Be grateful. Tonight (after your day of doing all that you do), choose to express gratitude by focusing on the positive, inspirational things that happened to you (or even moments that happened to others and how good it made you feel).
Take a moment to reflect on the beauty, love, joy, happiness, and growth you witnessed and experienced – big and small – in nature and/or with people (including yourself). Journal about them. It’s as simple as, “Today I am grateful for…” and listing each one. It doesn’t have to be a large list. In fact, just journal until you feel you’re ready to stop. Make it a daily, intentional practice, and observe how this exercise in mindfulness shifts your perspective and transforms your life!
Tip: Select a journal/notebook that you love and use it specifically for gratitude journaling. And you can reference it as a reminder of how abundantly and consistently awesome your life really is and to keep yourself centered on the importance of being in the moment.
Be self-love in action.
Do you already have a gratitude journal? If so, how has it shifted your perspective on life? How often do you express your gratitude?
We think, feel, and act on our vibes without question or hesitation. -Sonia Choquette
What are vibes and why should we trust them? Our vibes are our intuition, and we make our best decisions by listening to them.
Learning About Vibes: Aisha’s Story
I only recently got into vibes. I was having a pretty difficult time, with life in general, when Simone (being the lovely friend she is) sent me a book geared at teaching me to trust my vibes. The book Simone sent me was Trusting Your Vibes by Sonia Choquette. I decided to start reading the book at night before bed and low-and-behold, it helped to give me some better insight into this whole vibe thing.
Now that I’m officially on board with the concept of vibes, let me tell you as a beginner what exactly trusting my own vibes has meant to me. There are a few themes that have resonated with me thus far on my journey:
The Importance of Sleep – Wait, What is that Anyway?
Anyone who knows me knows that I have problems with sleep. Mainly my problems with sleep come from just not getting any sleep, or infrequently getting a good night’s rest. Even as I write this, it is 1:47am, and I plan to be up early to go to class. One of the things Choquette suggests in the book is getting sleep, because you can’t listen to your vibes correctly if you are too tired. This resonated with me. As I move toward better listening to my vibes and following my intuition I have begun to focus on trying to get adequate amounts of sleep (if we don’t count tonight).
Paying Attention to What Goes In – Eating Better
Eating right and being nice to your body is also important for being able to pay adequate attention to your vibes. This is one thing that I have begun to refocus on lately, and it has helped. My sister who is on deployment asked me to take part in a fitness challenge with her, which requires that I journal all of my food and liquid consumption and all of my exercise. Taking the time to be conscious of what I am putting in my body has helped me have a better understanding of what listening to my body means.
The Power of Words
I always knew that words had power – but learning about trusting my vibes has solidified this for me. I now understand how what I put out in the form of words can affect my overall being. With that in mind, I’ve been working with a statement that I try to repeat to myself several times throughout the day – that statement for me is “this shall pass” – and so far it has helped immensely.
Your sixth sense is really your first sense. -Sonia Choquette
Trusting My Vibes: Simone’s Story
I love the quote above by Sonia Choquette. A few years ago, my Godmother let me flip through her copy of Choquette’s Trust Your Vibes.I had always thought of myself as very intuitive; however, it was the skim through Choquette’s book that encouraged me to dive deeper into my intuition and spirituality. I read her book just about everyday because it guides me in following spiritual law instead of living a life where I am not in tune with the Universe or myself.
Live in the Moment + Expect the Very Best from the Universe
In the past, I was very anxious, always expecting the worst. However, Choquette’s book has taught me to live in the moment and expect the very best from the Universe. To me, this means focusing on and enjoying what is right in front of me instead of trying to control everything. When I live in the moment, I am able to recognize the love around me: The laughter coming from my friends’ bellies, the mason jar of grapes feeling me with energy, and my cat, Ice T staring a hole into my soul!
Recognizing love, for me, lets me know that everything is already all right. I love being full of laughter, health, and good music, so I stay where good things are and expect them to be good, again and again. In the moment, I know that my power lies in being happy and full of love. If you are thinking about that typo you may or may not have fixed in your final draft, you might miss the opportunity to return a smile to a stranger or miss the sun setting on the way home from class. You could also miss the answers to your prayers. The moment is not only filled with happiness and love, it is also a place of intuition. I’ve learned so much about my life’s purpose and myself just by observing the colors, sounds, animals, buildings, etc. that surround me. I often say what I observe aloud or mentally; for example, “Ice T is snoring!” This technique helps me to recognize the love and beauty that surrounds me, which in turn, keeps me happy and full of positive energy.
Four Ways To Honor/Tap Into Your Intuition
We have complied a list of ways to stay in the moment and tap into your intuition. Get ready to trust your vibes, baby!
Create a Personal Altar – You can use your altar to connect with your spirit, intuition, and God. You can place pictures of family, candles, plants, purified water, and healing stones on your altar to help you connect with the deeper parts of yourself. Visit your altar everyday, and give thanks for guidance.
Keep an Intuition Journal – Create a journal to document your intuitive moments. Did you know you’d win those front row tickets to the Beyoncé concert? Write it down. Did you decide to take another way home and later discover that there had been a huge accident on your usual route? Write it down. The more we write down our intuitive moments and give thanks for our vibes, the more empowered we are to think positively and live in the moment.
Meditate / Yoga – “When you listen you become intuitive.” Meditation really encourages you to be still. In our experiences, being still helps us to become aware of the thought patterns, habits, etc. that keep us from accessing our vibes. Moreover, being still gives us the opportunity to listen to ourselves and connect with our intuition. Yoga does the same for us. And the plus with yoga is that we get both a physical and spiritual “workout.”
Eat Well + Sleep Well + Exercise – As Aisha mentioned, a healthy body is a great starting point for tapping into your intuition. When you’re rested and full of energy, you are more likely to feel your vibes.
Listening to our vibes has worked wonders in our lives. We’ve presented excellent papers at conferences, started new activities, met new people, and have been laughing so much more. Oh, and we’ve found missing bobby pins in the moments where we’ve stopped to cook ourselves a nice breakfast. Yes, bobby pins are everywhere!
So, tell us, have you trusted your vibes lately? If not, when will you begin?
Aisha Upton is a second-year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests include Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance. Be sure to read Aisha + Simone’s unique take on Life + Style and the importance of letting who you are shine through when defining your personal style.
Simone Savannahis an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably. Simone is teaming with Aisha (read about her below) to bring you a unique take on Life + Style.
Women supporting other women, it’s alright. –Ledisi
Yes, it’s as simple as this quote. (We absolutely love it, by the way!) Women need to support one another in our commitment to being better – personally, spiritually, professionally, and emotionally, as there is strength and empowered action in numbers!
Create a positive sister circle, or as one of our contributing writers calls it, “My Goddess Squad,” who believe in what you want for your life, and also believe that there’s enough to go around. We’ve heard it before, “What’s meant for you will be for you.” In other words, if it’s yours, no one can take it away. The universe will open to give it to you in one way or another at the perfect time. And if your Goddess Squad believes this, too, there’s no room for envy, jealousy, and coveting what the next person has. So, do away with that deficit thinking by choosing more positively affirming thoughts and actions, and make one of those actions selecting a circle of women that supports your deepest dreams, goals, and desires.
In essence, keep doing the work (and only you know what that entails). Be patient. Celebrate the process. Remain open. Network with like-minded women. And lastly, support one another on your awesome paths to appointed greatness! You never know; a sister in your divine network may have (or knows someone who has) the perfect opportunity you’ve been patiently waiting to seize. “Women supporting other women, it’s alright.” In fact, it’s more than alright. It’s beautiful.
Why are you concerned about what other people think? What do YOU think? This is what’s important, especially when it comes to your own dreams, goals, or desires; it’s you who has to believe in them more than anyone else. You have to support them before anyone else will. Invest the time and energy (often spent worrying about what others will think or how they will react to what you want) on constructing a plan of action for that project you’ve been putting off; that book you want to write; that business you want to build; that promotion you want to ask for; that big trip you want to take. The support you’re seeking starts with you; the rest is a direct reflection of where you’re choosing to focus. Have your own back! And then, watch what happens; you will be aligned with like-minded people, directed to positive opportunities, and placed in empowering situations that support the awesome vision you have for your life.
It’s Women’s History Month and we want to shout out some of the women in our lives who have inspired us. While it is important to highlight women from history, it is often our own life histories that have the largest impact on our day-to-day lives. The women we’re featuring below are exemplars of style and beacons of light on very personal, everyday levels.
Aisha’s Mother – “My Mommy is the Best Mother of All Time”
The first person I want to recognize is my mommy. I know that everyone claims this, but my mommy is the best mother of all time. She has always been an inspiration to me and continues to inspire me every single day.
One of the main ways she has been an inspiration is by providing a blueprint for perseverance. When my father became a drug addict, my mother found herself raising three children on her own. In true mommy style, she not only raised us but also did a great job at it. Growing up she found a way to work two jobs and still be an extremely active parent. And she is still the number one supporter of my siblings and me; honestly, she is one of my best friends.
After I left for college and my sister left for the Navy, my mother decided to go back to school. Working two jobs, still, she started putting herself through school and moving toward a nursing degree. She has shown me that perseverance is key. Oftentimes when I feel down, she reminds me that bad times do not last forever – and she is right.
My mother’s style of doing things, of making a way out of seemingly no way, and of pushing that rock to get everyone out of a hard place is simply amazing. So often my mother stops to tell me how proud she is of me – but honestly, I owe everything I am, both literally and figuratively, to her. She brought me into this world and it is her determination and perseverance that have gotten me this far.
Aisha’s Sister – “Having a Little Sister to Play with was Pretty Awesome, Too!”
Most of my time during childhood was spent with my brother and sister. Because of this we are all very close. My sister, Jazmin, was born two years after me. Although I was initially my older brother’s partner in crime, having a little sister to play with was pretty awesome, too. Like all sisters who grow up sharing everything (toys, clothes, and a room) we also shared a pretty healthy mix of arguing and getting along. As we’ve grown older we have grown closer.
Jazmin joined the Navy on her 17th birthday. Because of this she ends up spending most of her time thousands of miles away from our family. This can feel rough at times because we miss her a lot, but when we talk on the phone or when she is stateside (and I get to visit her) we always have an amazing time. Sometimes it feels like Jazmin is my little-big sister because she seems to have her life so much more together than I do. She pushes me and our mother to take care of ourselves (even from oversees right now, Jazmin checks on me to make sure I am eating healthy – that is LOVE).
My sister is an inspiration to me because she exemplifies determination. She knew very early on what she wanted and she went for it. She wanted to join the Navy – and so she did. She wanted to make her life and our lives better – and so she has. Jazmin was determined to make an amazing life for herself and she has. One of the greatest pleasures of my life, thus far, has been being able to watch Jazmin grow up into the beautiful and smart woman that she is.
Simone’s Mother – “I Did Not Recognize My Mother’s Light Until She Passed Away”
First, I want to honor my mother who is my angel. Truthfully, I did not recognize my mother’s light until after she passed away in 2003. So much of it was blocked by her struggle against her insecurities. My mother’s solution, to undergo gastric-bypass surgery, eventually cost her her life; she died as a result of post-operative complications. Initially, after she passed, I did not see my mother as a strong woman because I thought she was always preoccupied with how others perceived her. She chose to have the operation because being called fat made her upset and also made her feel ugly. Sometimes she defended herself against the marks, and there were also moments where I could not tell that people’s remarks affected her. Reflecting on those moments, I realize that my mother did, in fact, love herself. No matter the pain (physical and mental) she was going through, she still laughed and smiled—oh, and took hundreds of pictures of herself (ha—if she had Facebook, we’d be competing with selfies!). I can still see her throwing her head back in laughter the day she had her left breast amputated.
I am honoring my mother for her simplicity. She was in and out of the hospital and had to take care of several children after being laid off. The struggle with her insecurities complicated her life in some ways; however, she never lost sight of peace and happiness. During her panic attacks, she just wanted me to lie with her. And during her stays in the hospital, she just wanted my grandmother to comb her hair. She was aware of the love in and around her, and though “too late,” I think she realized that she did not have to risk her life to be accepted/loved by the people who would never love her anyway. My mother taught me that pain is complicated and will attempt to eat away your happiness. Her journey continues to inspire me to live my life simply, especially in a way that keeps her light shining.
Simone’s Sister – “Brittani is One of My Best Friends”
Ah, my little button-nose lover! (She is probably cracking up reading this right now.) My younger sister, Brittani is one of my best friends, and I am honoring her for her love and positivity. I can always count on her to make me laugh, or laugh at my crazy jokes! And just like my mother, she always throws her head back in laughter.
And speaking of mothers—Brittani is the mother of two beautiful children, Breaker (Baby Breaker) and Brielle (Chunka Munka!). When she became a mother, she was as nervous as any first-time mom would be. She was also very happy and in love with her new role, though some people judged her for becoming a mother at the age of 16. When she had Chunka Munka at 21, people continued to judge her; however, Brittani loves her life and sees her children as on time and a part of the Creator’s plan for her. Sometimes she does call me because she is upset at people and their hurtful remarks. However, before I can tell her that I am on my way with Vaseline, she bounces back. She moves from being upset to “Well, anyway. Grey’s is coming on tonight!” And what’s most beautiful, I think, is her unwavering love. She continues to love and do good things for others despite the pain some have attempted to cause her.
Brittani does not always think she is this positive and loving person, but I want her to know that when she texts me things like, “Good morning, my sista!” or posts Facebook statuses about how much she loves her family, I melt on the inside. She is such a beacon of love and light. I want her to know how resilient she is, and how her resilience inspires me to bounce back and keep moving. And I know watching Netflix through a wine hangover is not the same struggle as changing diapers on 3 hours of sleep, but all that strength and happiness in her, encourages me to live in love and positivity. Mother Earth loves you, Sissy Button Love.
So, who are you honoring for Women’s History Month? How has she inspired you? What does her life mean to you? What does her style of doing things teach you?
Below we’ve compiled 10 simple ways to honor and celebrate the women in your own life:
Have tea/coffee or a meal together (or cook a meal for her) – A home-cooked meal or hot beverage always warms the soul; it’s also a very inexpensive way to show someone how much you appreciate them.
Plan a craft or cooking day – If she’s artsy/crafty, this will be right up her alley; not only will she love spending time working with her hands, she’ll enjoy doing it with you.
Write her a letter or a poem – This is almost a lost art, especially in the days of social media. A letter or poem will provide an opportunity for you to carve out down-time to write and to be thoughtful with your words while writing. She’ll definitely know that it’s from your heart.
Go on a hike or walk in the park – It’s great exercise and nature has a way of opening the imagination, making it a perfect time to share what’s on your mind.
Make sugar scrub or a piece of jewelry for her – Self-care should always be at the top of the list, so selecting her favorite scents for a sugar scrub or the perfect stones for a necklace will make the gift even more special to her.
Tell her that you love her everyday – Time is precious; let people know how you really feel about them.
Work out/do yoga together – Having an accountability workout partner can provide that boost of energy to keep going! Why not make that partner someone you consider a phenomenal woman?
Do a wine and movie night – It’s another great way to relax; in fact, let her choose the wine and her favorite movie.
Send her an inspirational book – We all need inspiration to maintain resilience – even the women we’re inspired by, so send her a book that has empowered you.
Make her laugh often – It’s definitely the best medicine, and nothing is more special (and hilarious) than hearing someone you love laugh!
Let us know how you honor the women in your life. Share your own life stories in the comments section—we want to continue to honor Women’s History Month with the stories we don’t read about everyday.
Simone Savannahis an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably. Simone is teaming with Aisha (read about her below) to bring you a unique take on Life + Style.
Aisha Upton is a second-year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests include Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance. Be sure to read Aisha + Simone’s unique take on Life + Style and the importance of letting who you are shine through when defining your personal style.
“SHE is NOT a feminist!” I adamantly expressed to my male mentor/adviser (whom I’ll call “David”) during a heated exchange as a high school senior. He was just as livid and turned up in opposing my viewpoint (with a very condescending smirk on his face) stating, “YES SHE IS!” We were referring to the beloved bell hooks. I was so sure in my conviction that she was not the man hating, ball busting, dyke (please excuse my terminology as this leads up to an excellent point of correction) that I assumed in my very, very, very young and immature mind that ALL feminists were. The little bit that I knew about bell hooks was that her writings heavily criticized the lack of historical literary recognition of black women’s presence within the U.S. women’s liberation and feminist movements. Her writings also sought to empower black women to find our voices and speak our truth in eradicating any and all forms of oppression against us. So, after the debate was over with David, my female mentor/adviser calmly pulled me aside and said very sternly, yet in a loving voice, “Sistah, I admire you for speaking out so passionately about something that appears to be so dear to your heart, BUT bell hooks is a feminist.”
Growing Pains
I was CRUSHED. CONFUSED. BEWILDERED! I felt so dumb for arguing a point with very little merit or specific facts to support my claims. She, Regina Laurie, my high school mentor/adviser (and now best friend of 15 years) explained to me why bell hooks was a feminist and how my perceptions of feminists were extremely flawed. She also kindly referred me to a bibliography of bell hooks’ writings that provided more insight, as I OBVIOUSLY needed to get my facts straight.
I was still vehemently angry though. I was angry because David knew that I did not know what I was talking about and he continued to argue with me. I was angry because the tone, the words, and the body language (in my opinion) that he used during the dispute further validated my foolish beliefs about how feminists, and in particular, bell hooks preached jargon that was strongly anti-strong black man, anti-heterosexual relationships, anti-nuclear black family, and any other “anti” that somehow emasculated black men. This is precisely why he was so obstinate in expressing his viewpoint. I was angry because of my realization that both our assumptions were completely inaccurate, yet he deliberated as if he was speaking THE absolute truth; thus, we both were guilty of the same crime. As my participation in the youth group progressed I recognized that I was the only one between the two of us committed to challenging my erroneous perceptions. David was completely comfortable in his male privilege. Through my awakening I gleaned he was slowly but surely interjecting his views into the fabric of the youth group comprised of precocious high school students trying to “figure it out.” Somehow the youth group committed to organizing the community, undoing racism, empowering and educating youth, and celebrating the arts as a form of social justice, experienced some major internal conflicts leading to tension and the loss of some members. We were, however, able to regain our focus and intention, and also reclaim our mission before the sponsoring organizations were no longer able to support us.
Awakening
This series of events over a period of six to seven months set the stage for me to completely fall in love with bell hooks’ writings. Through her work I was able realize my life’s purpose. These experiences were also the catalyst to transitioning my relationship with Regina from mentor/mentee to best friends, as I legally had become an adult and was entering my freshmen year in college. She continued to informally mentor me, helping to shift my juvenile thought processes and foster an enlightened young woman seeking the answers to some very real questions about life, self-identity, the “isms,” my ancestral history, and essentially what it means to be me. So between the gifts of knowledge, enlightenment, and unconditional love bestowed on me by these two powerful black women, I felt I was ready to take on the WORLD!
Sisters of the Yam, Ain’t I A Woman, Talking Back, Killing Rage, Salvation, and Communion were on heavy reading rotation during my first couple of years in college. I became heavily immersed in the books, articles, lectures, recordings, interviews and anything I could find written or spoken by bell hooks. She was my introduction to truly re-examining and re-defining the ideas of being a feminist, feminism, sexism, racism, hetero-sexism, homophobia, and classism. She helped me understand the intersections of race, class, and gender, and how these variables impact black women. I gained a sentience of my place in this world as a black woman and what that generally means pertaining to my interactions with everyone else and their perceptions – and possibly preconceived notions – about me. Through this same lens, I was able to critically analyze my relationships with black men ranging from my father to the males I dated. More importantly, bell hooks challenged me to look deeply within my conditioned self and how I had learned to perpetuate the stereotypes popularized within mainstream U.S. culture in what she would call, “white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.” Ultimately, her extensive work helped liberate my mind and soul and that allowed me to begin accepting all of humanity as a reflection of me. And only through committing to my life’s work based in feminism am I able to BE the change I want to see in the world.
I AM A Feminist
I have since been deeply inspired to define and write my own story through my work with precollege and college students, my close relationships, my home life, as well as social activities about how feminism, womanhood, and motherhood looks in my life. I’m also exceedingly encouraged by women’s stories from around the globe that define, walk in, and own the power of self-defined feminism.
In honor of Women’s History Month; March 2014, I salute the phenomenal, brutally honest, lovingly critical; author, feminist, and social activist, bell hooks.
Thank you immensely for planting seeds of self empowerment and truthful self identity as they continue to blossom, destined for greatness.
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About the Contributing Writer:
W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.
Our Phoenix Book of the Week Pick comes from Corrine:
Happy Wives Club by Fawn Weaver
I’ve been reading Happy Wives Club by Fawn Weaver. The book outlines Fawn’s journey around the world as she uncovers the secrets to a long lasting happy marriage.
I found out about the book being a member of the Happy Wives Club group on Facebook. Daily messages are sent to members with fun and loving statements encouraging members to boast about their love of marriage and their husbands.
I’m reading the book because I have been married almost two years and I’ve always enjoyed polling family and friends who have been married 10+ years about what is the success to their marriages. I asked my grandparents, and they said pray; another person said communication; yet another said have thick skin.
As a wife and new mother, taking care of my family and being a good example is important to me. Folks are quick to recite statistics that downplay marriage – citing 50% of marriages end in divorce and others. But rarely do you find a whole movement that supports happy marriage. I’m about half way through the book and I am learning a lot. I highly recommend it.
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About The Phoenix Book of the Week:
The Phoenix Book of the Week features recommendations from The Phoenix Rising Collective, as well as the empowered women who support us. We’ll be sharing our thoughts on books that have been powerful resources for sustaining healthy self-esteem, creating emotional and spiritual wellness, and committing to intentional living. We’ll also share our personal stories about how and why the books have inspired personal growth and sparked “light bulb moments” that changed our lives in some way. The book picks may cover a wide range of topics from diverse genres.
Interested in sharing a book with us? Please click here to send your request for more details on submitting a book entry.
Each year I welcome the national recognition of Black Her/History month with such reverence, admiration, and reflection. While I strive to honor the significant contributions my ancestors have made EVERY month, this year is quite different. Why? Well, for one, my role as contributing writer for The Phoenix Rising Collective has provided a platform to discuss all things pertaining to motherhood and its intersections with race, class, gender, love, health, wealth, and education, to name a few. But secondly, The PRC also allows me to inform readers by spotlighting how the extraordinary contributions of our foremothers have tremendously influenced our modern world, as well as the Divine Goddess DNA that flows through our bodies as women of color.
So, in celebration of Black Her-story Month 2014, and rolling with the theme of honoring our foremothers every month, this Motherhood Empowerment article will be about, none other than, MY MOTHER!
Marilyn Clarke cutting a client’s hair. Photo Credit: Flint Journal Archives
According to a February 12, 1972 Flint Journal (Flint, MI) newspaper article, Marilyn Clarke was the first black woman to graduate at 19 years old from the predominantly (99%) white Flint Institute of Barbering Inc. since the 1920s. And, she was distinctively known as the shortest female barber in Flint, Michigan during that time, measuring 4’11. She had to stand on top of a box to reach the top of many of her clients’ heads. My mom began cutting hair as a teenager for my uncle and grandfather, as well as young men from the neighborhood where she grew up – located on the Southside of Flint. She immensely enjoyed cutting hair during this epic era of Afros, blowouts, tapers, pompadours and Caesars (better known as the quovadis back then). However the quick and precise cut of the Afro was my Mom’s claim to fame! She was able to shape the finest, roundest, symmetrical Afro in the city. Hilbert Hambrick the owner of Personality Hair-styling, who was her boss, had only one major complaint: she only spent 15 minutes on an Afro versus the suggested 25-30 minutes. She responded, “Time is money!” Charging $4.50 for an adult haircut and half that price for a child’s haircut, my mom was determined to keep her services quality yet fast paced. The result? A thriving clientele of black, white, young, and old customers!
Being able to work creatively with one’s hands, in whatever capacity, is an exceptional gift. This is a gift my mother has passed down to all of her children and many of her grandchildren. We have all been blessed with the ability to create just about every hairstyle for just about every texture of hair. While none of us at this point in our lives have decided to pursue careers within the hair and beauty industries, we’ve definitely acquired the necessary skills to do so thanks to a little old woman named Marilyn Clarke who broke ground in a male dominated field during the 1970s.
Baby Marilyn Clarke
So, as a follow up to one of my recommended tips from the November 2013 Motherhood Empowerment article, extend gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude to your mothers, grandmothers, great- grandmothers, great-great grandmothers, and so on and so on. Simply reflecting on their greatness, strength, wisdom, and accomplishments can help ease what appears to be your most challenging moments, heal what feels like your deepest wounds, and shine light on your darkest hours.
This month (and every month), Mom, I honor and salute you! Thank you for lasting legacy in our hometown and within our family.
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About the Contributing Writer:
W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.
Our Phoenix Book of the Week Pick comes from Danielle.
Warning Signs: What every woman should know – a dating guide
One of my favorite books is Warning Signs: What every woman should know — a dating guide, by Danielle E. Ward. This book just happens to be one I wrote, but my reasons for selecting it extend beyond the surface.
Warning Signs is the kind of book that reads like you’re sitting with your best girlfriend having a heart-to-heart. Just like your sister-friend, this book holds you accountable for your actions and makes you really think about the choices you make when dating. At the same time, it gives you that extra boost of confidence to do what’s necessary to get what you need and desire out of your relationships.
Having the book broken down based on traffic lights helps you see exactly where your relationship is and better determine its direction.
Warning Signs made me squirm sometimes, because I had to acknowledge my own behaviors and patterns in dating. I remember asking a guy I knew to read it, and he got to one part and said, “You don’t do that.” Ouch. It was time to make some changes.
From an author standpoint, writing Warning Signs was like being in an airplane that’s losing air pressure: I needed to put on my own oxygen mask and save myself before I could help anyone else survive. I couldn’t share tips with women that I wasn’t following myself.
This book helped me get off the fence in several areas of my life and be clear and unwavering about what I wanted out of my dating relationships. It also helped me clear away dead friendships and relationships and be open to meeting new people who truly valued me. Most importantly, Warning Signs reminded me that I am a work in progress and that’s okay.
Like the book states, “Marriage is for mature, responsible people.” We need to “heal and deal” — heal from past hurts and deal with the baggage we brought from previous relationships in order to be ready to move forward.
My hope is that women who read Warning Signs will take the time to do an honest assessment of where they are in their relationships and why. Using that information, I envision lives transformed as women leave unhealthy relationships behind and fill up their own love tank. This will help position them for a relationship that complements them and allows them to be content enjoying their own company in the meantime.
Warning Signs is available for purchase in all formats. Ten percent of the annual proceeds support survivors of domestic violence.
For more information about the book and the author, visit Warning Signs. You may also follow her on Facebook.
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About The Phoenix Book of the Week:
The Phoenix Book of the Week features book recommendations from The Phoenix Rising Collective, as well as the empowered women who support us. We’ll be sharing our thoughts on books that have been powerful resources for sustaining healthy self-esteem, creating emotional and spiritual wellness, and committing to intentional living. We’ll also share our personal stories about how and why the books have inspired personal growth and sparked “light bulb moments” that changed our lives in some way. The book picks may cover a wide range of topics from diverse genres.
Interested in sharing a book with us? Please click here to send your request for more details on submitting a book entry.
I have incessantly pondered how to begin this first 2014 article. What do I want to share with the readers this year on the subject of Art and Creativity? And how can I link this subject to The PRC’s theme “Balance”?
Let’s begin with a definition of balance. According to Dictionary.com, balance means “a state of equilibrium; mental steadiness or emotional stability.” According to Traci Currie, balance also means recognizing the yin and yang in one’s life in order to help understand and explore the beautiful complexities that make life worth living. I don’t blame any reader for asking, “What in the world are you talking about? Yin and Yang. Really, TC?” And my response is YES! I am talking about the opposing forces that need each other to help create balance. For example, I am both comfortable and uncomfortable in the mental and physical space I presently inhabit. The opposition lies in living out my discomfort but also creating ease in my day-to-day routine.
You might wonder why life is uncomfortable for me these days. Well, I am on an unpaid leave-of-absence from work. I do not have insurance. I do not have my own home (as I once did). I no longer have a vehicle I can jump into and drive anywhere and everywhere; I am more dependent on people than I have ever been in my life. And believe you-me, I am a very independent person. Now, let’s look at the other side – what makes life comfortable? I have a warm place to lay my head every night. I am fed every single day. If there is an emergency I have loved ones who will help me. Most of all, I am faith driven. In other words, although I may not have the answers to my questions and concerns right now, I know or believe that the questions/concerns I have will be answered in due time.
Art and Creativity’s Connection to Life Outside the Comfort Zone
Now what does being uncomfortable have to do with being creative and artistic? Everything. At the end of 2013 I asked Discomfort to be my friend instead of my enemy or my phobia-driven antagonist. Discomfort replied, “Sure thing, TC. But I require something of you.” My response, “What do you want from me?” Discomfort’s response, “Trust. Walk with me all the way to the end of this journey and do not give up – no matter how uncomfortable it gets. Just find a way to keep going.” Finding a way to move through situations means I have to be creative and quite the artist. And guess what? I’m up for the challenge! After all, Discomfort and I are friends, and the great thing about an honest friendship is that you have the opportunity to learn each other and grow together.
So, this year I have sought out other artists who have impacted my life. Some of them are friends; some of them are people I have never met but read about or listened to; some of them have passed on and some have yet to be found. Although they come in different shades, ages and gender, I am focusing on women of color for my articles. In addition, I have also decided to rethink what art is and what it looks like to both the world (that’s a pretty big audience) and to me. In essence, I hope to broaden the understanding (mine and yours) of Art and Creativity.
Throughout the year I will talk to various women artists about balance and what that means to them. But most importantly I will link their responses to my life so that there is a connection as to why I have chosen them for each article. I will not focus every month on a specific artist but I will always focus on the theme, balance, which is why I am calling this, “A Year of Symmetry: Creatively Finding Balance from the Artisan.” I specifically use the word artisan because it often defines a craftsperson or someone skilled in the applied arts. Not everyone is deemed an artisan. I have learned that artisans study their craft and most often become the craft itself – which leads me to my first artist or more appropriately named, Artisan.
The Unconventional Artisan: Carol
For February I have chosen to be a bit unconventional by featuring my mother. What’s unconventional about that? Well, she does not like being in the public eye. Putting her in the spotlight is uncomfortable. Moreover, people might argue my calling her an artisan, but hear me out, and consider her story:
Carol is a teacher. OK, actually she is a retired computer programmer, and she presently substitutes three days per week at a bilingual elementary school. Most of the students know her quite well and she is well-loved by some of the teachers and students. I am not just saying this because she told me or because she is my mother. I actually witnessed it. I visited the school and watched her in class this past January. I also watched her interaction with various teachers and administrators who made it their business to tell me how much they love her. She is an artist. She has a way with children that many of us WISH we had.
My mother has a rhythm in her Caribbean voice that is assertive, vibrant, and peaceful. For example, a fifth grade boy was getting smart with her. I held my breath for a moment wondering how this was going to play out. She said something to him calmly and walked away. He seemed to annoyingly fiddle around on the computer. He even looked at me once as if he wanted to take me down. She went back to his computer and talked to him again. Before I could blink he agreed with whatever she said and willingly completed his work. Now, I know this is a general example because the question one might have is “What did they say to each other?” For me, it was less about what was said and more about what she showed him – a teacher’s heart, wisdom, and skills. How is this art? Well, I have learned over the years that a good teacher isn’t just someone who gives you information and walks away. A good teacher, in many cases, is a performer. We perform for our students and find ways to make the material interesting, understandable, sometimes creative, and relevant to their lives. And as a performer we find ways to improve our performance for our audience. My best teacher was a statistics professor. STATISTICS?! (For those of you who loathe anything numerical). He made stats look like poetry because he LOVED the subject so much that you had no other choice but to enjoy it as much as he did. He cracked jokes, offered personal anecdotes, even acted out a few scenarios with numbers. And to think, I was told that this professor disliked women and Black people, which meant I was out for the count! But aha, I came out of that class with an A (or A-) because he taught me poetry with numbers. What am I saying about my mother and/or teachers? My mother does more than substitute-teach. She teaches these students with hugs, with words of encouragement, with the obvious technical instruction, and most of all, with love.
All the artisans I know, no matter what they profess as their occupation, are called by this rightful name because they know how to find the artistry in what they do. And even when the work becomes frustrating and uncomfortable they somehow embrace the challenge as a part of the road map they have been given to find their way to their appointed destination. Again, it’s a part of life. It’s what makes life worth living.
What have I learned from her? The question that I really should ask is “What haven’t I learned from her?” I now know that I teach because it is an art form that I can wheel and deal and reshape every time I step into the classroom. But then again, everywhere I go seems to afford me the opportunity to be a teacher and a student, which means ART is always at my feet. So, here’s to an artisan that knows her craft as well as she knows herself. And make no mistake, Carol knows herself well. If you need proof, simply look at what she has produced – ME!
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About the Contributing Writer:
Traci Currie is the Art + Creativity contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. Read her latest posts here.
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W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.![Corrine_Book_of_the_Week[phoenixrisingcollective]1](https://phoenixrisingcollective.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/corrine_book_of_the_weekphoenixrisingcollective1.png?w=715&h=442)
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W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.![warning_signs_book_of_the_week[phoenixrisingcollective]](https://phoenixrisingcollective.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/warning_signs_book_of_the_weekphoenixrisingcollective.png?w=660&h=403)
Like the book states, “Marriage is for mature, responsible people.” We need to “heal and deal” — heal from past hurts and deal with the baggage we brought from previous relationships in order to be ready to move forward.
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For February I have chosen to be a bit unconventional by featuring my mother. What’s unconventional about that? Well, she does not like being in the public eye. Putting her in the spotlight is uncomfortable. Moreover, people might argue my calling her an artisan, but hear me out, and consider her story:
The Phoenix Rising Collective 