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It’s Love Yourself First! Friday: This Phoenix is Tonya

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Love Yourself First! Friday (LYFF) is part of our Shed Light series collection. We invite women to tell their LYFF stories to inspire and empower others to also fiercely demonstrate self-love in action.  The questions are meant to  “shed light” on various ways our featured Phoenixes are making self-care and intentional living a priority.

This week’s courageous Phoenix is Tonya:

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

I love myself first by learning to take care of me and recognize that I need to practice giving love to myself as much as I do others. It means I have to be more in tune with myself.

I pay closer attention to signs when it comes to my body, my mind, and my soul. For instance, when I can barely drive home from work in Washington, DC to my home in Maryland, due to exhaustion, that is my cue to get home, eat lightly, take a quiet, relaxing bath, and immediately go to bed and sleep as long as I can. I also release stress by taking long walks and/or going to the gym for an hour. When I am done, the stress dissipates. While walking, I thank God for all that He created and has given to me.

Our brain handles a lot of information. There’s a dark side and a light side. When the dark side creeps to the front, I shut it down quickly by focusing on things that are going well. The negativity that creeps up is when that voice tells you cannot do something: “You’re not smart. You’re not qualified. You’ve messed up.”  I shut it down quickly!  Negativity has a tendency to consume us if we allow it. I try to keep my mind away from negativity. Even when I hear gossip, I attempt to steer the conversation to something positive.

My soul is my heart. I’ve allowed it to be hurt many times because I trust until someone gives me a reason not to trust them. I’m not that way anymore. I now put my total trust in God, and I’m more protective of my heart. By being this way, I do not get hurt as easily as I used to.

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul?

I have a closer relationship with God now. I give Him all my cares. I exercise to alleviate stress and keep myself fit. I read motivational books that empower me to keep moving forward to fulfill my dreams. I spend quality time with family and we have movie nights and catch up with one another. Sometimes, we take walks and just talk. I also have date-nights with my partner. Although we have busy careers, we make time to be together and enjoy each other’s company.

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

Trusting people was my biggest flaw. As I trusted, I was disappointed over and over again. I believe I trusted others more than I did myself. It’s a big difference when you begin to trust and rely on God. My second biggest flaw was that, as my mother puts it, “People know where your buttons are.” As a result, people that I trusted knew how to hurt me because I showed my vulnerabilities. When I began to love me, I no longer allowed people to know where my buttons were to be pushed. I became stronger.

What have you learned from self-love?

Self-love is the most critical element of love. You cannot give love successfully until you learn to love yourself first. Now that I love myself, I’m more protective over me. I’m not as vulnerable or as accessible to being hurt. Self-love simply means loving who you are – and that’s what I do.

 

Tonya Barbee is author of The Little Girl Inside: Owning My Role in My Own Pain. She’s excited about encouraging others, particularly women, to find their way during transgressions and to never, ever, give up. She lives with her two youngest of four children in Bowie, MD. Check out her website:  I am Still a Rose.

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Join the Collective. Share your self-love story with us. Send an email HERE. Put “My LYFF Story” in the subject line, and we’ll send you follow-up info. Sweet. Short. Simple!

Love Yourself First! Friday is a bi-weekly self-love series created by The Phoenix Rising Collective. Phenomenal women who fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive ‪self esteem share their stories‬.  Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.


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It’s Love Yourself First! Friday: This Phoenix is Faith

 

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Love Yourself First! Friday (LYFF) is part of our Shed Light series collection. We invite women to tell their LYFF stories to inspire and empower others to also fiercely demonstrate self-love in action.  The questions are meant to  “shed light” on various ways our featured Phoenixes are making self-care and intentional living a priority.

This week’s awesome Phoenix is Faith:

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

For me, self-love is very much intertwined with self-acceptance. Part of this is simply being my authentic self instead of trying to be the person others want or expect me to be – something I’ve struggled with in the past.

Sometimes it means accepting my limitations and not expecting perfection. My best is enough. I’ve learned to set boundaries and not take on too much, just to make someone else happy. Sometimes you have to say no.

At the same time, I think self-love is partially what enables me to push myself to achieve. I grew up knowing I wanted more for my life than I felt I was being offered. Because I love myself, I have worked hard to accomplish many goals. I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished so far, and I love myself enough to continue to strive for more.

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“I’ve found that the larger variety of healthy foods I eat, the more I enjoy making healthy choices and love to try new recipes.”

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practices, etc)

I put a lot of emphasis on mental self-care. I try to keep my self-talk positive. If I wouldn’t say something to a friend or to my daughter, why should I say it to myself? Speaking of friends, I try to nurture my relationships and surround myself with positive influences as much as possible. My friends are a priority in my life and I feel lucky that they make me a priority, too. I think that a good laugh or conversation with a friend can soothe the soul like nothing else.

I love to eat healthy (and delicious) food, and drink lots of water. I don’t believe in “dieting” or depriving myself of food. Instead, I try to incorporate as many fruits, veggies and whole grains as possible- and when I want something less healthy I eat it, too. I’ve found that the larger variety of healthy foods I eat, the more I enjoy making healthy choices and love to try new recipes. I hate the way society has taught so many women and girls to count every calorie and associate food with being “good” or “bad.” I try to eat for longevity and health – not what society says I should look like.

I try to work physical activity into my life, although in my current state (month 9 of pregnancy) I have been slacking. I’m not a person who enjoys traditional exercise and I hate running, so I have to find ways to make being active interesting for me. I really enjoy taking long walks (especially with my family). I also like participating in classes at my gym, like yoga or Zumba. I really want to get a bike, too! Anything that feels more like an adventure or experience rather than work is right up my alley.

Finally, I make sleep a priority. I recently heard someone describe sleep as the only basic human need that we tend to delegitimize or look at as a weakness. Most nights I am asleep not long after 10 p.m.

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

As a mother with a full-time career outside of the home, I face many demands and really have to work at balance. There have been days when I cried after dropping my daughter off at the sitter’s in the morning and there have been days when I cried when I had to leave a work meeting early to pick her up. Not many of my co-workers have children (and most of those who do have much older children), so there have definitely been times when I worried about how my commitment outside of work as a mother impacted perceptions of my job performance. There have been times that I felt guilty for being away from my daughter during the day. At the same time, I enjoy and am proud of both aspects of my life, so I’ve learned to allow myself to embrace the positive feelings that both working and being a mother bring into my life and let go of the negative feelings of self-doubt or not being “enough.” I show myself love by giving myself permission to focus on the task at hand – whether work or being with my daughter- without guilt. It helps having an awesome and supportive partner (my husband, Matt).

Motherhood has actually had a strong impact on my self-love in a lot of ways. I think one of the things I was afraid of before becoming a mother was losing a sense of myself. Instead, I’ve discovered a lot about myself that I didn’t know before. Sometimes I’m amazed at what I’m capable of. The amount of love I have for my daughter has given me confidence that I didn’t know I had. I make better choices because I know she is constantly watching and learning from me. Also, some of the things I love most about her are traits that I can also see in myself. How can I not love the things we have in common?

What have you learned from self-love?

Simple gratitude. I am more grateful than I can express for all the beauty in my life. It really is reciprocal: The more grateful I am for my life, the more I love myself. And the more I love myself, the more grateful I feel.

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Join the Collective. Share your self-love story with us. Send an email HERE. Put “My LYFF Story” in the subject line, and we’ll send you follow-up info. Sweet. Short. Simple!

Love Yourself First! Friday is a bi-weekly self-love series created by The Phoenix Rising Collective. Phenomenal women who fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive ‪self esteem share their stories‬.  Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.


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The Take 3 Method: Eating the Right Amount of Good Food at the Right Time

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I like fitness, but I also like to eat.  I would assume the latter part of that sentence is true for most people. I mean, seriously, food is good and we need it to survive. That is why I am not a big fan of diets. Instead, I believe in eating the right amount of good food at the right time.

As part of my Tabata Bootcamp program, I talk to my clients about nutrition.  Nutrition is an extremely important part of your life and fitness program.  Bad nutrition can completely sabotage a great workout.

Every time you sit down to eat ask yourself three simple questions:

  1. Am I hungry?
  2. Is it a good choice?
  3. How much do I need?

 

Many times we eat out of boredom: While we’re sitting at the computer, watching a movie, or reading a book. Or we eat because it is convenient: At a party, “food day” at work, or meals sent over by relatives. Before you eat, ask yourself if you are really hungry. If your answer is “no”, stop there! Also, try drinking a glass of water then waiting. Our stomach sends the same signal to our brains for thirst as it does for hunger. You may think you are hungry and really you may just be thirsty.

If you truly are ready for a meal or a snack, the next question should be, “is it a good choice?”.  Yes, you may be hungry, but a Snickers bar from the vending machine is not a good choice. Instead, pack carrot sticks, cucumber slices, almonds, low-fat cheese, pistachios, or fruit.  If you are at dinner, go for the whole grains and lean meat such as fish or baked chicken instead of fried foods or red meat.

PhotoGrid_1428275789533-1The last important question is about portion. I grew up in an Italian family where you were expected to eat the full portion and usually a second helping as well.  However, despite your family’s expectations or what society tells us, we do not need to finish everything on our plates.  In fact, most restaurants give us way TOO MUCH food!  Eat slow and drink lots of water.  When you are full…stop! If you are at a restaurant, immediately ask for a to-go box and box up half of your meal before you even take a bite. This will remove the temptation to eat it all. This last question is also important if you allow yourself to have dessert: Take a few bites, but you do not need to eat the whole piece (or whole bag of cookies)!

Food Journaling:

I also recommend finding an accountability partner.  Together keep a food journal. Write down everything you eat during the day and then at the end of the week share you journal with your partner.  If you know someone is checking your progress, you are less likely to eat the bacon cheeseburger and fries.

There are great apps available as well to help you track your food intake, such as MyFitnessPal.

Fitness and nutrition go hand in hand. If you are committed to living a healthy lifestyle, don’t forget the importance of healthy food choices.  Step away from the diet and choose to use the Take Three Method.

In health, fitness, and love!

Megan

 

Want more details on The Take Three Method? Well, take a look at the Tabata Bootcamp Nutrition Guide.  For additional fitness coaching, contact Megan here.

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About the Contributing Writer:

Megan_Weidner[PRC Health Contributor]Megan Weidner is the Health + Wellness contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective; she is a fitness coach and environmentalist in the Akron/Canton, Ohio area. She manages a global sustainability and corporate responsibility program for a large multinational company; her areas include environmental compliance, social equity, community engagement and health and wellness. Megan is also devoted to Rock. It. Fitness., her fitness and natural skincare business. She is committed to making the world a better, more environmentally friendly and healthier place through motivation and education. She is certified through AFAA and Tabata Bootcamp.  She has a B.S. in Soil, Environmental, and Atmospheric Science (University of Missouri), a Graduate Certificate in Environmental Management and Policy (University of Denver) and an M.P.A (University of Missouri).  She lives in Green, Ohio with her husband and three kids.


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AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY: Notice Great Things!

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Believe it, Phoenix! Great things DO happen to you everyday – big and small. You can recognize them by choosing to live in the moment.

Practice mindfulness. Take a few deep breaths and just be present.

In the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, “Practice sharing the fullness of your being, your best self, your enthusiasm, your vitality, your spirit, your trust, your openness, above all, your presence. Share it with yourself, with your family, with the world.”  (Book: Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life)

Tip: As a way to express gratitude for and assist you in the practice of recognizing those great things (big and small) that happen in your day, journal about them or share the experiences with someone who will appreciate and support what you’re doing, the new, positive habit you’re creating. Notice how these simple, yet very impactful, exercises shift your perspective and overall mood.

Mindfulness is integral to your commitment to be self-love in action. Practice!

 


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It’s Love Yourself First! Friday: This Phoenix is Monique

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Love Yourself First! Friday (LYFF) is part of our Shed Light series collection. We invite women to tell their LYFF stories to inspire and empower others to also fiercely demonstrate self-love in action.  The questions are meant to  “shed light” on various ways our featured Phoenixes are making self-care and intentional living a priority.

This week’s inspiring Phoenix is Monique:

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

Loving myself first means realizing my own value and walking in that light at all times. Loving myself first means understanding that I am worthy of all of the positivity, joy, and PEACE of mind that I can experience in my God-given 24 hours – without guilt or hesitation. Loving myself first means believing I am worth it not because someone else told me so; because my Creator made it so!

 What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul?

I demonstrate the love I have for myself by making sure that what I take in physically, spiritually, and mentally is beneficial to MY health. From drinking water and walking to daily prayer and keeping a positive circle around me; I strive daily to honor the God within by treating myself well. Some days are more challenging than others, but with each new day, there is another opportunity for me to improve in self-love, and for that I am grateful!

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

Experiencing separation, divorce, and the challenges of rebuilding my life showed me where I needed to grow as a person. I had time to reflect on the mistakes I made and the reality that I really didn’t love myself, making it impossible to truly love someone else. Through those experiences, I learned that in order to heal and move forward, I had to first love myself enough to forgive – forgive others, and most importantly, forgive myself. Guilt, shame, and doubt were like weights around my neck. Once I shed those, I NEVER looked back. I knew God had more for me, and I was ready to go after it.

What have you learned from self-love?

From self-love, I have learned that as a woman I have the power to attract who and what I am into my circumference. All of my relationships are mirrors of some aspect of me, whether good or bad. Negativity doesn’t just magically appear; I either cause it or allow it in my life. Period. Love for self doesn’t produce victims; it gives birth to survivors. Once love for self became more than a cliché and actually became my way of life, I began to repel what didn’t add to my life, and I attracted genuine love in return. On June 17, I will celebrate 3 years of marriage to the man I believe God sent to me.  And I am enjoying the journey of finally meeting the Monique I never knew. When I look at myself five years ago and now, all I can say is God is the Greatest!

 

Monique’s LYFF Collage:

We asked our Phoenix, Monique, to submit photos demonstrating self-love in action or even photos that radiate the feeling of loving who she is. We created a collage (shown above) of the images she wanted to share. Here’s what she had to say about why these authentically reflect her self-love:  “The photos I have chosen are a powerful testimony of the transformation that loving God and myself have caused in my life!”

Thanks for sharing your self-love story with us, Monique. You are definitely a Phoenix Rising!

 

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If you’d like to share your self-love story with The Collective contact us here.

Love Yourself First! Friday is a bi-weekly self-love series created by The Phoenix Rising Collective. Beautiful, diverse women tell stories of triumph, share personal affirmations, and declare love for their lives! The series is meant to inspire and empower women to fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive self-esteem.  Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.

 


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Healthy Ways to Indulge Your Spirit

Healthy Ways to Indulge Your Spirit[the phoenix rising collective]

A friend recently told me that we must celebrate ourselves. Sometimes celebrating oneself means indulging into an abyss of unadulterated joy. Simply put, doing something that makes you giddy…makes you laugh…makes you feel warm inside. Think about it. After you’ve worked your fingers to the bone all week, supported family and friends through some act of giving, and/or volunteered your services to the community, you just might want to ask yourself, “How can I give to myself to rejuvenate?” Some people call it self-care. I call it art-care because as an artist, I like to feed the artistic soul by many means necessary – not “any means” but “many means.”

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Flint Farmers’ Market – Flint, MI

So I decided this past August/early September to indulge in Flint’s greatness – The Flint Farmers’ Market, located at 300 E. First Street. Flint, Michigan – the place to which I have returned after gallivanting across seas to hang out in the Tuscan hills and then hit four different hearths along the east coast (New York, Delaware, North Carolina, and Florida) because that’s where family resides. You know the phrase: home is where the heart is? Well, I have returned to my home to continue the work I have been called to do, and it was amazing to experience a newness in this town. I saw local grocers, communities-within-the-community, people hugging, lunching, and scurrying back to work after listening to live music at the market that reopened in the new downtown location this past summer. I was amazed by the colors that surrounded me. No, I am not talking about race. I am talking about how colorful, tangible and rich the environment was – filled with Flint folk/Flintstones/Flint community. FLINT!

I have been working in Flint for roughly 10 years (not counting the overseas disappearing act I pulled this past year). I lived in the suburbs when I first moved to Michigan and specifically decided to work in Flint. As time progressed I found myself moving closer and closer to the city that many have fled, according to various articles and statistics. Funny enough, there is a haven in this urban space. I call it a spirit that layers the surface of these infamous Saginaw Street bricks. Each day there is a sort of artistic hopefulness that keeps me thriving and seeking, and (Aha!) self-indulging in ways that I probably would not have considered a few years ago. So in fact, this article is about finding out how you can self-indulge in your environment – big or small. Even when people say, “There is nothing to do here.” Au contraire!

I offer 5 tips on self- indulging in your environment, no matter how quaint or desolate the place in which you live.

  1. Research what’s unique in your hometown and explore. It’s your adventure, so find something that speaks to your heart. It might even spark a little hometown pride. You might want to be a part of a committee that is putting on a parade, festival or community event. If that’s too much, simply go and be a spectator.
  2. Do something you’ve never done but have always wanted to do like volunteering, zip-lining, dancing, drawing,  gardening. The list is endless. It can’t hurt, right? Stepping out of your comfort zone can be scary but once you’ve done it there is a sort of self-indulging/self-confidence boost that rears its head.
  3. Self-indulging does not have to mean ‘leave your place of residence.’ It may simply be staying indoors and resting the mind by taking a nice long nap; reading a book strictly for pleasure; watching Netflix with a big bowl of popcorn you popped in the old-school popcorn popper – yes, some of us don’t use the microwave for everything.
  4. How about a personal project you’ve been wanting or needing to finish? Maybe you want to continue your musical lessons or learn a 2nd language or learn to knit a scarf. If you don’t want to leave your home and you have Internet, a smartphone or computer, you can search for a tutorial on Youtube. It’s FREE!
  5. Do something in a group or with another person. It doesn’t have to be grand; an example is culinary arts. OK, you might not have a passion for cooking, but if you have a passion for eating, then this might urge you to create something befitting to you and your group’s taste buds. Make it a project. You can have lots of fun when grocery shopping with the right group and then creating a meal with people you absolutely enjoy.

self_indulgence_farmersmarket[the phoenix rising collective]

I only offered a few tips, but in fact there are a number of things you can do for self-indulgence! For me, I grabbed my camera many-a-days this past August and headed to the Flint Farmers’ Market to be among color (photos above) instead of staying in my very earth tone home that could use a splash or two of RGB (red green blue – chemistry 101). My final point is sometimes we complain about our environments, and we do not take those extra measures to find the treasure that lies beneath our feet. But indeed the treasure is there waiting for us to expose its beauty.

 

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About the Contributing Writer:

traci_currie[contributor]the phoenix rising collectiveTraci Currie is The Phoenix Rising Collective’s Art + Creativity contributor. She is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes The PRC will help young women reach their highest potential.  “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.” Read her latest posts.

 


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AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY: I am Ready to Create the Experiences I Want for my Life

Create Your Experiences[affirmation]the phoenix rising collective

You create the experiences you want for your life. Intentional living begins with the daily practice of making healthy, courageous, and authentic choices that honor and empower you. What do you really want? Don’t wait for whatever it is to just fall in your lap or for someone else to supply the inspiration. Create it. Be self-love in action!


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AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY: I am grateful for my talents and abilities.

affirmation_grateful_talents[the phoenix rising collective]

Remember, you’ve been given everything you need! Recognize it. Tap into it. Express gratitude for it! Be self-love in action.


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It’s Love Yourself First! Friday: Today’s Phoenix is Aisha

Aisha_LYFF_Feature[The Phoenix Rising Collective]

Love Yourself First! Friday (LYFF) is part of our Shed Light series collection. We invite women to tell their LYFF stories to inspire and empower others to also fiercely demonstrate self-love in action.  The questions are meant to  “shed light” on various ways our featured Phoenixes are making self-care and intentional living a priority.

This week’s motivated and courageous Phoenix is Aisha:

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

Learning to love myself has evolved into a continuous process of practicing self-preservation. Self-preservation for me has come to mean holding myself accountable and really putting myself, and my needs, first.

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practices, etc)

The actions that demonstrate the self-care I provide to my mind, body, and soul include checking in with myself on a regular basis, doing mindfulness meditation exercises, and seeking out therapy regularly.

Aisha

Aisha, Phoenix LYFF Feature – “I am the happiest I’ve been in a really long time.”

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

My journey toward loving myself first has been met with several challenges. First, I am a nurturer. I’ve had to learn that I cannot put other people’s needs before mine all of the time. This has been very difficult because in the past when people would call on me for help I very rarely said no. I often found myself showing up for other people – but not being left with enough energy to show up for myself. Once I realized I began working closely with a mentor who taught me the beauty of saying no. Learning to say no became not only something that sounds nice when I write for The Phoenix Rising Collective, but it became an act of self-preservation.

My second largest challenge came when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I went through a long period of time where I was struggling with not sleeping and began to feel very anxious about doing everyday tasks. Things that used to be easy or enjoyable for me like driving, going out, or planning my outfit for the day became anxiety ridden, unnerving, and sometimes terrifying. I sought out help from a counselor and was shortly after diagnosed with bipolar disorder. To be honest, the diagnosis itself seemed scary when I first heard it. I wanted to reject it because I was afraid of what other people would think about me: would other people think that I was broken or somehow incapable of doing all of the things I enjoyed doing (at school, work, in the community)? But after I sat with the diagnosis for a while I realized that it didn’t change me, that it didn’t make me a different or less capable person. I realized that I needed to face this obstacle as just that – something to overcome. With the help of my therapist I started medication and have been doing extraordinarily well. I have been the happiest I have felt in a long time. Dealing with this has left my mind free to focus on doing things that make me happy. I am happy.

What have you learned from self-love?

From self-love I have learned that I am more than what I think that I am. I have learned that I am capable of doing things that I have only dreamed of. I have learned that I am able to look at challenges and see around them.

Above all else, I think that self-love has taught me that I can put myself first without feeling guilty about it. I have learned that I am worthy of saving, that I can save myself, and saving myself feels damn good. I am often reminded of a quote from Alice Sebold’s memoir Lucky, “No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved.” I’ve never been more sure that this quote is true than right now in my life.

Aisha’s LYFF Collage:

We asked Aisha to also submit and explain photos demonstrating self-love in action or even photos that radiate the feeling of loving who she is. We created a collage (shown above) of the inspiring images she wanted to share. Below she expresses why these photos are so special to her:

The pictures of me smiling make me think about how I am the happiest I’ve been in a really long time! The plane ticket made me think of how traveling previously caused me a lot of anxiety; for example, I went places but I felt really heavy when I did. This summer I was able to travel so much. I felt so free. The last time I had gone to the beach I didn’t enjoy myself because I was so anxious, but the picture of the beach reminds that I felt free. It was beautiful.

 

Thank you for sharing your self-love story, Aisha. You are definitely a Phoenix rising!

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If you’d like to share your self-love story with The Collective contact us here.

Love Yourself First! Friday is a weekly self-love series created by The Phoenix Rising Collective. Beautiful, diverse women tell stories of triumph, share personal affirmations, and declare love for their lives! The series is meant to inspire and empower women to fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive self-esteem.  Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.