nice, cool day, so hiking to get there isn’t that terrible; however, the way back is rainy and muddy, making the trip home very difficult. The mud level is so high we are knee-deep in it. Having to constantly pull our legs out of the mud exerted a lot of energy and strength, so by the end of the week we are all quite exhausted, but happy to have had the wonderful experience.

Our Arrival to Huangras

Central Huangras, as seen from the top of the mountain.
The people live all around the mountains.

Once we arrive in Huangras we rest and then eat. There are no real restaurants, but there is a store and a woman who cooks for us the whole week. Everything that we eat is grown in town - potatoes, corn, and other vegetables. The indigenous people also raise animals, such as cows and chickens. It was very common in the morning to be eating breakfast alongside a live chicken that later ended up being lunch!

The second day of our visit, most of the people are gone, because there is an important meeting in a neighboring town. However, on the third day the meeting is continued in Huangras with the principal leaders present, because they are deciding on an agreement to develop a road. Cars would be able to enter into the town, and of course there are advantages and disadvantages of having a road, as we’re told by one of the residents.

Currently, when anyone needs serious medical attention it is too difficult to get to them, and because of weather conditions (mainly rain) people get sicker and even die on the way to the doctor because of inaccessibility. On the other hand, having a new road could possibly destroy the environment and the community they have built. Animals would lose their homes, and buses and cars would frequently bring in a lot of people. Last year, when we visited, this serious decision was the discussion, and it is definitely a decision that will change their lives one way or the other.

The Visit to San Carlos: A Neighboring Community

When we go to San Carlos we visit a school. It is interesting that the teachers in the school are all young men (early twenties); this is also the case for the school in Huangras. I asked people in the commuity why this is the experience, and the answer was that the government pays for them to teach in these communities. The young men travel from their homes in Alausi or Cañar, the two closest major cities. They teach for three weeks and get one week off school so that they can go home to visit their families. School is all year round.

The classroom and school in San Carlos.

We noticed that there is a computer in the classroom covered with a sheet so we asked to use it, but the teacher explained that we could not because it arrived broken. He tells us that it is very difficult to get supplies because of distance; everything has to come on horseback, so unfortunately, there is a large risk of equipment and supplies being damaged. I also observed that it is a very simple and small school, but the children, well, they are just the same as all the other schools I have visited in different parts of the world – happy!

The people in San Carlos are very open, and they freely speak with us. I also love that everyone stops to say hello and will talk with you for hours. No one is rushing to go anywhere. The children run around and play. There are no video games or television, just a simple game of hopscotch. Here, the people sit, walk, and truly enjoy nature. As I leave this little town I wonder if further developing their connection to the outside world will be a change for the better.

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May 12, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective Leave a comment

It’s Love Yourself First! A Mother’s Day Tribute

Shirley_LYFF_collage

It’s Love Yourself First! A Tribute to Mothers. Usually we celebrate our self-love stories on Friday; however, because we’re honoring our mothers we’re doing things a little differently by sharing our first story on Mother’s Day. Since May is their special month (although every day of every month should be a celebration of motherhood), we’re dedicating LYF to them.

We asked three mothers to participate; they agreed, so we asked them thoughtful questions about self-love, and they eloquently answered with wisdom! So, over the next couple of weeks in May you’ll hear profound stories of resilience, courage, and love from seasoned women who embrace change!

Our hope is that you will be inspired by their journeys, and realize that your mistakes, challenges, and obstacles should not be viewed as failures but invaluable lessons that (when learned) most certainly make you stronger and more capable of fulfilling your purpose.

The first self-love story is from Shirley, mother of the Phoenix Rising Collective’s founder, Ayanna. She shares how she learned to move forward after several physical and emotional challenges in her life.

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How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

It means that I make time to take care of me, as it is essential for rejuvenation and balance. It helps with making decisions that respect what I value most in life.

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practice, etc.)

I usually start with meditation to get my mind right for the day; giving honor to the Higher Power in my life is important to me. In addition to that I always take at least one day out of the week to pamper myself. This could be getting a manicure/pedicure, shopping on my own for items that are creative, working on projects that I love like sketching, arts and crafts, making costumes for my Sunday school students’ plays and musicals, watching sunrises and sunsets, and most recently going to my local fitness center to work with a personal trainer. I do things that bring me peace.

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

Speaking up for myself! The older I get the more I value speaking up for what I believe in. I don’t let things go by. When I was younger, finding my voice was always a challenge. I felt like if I said something it would hurt the other person’s feelings, but now I consider myself in the situation, and I honor what I bring to the experience.

Another challenge for me was regular visits to the doctor’s office. I wasn’t going as often as I should out of fear of the results and not valuing its importance. When I had to have a biopsy on my thyroid and a cyst removed from my left breast (both were benign), I made a vow to keep up with my doctor’s appointments, because longevity is important to me, and I also want to be more in tune with my body’s rhythm. I kept faith, and pulled through those health scares. These difficult experiences gave me the courage I needed to commit to my physical health.

Divorce at an older age was also difficult, but it made me stronger. I realized that I stayed married for as long as I did (almost 20 years) because I was in love with the idea of being married, not the person. Fortunately, I recognized that truly loving myself meant that I had to do what would make me happy, and getting a divorce was the key to opening that door.

I prayed for the marriage to get better, but what the Creator really wanted for my life wasn’t going to happen until I moved forward. I knew that, but gaining the courage to take the first step was the hardest part of the process. Honestly, I didn’t think I would make it but I did. I’m a survivor! I love my independence; it provides an opportunity to really get in touch with my own feelings, to understand what I need from a relationship, and to have new experiences that really fulfill me. It has been five years now, and I’m happy with where I am and what I’ve learned.

What have you learned about yourself from being a mother? How has it helped your personal development?

Above all, I’ve learned patience, communication, and compassion. Motherhood is challenging and rewarding at the same time, just like life, and as a mother you have to treat each situation you’re face with differently depending on the circumstances or even the child that you’re having the experience with. The same is true of my personal development; I have to be patient with myself, communicate about what I want for my life, and have self-compassion in the midst of the ups and downs along the way.

What have you learned from self-love?

That it absolutely matters that I put myself first; I won’t have anything to give if my well is dry. I’m more compassionate and understanding when I take care of myself. It gives me the energy to give to others. I can be of more service when I haven’t forgotten about my own needs.

Happy Mother’s Day, Phoenixes! Love yourself fiercely.

May 11, 2013
by The Phoenix Rising Collective Leave a comment

Natural Healing for Food Addiction: The Power of Making Healthier Choices

Collage by Tonya Adams

As beautiful as the sun rising and setting each day, so is the beauty of our lives. The light of the sun shines, and we must not let anything obscure its radiance, as growth is ever present. Enjoying life and feeling good should always be our natural state of being, but we know through experience that life often brings us growing pains and uncomfortable situations in order to check our egos, to force mindfulness, or to lead us toward our purpose. In order to maintain peace through our adversities, it’s important to develop healthy habits that support transcending painful experiences.

Unfortunately, many of us seek unhealthy forms of relief, like abusing harmful substances, to reclaim peace. These substances are toxic to the body, and with prolonged use can control the body’s cells and functions causing physical, mental, and spiritual deterioration. In the words of holistic wellness entrepreneur and natural health practitioner, Queen Afua, “When we are addicted to anything or anyone, our lives are not our own. Addictions are a toxic reflection of how we view our connection with ourselves and the world. All addictions drain our life force, leaving us less than we are.” (1)

Throughout my life I have witnessed and experienced the suffering caused from the dis-ease of addiction. I observed that the majority of adults around me had some form of substance dependence. Today I realize that many of them perceived life’s challenges as suffering, as opposed to a springboard to something greater; they viewed life as a hell they had to escape.

One of the most serious addictions I’ve witnessed is among African American women. Our poor relationship with food has led to having the highest rate of obesity in the U.S.

“Currently, major causes of morbidity and mortality in the United States are related to obesity, mainly caused by poor diet and inadequate physical activity. Some specific diseases linked to poor diet and physical inactivity include cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, osteoporosis, and some cancers.” (2)

According to the Office of Minority Health (3):

African American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese compared to other groups in the U.S. About four out of five African American women are overweight or obese.
In 2010, African Americans were 1.4 times as likely to be obese as Non- Hispanic Whites.
In 2010, African American women were 70% more likely to be obese than Non-Hispanic White women.
In 2007-2010, African American girls were 80% more likely to be overweight than Non-Hispanic White girls.

Medical Image Credit: Animated Dissection of Anatomy for Medicine (A.D.A.M.)

Obesity is linked to higher risk factors for diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and a host of other maladies.

The prevalence of night eating syndrome (NES), binge eating disorder (BED), bulimia nervosa (BN), and the general experience of food cravings are key words to describe some of the addictive habits behind the high rate of obesity among African American women.

Those cravings are usually for junk food, which can be defined as highly engineered toxic substances; and often times their effects are far worse than narcotics.

Unfortunately, this is especially prevalent in predominantly low-income communities due to food inequality; fast food restaurants, liquor stores, and convenience marts are on almost every corner. Processed foods that make us sick, tired, and addicted are easily accessible while healthy, nutritious foods that our bodies need are unavailable and unaffordable. For example, in Columbus, Ohio (specifically near the South and Eastside), there are no grocery stores in walking distance, so people are mostly dependent upon the local convenience marts that sell junk food and other toxic products that are destroying our health.

What are some inexpensive natural healing methods that can be implemented to address food addiction? A part of the answer to the healing process is embracing the concept that was introduced in my previous post: Health is W.E.A.L.T.H.S., the acronym for water, exercise, air, light, thinking happy thoughts, healthy food, and sleep. Other key steps include the following:

Recognizing and admitting that you have a problem.
Flush your system: Begin to cleanse the body by fasting. There are many detoxification recipes that focus on cleansing and healing to break addiction. A great place to begin? Health Thyself: For Health and Longevity by Queen Afua
Meditating on a daily basis, as often as three to four times per day, to build mental and spiritual strength to overcome the addiction.
Incorporating more raw fruits, vegetables, and super greens such as spirulina and chlorella into your body to feed and nourish your cells. When we consume empty calories, our cells become malnourished.
Spending your money wisely, not from a state of addiction and poor eating habits, but as a wellness activist!
Eating healthy as a family to develop better habits, especially for children.
Creating a wellness plan that includes food education - taking time to research and understand the nutritional value of your food choices is very important.
Surrounding yourself with people who will support you on the path to wellness.
Supporting the development of local food systems and cooperative economics.
Growing your own food for sustainability, ensuring that you’re eating foods while they are in season.

Photo by LeRoyna Edwards

If you don’t know how to begin these steps, there are many organizations and programs that can help you get started. Circle 77 builds a healthy institution on the South Eastside of Columbus, Ohio that supports the restoration and revitalization of our community by offering products and services that promote healing and wellness.

Invest in your health!

Sources:

(1) Afua, Queen. City of Wellness: Restoring Your Health through the Seven Kitchens of Consciousness. Heal Thyself Incorporated. 2009. Print.

(2) Institute for Alternative Future. School Based Wellness Programs: A Key Approach to Preventing Obesity and Reducing Health Disparities. The DRA Project. Report 08-04. October (2008): 72 pgs. Print.

(3) Obesity and African Americans. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Office of Minority Health. Web. 6 September. 2012.

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Systar Roni Auset is a licensed yoga instructor, healthy living practitioner, holistic educator, master joyologist, and founder of Circle 77! Her aim is to improve her community’s quality of life by promoting a healthy lifestyle. By offering educational workshops, health oriented events, youth productions, and training programs, Systar Roni teaches and encourages holistic health as a way to empower people to make choices that will positively impact their own health and that of their peers, families, and communities. Using the latest information about nutrition and natural living, as well as sharing knowledge about the benefits of physical activity and meditation, she intends to be a strong source of vitality within the community. If you would like to schedule a workshop/yoga class, participate in the Circle 77 buying club, or support her work with youth, please visit The Children Shall Lead Them Productions.

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How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practice, etc.)

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

What have you learned about yourself from being a mother? How has it helped your personal development?

What have you learned from self-love?

Simone

Aisha

1. Get Into Yourself: Self-Loving

2. Create Healthy Sexual Relationships:

3. Grab Some Coconut Oil

So, Some Advice and Sample Questions…

Here are a few questions to ask when choosing an English teaching position:

When you arrive…

CRAFT MARKETS

ART FAIRS

LITERARY FESTIVALS

Here are some online resources that I love to reference:

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practice, etc.)

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

What have you learned about yourself from being a mother? How has it helped your personal development?

What have you learned from self-love?

Our Arrival to Huangras

The Visit to San Carlos: A Neighboring Community

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practice, etc.)

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

What have you learned about yourself from being a mother? How has it helped your personal development?

What have you learned from self-love?

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