On her Saturday morning news show in mid- April 2014, Melissa Harris-Perry interviewed hip hop emcee Pharoahe Monch. During the interview, she asked him about the significance of his new album being titled P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). He calmly replied that he wanted to be more transparent on this album and discuss his personal challenges with depression. While watching this short but candid interview I was also skimming various online articles about beauty/lifestyle blogger and founder of FOR BROWN GIRLS, Karyn Washington, committing suicide. While the details vary (at least expressed through various media outlets) about the reasons the beautiful 22 year old committed suicide, my initial response was, what it always is when I learn someone – anyone – decides to take their own life, “why?”. This isn’t a question to judge or criticize with a “chile, please” side-eye. It’s more of a question that’s posed to understand the psychological, emotional, and/or spiritual rationale for the decision. It ponders whether or not it could have been prevented. It’s an inquisitive attempt to discern what seemingly unresolved inner struggles led to suicide as a final decision. It’s a “why” harboring great disdain toward a healthcare system in which African-Americans are disproportionately under served or denied access to quality mental health services. Of this striking statistic, black women specifically are drastically impacted. According to NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Health), “Many African American women do not seek treatment because it is viewed as a weakness and not a mental health problem. Only 12% of African American women seek help and/or treatment.” We have been conditioned to mask or suppress symptoms of depression, stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. by hiding behind a face full of M.A.C., taking antidepressant pills, gulping down bottles of wine like Olivia Pope, or the other extreme, contemplating ending life altogether.
Karyn Washington, Founder, For Brown Girls
This cyclone of thoughts swirled in my head for about 15 minutes. Then I went on a reflective journey examining my own battle with depression, as well as the need for even more transparency in my relationships and candor about discussing my mental health issues. I also considered all the black women in my family and intimate circle, as well as those whom I work with and others I may share an exchange or two with during the morning commute. We all attempt to bare the face of Ms. Got-my-stuff-together-and-I’m-in-control; yet many of us are visibly and quickly unraveling at the seams. Generally speaking, many black women are not communing with one another (or anyone else) to have truthful conversations about the daily pressures that plague us.
I am a firm believer that every human emotion is governed by either fear or love. We can attach a myriad of adjectives to our emotions, but essentially they all trace back to fear or love. That said, how can black women begin to collectively conquer the fear of admitting to mental exhaustion or defeat in our lives? How do we begin to shatter the illusion of poker-faced perfection we’ve allowed to permeate our beings? How do we create the sacred spaces amongst ourselves, and if necessary, go back (one, two, or three generations) to our foremothers and examine the cyclical and recurring themes surrounding battles with mental health? Finally, how can we nurture and support one another in operating at our highest capacities within institutions that are mere microcosms of a larger culture that explicitly undermines and devalues our effort (to say the least) toward equal existence in every facet of our lives?
I don’t have all the answers nor am I a mental healthcare professional by any stretch of the imagination. However, as a womyn that considers herself to be colossally self-aware and observant of other womyn around her, I very vividly witness my reflection all around me. Sisters, many of us are sharing a global experience. Let’s open our eyes, our hearts, our minds, and our mouths to vehemently discuss all that runs rampant in promoting constant turmoil and decay. We cannot and should not carry this burden alone. Let’s seek out the help, support, treatment, circles, resources etc. that we need to help us shift into the divine image and likeness we were created in.
It has been one of my most intentional prayers that black women can embark on a new journey. And on this journey we learn the profound impact of initiating decisions that support us compassionately, intensely, fearlessly, unabashedly, and fully loving ourselves and one another. Divine Goddesses, we have the ability to be vulnerable and powerful at the same time.
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About the Contributing Writer:
W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.
Nurture the vision you have for your life by believing that it will manifest. Whatever it is: starting a business, writing a book, finding a spiritual partner/soul mate, having a family, buying a home, taking a trip by yourself, finishing a college course, etc. You name it. If you’re affirming through your thoughts and actions that it’s what you really want, then trust that things are positively moving in that direction. Believe that the universe is working for your greatest good. Stop worrying about how it will happen; in fact, let go of ‘how’ and trust that what you need (when you need it) will be provided at the right time. Stay open to and flexible in your experiences and ever mindful of signs that your vision is manifesting itself. View your setbacks and challenges along the way (whether major or minor) as course correction, lessons to be learned in preparation for the vision’s fruition. Stop asking when it will happen, and KNOW that it is happening.
Be grateful. Tonight (after your day of doing all that you do), choose to express gratitude by focusing on the positive, inspirational things that happened to you (or even moments that happened to others and how good it made you feel).
Take a moment to reflect on the beauty, love, joy, happiness, and growth you witnessed and experienced – big and small – in nature and/or with people (including yourself). Journal about them. It’s as simple as, “Today I am grateful for…” and listing each one. It doesn’t have to be a large list. In fact, just journal until you feel you’re ready to stop. Make it a daily, intentional practice, and observe how this exercise in mindfulness shifts your perspective and transforms your life!
Tip: Select a journal/notebook that you love and use it specifically for gratitude journaling. And you can reference it as a reminder of how abundantly and consistently awesome your life really is and to keep yourself centered on the importance of being in the moment.
Be self-love in action.
Do you already have a gratitude journal? If so, how has it shifted your perspective on life? How often do you express your gratitude?
We think, feel, and act on our vibes without question or hesitation. -Sonia Choquette
What are vibes and why should we trust them? Our vibes are our intuition, and we make our best decisions by listening to them.
Learning About Vibes: Aisha’s Story
I only recently got into vibes. I was having a pretty difficult time, with life in general, when Simone (being the lovely friend she is) sent me a book geared at teaching me to trust my vibes. The book Simone sent me was Trusting Your Vibes by Sonia Choquette. I decided to start reading the book at night before bed and low-and-behold, it helped to give me some better insight into this whole vibe thing.
Now that I’m officially on board with the concept of vibes, let me tell you as a beginner what exactly trusting my own vibes has meant to me. There are a few themes that have resonated with me thus far on my journey:
The Importance of Sleep – Wait, What is that Anyway?
Anyone who knows me knows that I have problems with sleep. Mainly my problems with sleep come from just not getting any sleep, or infrequently getting a good night’s rest. Even as I write this, it is 1:47am, and I plan to be up early to go to class. One of the things Choquette suggests in the book is getting sleep, because you can’t listen to your vibes correctly if you are too tired. This resonated with me. As I move toward better listening to my vibes and following my intuition I have begun to focus on trying to get adequate amounts of sleep (if we don’t count tonight).
Paying Attention to What Goes In – Eating Better
Eating right and being nice to your body is also important for being able to pay adequate attention to your vibes. This is one thing that I have begun to refocus on lately, and it has helped. My sister who is on deployment asked me to take part in a fitness challenge with her, which requires that I journal all of my food and liquid consumption and all of my exercise. Taking the time to be conscious of what I am putting in my body has helped me have a better understanding of what listening to my body means.
The Power of Words
I always knew that words had power – but learning about trusting my vibes has solidified this for me. I now understand how what I put out in the form of words can affect my overall being. With that in mind, I’ve been working with a statement that I try to repeat to myself several times throughout the day – that statement for me is “this shall pass” – and so far it has helped immensely.
Your sixth sense is really your first sense. -Sonia Choquette
Trusting My Vibes: Simone’s Story
I love the quote above by Sonia Choquette. A few years ago, my Godmother let me flip through her copy of Choquette’s Trust Your Vibes.I had always thought of myself as very intuitive; however, it was the skim through Choquette’s book that encouraged me to dive deeper into my intuition and spirituality. I read her book just about everyday because it guides me in following spiritual law instead of living a life where I am not in tune with the Universe or myself.
Live in the Moment + Expect the Very Best from the Universe
In the past, I was very anxious, always expecting the worst. However, Choquette’s book has taught me to live in the moment and expect the very best from the Universe. To me, this means focusing on and enjoying what is right in front of me instead of trying to control everything. When I live in the moment, I am able to recognize the love around me: The laughter coming from my friends’ bellies, the mason jar of grapes feeling me with energy, and my cat, Ice T staring a hole into my soul!
Recognizing love, for me, lets me know that everything is already all right. I love being full of laughter, health, and good music, so I stay where good things are and expect them to be good, again and again. In the moment, I know that my power lies in being happy and full of love. If you are thinking about that typo you may or may not have fixed in your final draft, you might miss the opportunity to return a smile to a stranger or miss the sun setting on the way home from class. You could also miss the answers to your prayers. The moment is not only filled with happiness and love, it is also a place of intuition. I’ve learned so much about my life’s purpose and myself just by observing the colors, sounds, animals, buildings, etc. that surround me. I often say what I observe aloud or mentally; for example, “Ice T is snoring!” This technique helps me to recognize the love and beauty that surrounds me, which in turn, keeps me happy and full of positive energy.
Four Ways To Honor/Tap Into Your Intuition
We have complied a list of ways to stay in the moment and tap into your intuition. Get ready to trust your vibes, baby!
Create a Personal Altar – You can use your altar to connect with your spirit, intuition, and God. You can place pictures of family, candles, plants, purified water, and healing stones on your altar to help you connect with the deeper parts of yourself. Visit your altar everyday, and give thanks for guidance.
Keep an Intuition Journal – Create a journal to document your intuitive moments. Did you know you’d win those front row tickets to the Beyoncé concert? Write it down. Did you decide to take another way home and later discover that there had been a huge accident on your usual route? Write it down. The more we write down our intuitive moments and give thanks for our vibes, the more empowered we are to think positively and live in the moment.
Meditate / Yoga – “When you listen you become intuitive.” Meditation really encourages you to be still. In our experiences, being still helps us to become aware of the thought patterns, habits, etc. that keep us from accessing our vibes. Moreover, being still gives us the opportunity to listen to ourselves and connect with our intuition. Yoga does the same for us. And the plus with yoga is that we get both a physical and spiritual “workout.”
Eat Well + Sleep Well + Exercise – As Aisha mentioned, a healthy body is a great starting point for tapping into your intuition. When you’re rested and full of energy, you are more likely to feel your vibes.
Listening to our vibes has worked wonders in our lives. We’ve presented excellent papers at conferences, started new activities, met new people, and have been laughing so much more. Oh, and we’ve found missing bobby pins in the moments where we’ve stopped to cook ourselves a nice breakfast. Yes, bobby pins are everywhere!
So, tell us, have you trusted your vibes lately? If not, when will you begin?
Aisha Upton is a second-year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests include Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance. Be sure to read Aisha + Simone’s unique take on Life + Style and the importance of letting who you are shine through when defining your personal style.
Simone Savannahis an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably. Simone is teaming with Aisha (read about her below) to bring you a unique take on Life + Style.
Women supporting other women, it’s alright. –Ledisi
Yes, it’s as simple as this quote. (We absolutely love it, by the way!) Women need to support one another in our commitment to being better – personally, spiritually, professionally, and emotionally, as there is strength and empowered action in numbers!
Create a positive sister circle, or as one of our contributing writers calls it, “My Goddess Squad,” who believe in what you want for your life, and also believe that there’s enough to go around. We’ve heard it before, “What’s meant for you will be for you.” In other words, if it’s yours, no one can take it away. The universe will open to give it to you in one way or another at the perfect time. And if your Goddess Squad believes this, too, there’s no room for envy, jealousy, and coveting what the next person has. So, do away with that deficit thinking by choosing more positively affirming thoughts and actions, and make one of those actions selecting a circle of women that supports your deepest dreams, goals, and desires.
In essence, keep doing the work (and only you know what that entails). Be patient. Celebrate the process. Remain open. Network with like-minded women. And lastly, support one another on your awesome paths to appointed greatness! You never know; a sister in your divine network may have (or knows someone who has) the perfect opportunity you’ve been patiently waiting to seize. “Women supporting other women, it’s alright.” In fact, it’s more than alright. It’s beautiful.
Why are you concerned about what other people think? What do YOU think? This is what’s important, especially when it comes to your own dreams, goals, or desires; it’s you who has to believe in them more than anyone else. You have to support them before anyone else will. Invest the time and energy (often spent worrying about what others will think or how they will react to what you want) on constructing a plan of action for that project you’ve been putting off; that book you want to write; that business you want to build; that promotion you want to ask for; that big trip you want to take. The support you’re seeking starts with you; the rest is a direct reflection of where you’re choosing to focus. Have your own back! And then, watch what happens; you will be aligned with like-minded people, directed to positive opportunities, and placed in empowering situations that support the awesome vision you have for your life.
It’s Women’s History Month and we want to shout out some of the women in our lives who have inspired us. While it is important to highlight women from history, it is often our own life histories that have the largest impact on our day-to-day lives. The women we’re featuring below are exemplars of style and beacons of light on very personal, everyday levels.
Aisha’s Mother – “My Mommy is the Best Mother of All Time”
The first person I want to recognize is my mommy. I know that everyone claims this, but my mommy is the best mother of all time. She has always been an inspiration to me and continues to inspire me every single day.
One of the main ways she has been an inspiration is by providing a blueprint for perseverance. When my father became a drug addict, my mother found herself raising three children on her own. In true mommy style, she not only raised us but also did a great job at it. Growing up she found a way to work two jobs and still be an extremely active parent. And she is still the number one supporter of my siblings and me; honestly, she is one of my best friends.
After I left for college and my sister left for the Navy, my mother decided to go back to school. Working two jobs, still, she started putting herself through school and moving toward a nursing degree. She has shown me that perseverance is key. Oftentimes when I feel down, she reminds me that bad times do not last forever – and she is right.
My mother’s style of doing things, of making a way out of seemingly no way, and of pushing that rock to get everyone out of a hard place is simply amazing. So often my mother stops to tell me how proud she is of me – but honestly, I owe everything I am, both literally and figuratively, to her. She brought me into this world and it is her determination and perseverance that have gotten me this far.
Aisha’s Sister – “Having a Little Sister to Play with was Pretty Awesome, Too!”
Most of my time during childhood was spent with my brother and sister. Because of this we are all very close. My sister, Jazmin, was born two years after me. Although I was initially my older brother’s partner in crime, having a little sister to play with was pretty awesome, too. Like all sisters who grow up sharing everything (toys, clothes, and a room) we also shared a pretty healthy mix of arguing and getting along. As we’ve grown older we have grown closer.
Jazmin joined the Navy on her 17th birthday. Because of this she ends up spending most of her time thousands of miles away from our family. This can feel rough at times because we miss her a lot, but when we talk on the phone or when she is stateside (and I get to visit her) we always have an amazing time. Sometimes it feels like Jazmin is my little-big sister because she seems to have her life so much more together than I do. She pushes me and our mother to take care of ourselves (even from oversees right now, Jazmin checks on me to make sure I am eating healthy – that is LOVE).
My sister is an inspiration to me because she exemplifies determination. She knew very early on what she wanted and she went for it. She wanted to join the Navy – and so she did. She wanted to make her life and our lives better – and so she has. Jazmin was determined to make an amazing life for herself and she has. One of the greatest pleasures of my life, thus far, has been being able to watch Jazmin grow up into the beautiful and smart woman that she is.
Simone’s Mother – “I Did Not Recognize My Mother’s Light Until She Passed Away”
First, I want to honor my mother who is my angel. Truthfully, I did not recognize my mother’s light until after she passed away in 2003. So much of it was blocked by her struggle against her insecurities. My mother’s solution, to undergo gastric-bypass surgery, eventually cost her her life; she died as a result of post-operative complications. Initially, after she passed, I did not see my mother as a strong woman because I thought she was always preoccupied with how others perceived her. She chose to have the operation because being called fat made her upset and also made her feel ugly. Sometimes she defended herself against the marks, and there were also moments where I could not tell that people’s remarks affected her. Reflecting on those moments, I realize that my mother did, in fact, love herself. No matter the pain (physical and mental) she was going through, she still laughed and smiled—oh, and took hundreds of pictures of herself (ha—if she had Facebook, we’d be competing with selfies!). I can still see her throwing her head back in laughter the day she had her left breast amputated.
I am honoring my mother for her simplicity. She was in and out of the hospital and had to take care of several children after being laid off. The struggle with her insecurities complicated her life in some ways; however, she never lost sight of peace and happiness. During her panic attacks, she just wanted me to lie with her. And during her stays in the hospital, she just wanted my grandmother to comb her hair. She was aware of the love in and around her, and though “too late,” I think she realized that she did not have to risk her life to be accepted/loved by the people who would never love her anyway. My mother taught me that pain is complicated and will attempt to eat away your happiness. Her journey continues to inspire me to live my life simply, especially in a way that keeps her light shining.
Simone’s Sister – “Brittani is One of My Best Friends”
Ah, my little button-nose lover! (She is probably cracking up reading this right now.) My younger sister, Brittani is one of my best friends, and I am honoring her for her love and positivity. I can always count on her to make me laugh, or laugh at my crazy jokes! And just like my mother, she always throws her head back in laughter.
And speaking of mothers—Brittani is the mother of two beautiful children, Breaker (Baby Breaker) and Brielle (Chunka Munka!). When she became a mother, she was as nervous as any first-time mom would be. She was also very happy and in love with her new role, though some people judged her for becoming a mother at the age of 16. When she had Chunka Munka at 21, people continued to judge her; however, Brittani loves her life and sees her children as on time and a part of the Creator’s plan for her. Sometimes she does call me because she is upset at people and their hurtful remarks. However, before I can tell her that I am on my way with Vaseline, she bounces back. She moves from being upset to “Well, anyway. Grey’s is coming on tonight!” And what’s most beautiful, I think, is her unwavering love. She continues to love and do good things for others despite the pain some have attempted to cause her.
Brittani does not always think she is this positive and loving person, but I want her to know that when she texts me things like, “Good morning, my sista!” or posts Facebook statuses about how much she loves her family, I melt on the inside. She is such a beacon of love and light. I want her to know how resilient she is, and how her resilience inspires me to bounce back and keep moving. And I know watching Netflix through a wine hangover is not the same struggle as changing diapers on 3 hours of sleep, but all that strength and happiness in her, encourages me to live in love and positivity. Mother Earth loves you, Sissy Button Love.
So, who are you honoring for Women’s History Month? How has she inspired you? What does her life mean to you? What does her style of doing things teach you?
Below we’ve compiled 10 simple ways to honor and celebrate the women in your own life:
Have tea/coffee or a meal together (or cook a meal for her) – A home-cooked meal or hot beverage always warms the soul; it’s also a very inexpensive way to show someone how much you appreciate them.
Plan a craft or cooking day – If she’s artsy/crafty, this will be right up her alley; not only will she love spending time working with her hands, she’ll enjoy doing it with you.
Write her a letter or a poem – This is almost a lost art, especially in the days of social media. A letter or poem will provide an opportunity for you to carve out down-time to write and to be thoughtful with your words while writing. She’ll definitely know that it’s from your heart.
Go on a hike or walk in the park – It’s great exercise and nature has a way of opening the imagination, making it a perfect time to share what’s on your mind.
Make sugar scrub or a piece of jewelry for her – Self-care should always be at the top of the list, so selecting her favorite scents for a sugar scrub or the perfect stones for a necklace will make the gift even more special to her.
Tell her that you love her everyday – Time is precious; let people know how you really feel about them.
Work out/do yoga together – Having an accountability workout partner can provide that boost of energy to keep going! Why not make that partner someone you consider a phenomenal woman?
Do a wine and movie night – It’s another great way to relax; in fact, let her choose the wine and her favorite movie.
Send her an inspirational book – We all need inspiration to maintain resilience – even the women we’re inspired by, so send her a book that has empowered you.
Make her laugh often – It’s definitely the best medicine, and nothing is more special (and hilarious) than hearing someone you love laugh!
Let us know how you honor the women in your life. Share your own life stories in the comments section—we want to continue to honor Women’s History Month with the stories we don’t read about everyday.
Simone Savannahis an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably. Simone is teaming with Aisha (read about her below) to bring you a unique take on Life + Style.
Aisha Upton is a second-year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests include Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance. Be sure to read Aisha + Simone’s unique take on Life + Style and the importance of letting who you are shine through when defining your personal style.
“SHE is NOT a feminist!” I adamantly expressed to my male mentor/adviser (whom I’ll call “David”) during a heated exchange as a high school senior. He was just as livid and turned up in opposing my viewpoint (with a very condescending smirk on his face) stating, “YES SHE IS!” We were referring to the beloved bell hooks. I was so sure in my conviction that she was not the man hating, ball busting, dyke (please excuse my terminology as this leads up to an excellent point of correction) that I assumed in my very, very, very young and immature mind that ALL feminists were. The little bit that I knew about bell hooks was that her writings heavily criticized the lack of historical literary recognition of black women’s presence within the U.S. women’s liberation and feminist movements. Her writings also sought to empower black women to find our voices and speak our truth in eradicating any and all forms of oppression against us. So, after the debate was over with David, my female mentor/adviser calmly pulled me aside and said very sternly, yet in a loving voice, “Sistah, I admire you for speaking out so passionately about something that appears to be so dear to your heart, BUT bell hooks is a feminist.”
Growing Pains
I was CRUSHED. CONFUSED. BEWILDERED! I felt so dumb for arguing a point with very little merit or specific facts to support my claims. She, Regina Laurie, my high school mentor/adviser (and now best friend of 15 years) explained to me why bell hooks was a feminist and how my perceptions of feminists were extremely flawed. She also kindly referred me to a bibliography of bell hooks’ writings that provided more insight, as I OBVIOUSLY needed to get my facts straight.
I was still vehemently angry though. I was angry because David knew that I did not know what I was talking about and he continued to argue with me. I was angry because the tone, the words, and the body language (in my opinion) that he used during the dispute further validated my foolish beliefs about how feminists, and in particular, bell hooks preached jargon that was strongly anti-strong black man, anti-heterosexual relationships, anti-nuclear black family, and any other “anti” that somehow emasculated black men. This is precisely why he was so obstinate in expressing his viewpoint. I was angry because of my realization that both our assumptions were completely inaccurate, yet he deliberated as if he was speaking THE absolute truth; thus, we both were guilty of the same crime. As my participation in the youth group progressed I recognized that I was the only one between the two of us committed to challenging my erroneous perceptions. David was completely comfortable in his male privilege. Through my awakening I gleaned he was slowly but surely interjecting his views into the fabric of the youth group comprised of precocious high school students trying to “figure it out.” Somehow the youth group committed to organizing the community, undoing racism, empowering and educating youth, and celebrating the arts as a form of social justice, experienced some major internal conflicts leading to tension and the loss of some members. We were, however, able to regain our focus and intention, and also reclaim our mission before the sponsoring organizations were no longer able to support us.
Awakening
This series of events over a period of six to seven months set the stage for me to completely fall in love with bell hooks’ writings. Through her work I was able realize my life’s purpose. These experiences were also the catalyst to transitioning my relationship with Regina from mentor/mentee to best friends, as I legally had become an adult and was entering my freshmen year in college. She continued to informally mentor me, helping to shift my juvenile thought processes and foster an enlightened young woman seeking the answers to some very real questions about life, self-identity, the “isms,” my ancestral history, and essentially what it means to be me. So between the gifts of knowledge, enlightenment, and unconditional love bestowed on me by these two powerful black women, I felt I was ready to take on the WORLD!
Sisters of the Yam, Ain’t I A Woman, Talking Back, Killing Rage, Salvation, and Communion were on heavy reading rotation during my first couple of years in college. I became heavily immersed in the books, articles, lectures, recordings, interviews and anything I could find written or spoken by bell hooks. She was my introduction to truly re-examining and re-defining the ideas of being a feminist, feminism, sexism, racism, hetero-sexism, homophobia, and classism. She helped me understand the intersections of race, class, and gender, and how these variables impact black women. I gained a sentience of my place in this world as a black woman and what that generally means pertaining to my interactions with everyone else and their perceptions – and possibly preconceived notions – about me. Through this same lens, I was able to critically analyze my relationships with black men ranging from my father to the males I dated. More importantly, bell hooks challenged me to look deeply within my conditioned self and how I had learned to perpetuate the stereotypes popularized within mainstream U.S. culture in what she would call, “white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.” Ultimately, her extensive work helped liberate my mind and soul and that allowed me to begin accepting all of humanity as a reflection of me. And only through committing to my life’s work based in feminism am I able to BE the change I want to see in the world.
I AM A Feminist
I have since been deeply inspired to define and write my own story through my work with precollege and college students, my close relationships, my home life, as well as social activities about how feminism, womanhood, and motherhood looks in my life. I’m also exceedingly encouraged by women’s stories from around the globe that define, walk in, and own the power of self-defined feminism.
In honor of Women’s History Month; March 2014, I salute the phenomenal, brutally honest, lovingly critical; author, feminist, and social activist, bell hooks.
Thank you immensely for planting seeds of self empowerment and truthful self identity as they continue to blossom, destined for greatness.
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About the Contributing Writer:
W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.
When I was growing up my father’s motto was, “READ! I don’t care what you read, as long as you read something.” I can’t recall the age, but I was sure to be wet behind the ears when I noticed a Playboy magazine in this basket of assorted reading material in our home. At first I was appalled because from what I was told, Playboy was the premiere ‘Scantily Clad Showcase’ magazine for men – basically a book full of naked women. My thought was, “Someone must’ve mistakenly left this magazine behind in our humble pious domicile. This couldn’t possibly belong to the Currie Family!” If you don’t know me, please know that my previous statement is part sarcasm and part naiveté. I remember asking my dad about the magazine and he said, “Have you ever read any of the articles in there? It’s pretty interesting reading.” As questionable as that statement sounded to me, what do you think I did? I tested his theory, maybe to prove him wrong or to simply see for myself if there was any merit to his statement. Now, I’m not going to pretend that I dived into this magazine and ecstatically found my dad to be right. I did, however, consider words he repeatedly stated to me as I was developing into the woman I am today, “I brought you up to be independent and to think.” So, in my very womanist state of mind, I had problems with perusing Playboy. But, my dad WAS right. There are interesting articles in the magazine, from the interview with Nobel Prize economist Paul Krugman and Chinese artist-activist Ai Weiwei to Reader’s Choice Best in Film 2011. That was the year Octavia Spencer won best supporting actress for The Help. Let me also note, I am fully aware that what’s interesting to one person may very well be ‘not’ interesting to someone else.
With that being said, I move forward. From the time my dad asked the simple question, “Have you ever read any of the articles…” I started to read different magazines and explore their histories – for example Playboy. In my research I learned about the artist of this month: Zelda Wynn Valdes, a fashion costume designer. She is the designer Hugh Hefner commissioned to create the first playboy bunny costumes which were debuted at the first Playboy Club in 1960. Now, I don’t know about you, but my first reaction was “Really, Zelda? How’d you get that gig?” There are many articles that respond to my question, but she states repeatedly that she was fortunate to have “God given talent” to create and design gowns for Ella Fitzgerald, Josephine Baker, Gladys Knight, Jessye Norman and other renowned women. She continued in her quest for perfection in the fashion world until her death in September 2001. Though our talents differ in scope (I create hats and scarves on a small scale), I felt akin to this woman, especially since her passing was on the date of my birth (September 26).
So the obvious truth is Hefner, like so many others, noticed her talent. Every article I have read attests to this and repeatedly says the same thing. For this reason I felt no need to rewrite what’s already been said about Zelda Wynn Valdes. However, my most immediate thought when reading about this woman was, “When you have talent that you cultivate, it begins to work for you. All you have to do is BECOME YOUR TALENT.” This is assuming you know what your talent is or know what you like to do. Zelda knew from a young age what sparked her interest, and it helped that she had a grandmother and uncle in the business from whom she could watch and learn.
How does balance play out in this scenario? I believe our gifts can be the balance we need to create happiness. And happiness is connected to one’s equilibrium, right? I’m not interested in being miserable, downtrodden, and simply surviving for the sake of repeating a very routine, monotonous life. I need more. I want to be HAPPY. Joyful, in fact. I want to do what I love and love what I do! Think about it. I can do the basics that will provide me the necessities to survive (i.e. work, eat, sleep). I can also shape my existence so that my basics are more than just routine activities that usher me into the next day. In other words, I can operate in my gift as a teacher and as an artist. This, in essence, IS my work; and if my work is my God-given talent that I cultivate regularly, then shouldn’t I be happy?
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from personal experience, it is when you figure out what you’re good at and develop that skill/talent/gift, you start operating on another plane. You are fulfilled by what moves you. And I suspect that if what you’re good at is similar to what you absolutely love, then you’ve probably hit the mark!
In the final analysis, being balanced is operating in what you’re passionate about and hopefully what you would like to get paid doing (whether payment is financial or otherwise). What a way to live!
So here’s to Zelda Wynn Valdes for operating in her gift. If I had an opportunity to sit with her at this moment and ask her how she defines ‘balance’ I have no idea what she would say. It very well may be different from what I am offering, but I do believe that part of the joy in living, even in all of one’s hard work and sleepless nights, is offering a bit of gratitude, knowing you are good at something in this world.
And what a pleasure it is that this gift or talent has been given to you, of all people! Most of all, you get to shape it, flip it, and do what you will with it to create the absolute balance you yearn.
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About the Contributing Writer:
Traci Currie is the Art + Creativity contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. Read her latest posts here.