Sometimes (well, most of the time) all you need is a deep breath to bring clarity to a situation and/or to lighten the load. Whether it’s a big decision you have to make or a matter of seeing things from a different perspective, don’t hold your breath in the process of figuring it out. Breathe.
Release anxiety and worry by slowly and consciously inhaling and exhaling your way through it. Surrender. And with each exhale visualize what letting go looks like for you.
Lastly, repeat an affirmation that supports this intentional breathing practice; here are a few of my favorite:
I am easily and divinely guided to solve my challenges. All is well.
I let go and the universe lovingly takes care of me.
I am light and love; it exudes from me and is part of all that I do.
I commit to peace within myself and to peace with others.
Take a breath! Be self-love in action. Happy Sunday, Phoenix! Create a positive week.
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Ayanna Jordan is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of The Phoenix Rising Collective. She has always had a passion for inspiring others, particularly women, and especially through writing, coaching, and teaching. She is happy The PRC provides an opportunity for her to write about one of her favorite topics: self-care, as she believes that true wellness begins within – healing old wounds, forgiving others (and yourself), letting go of the past, eating healthy foods, making room for change, sustaining a positive attitude, and taking time for spiritual practice, are all a part of the journey to authenticity. Right now, she is most inspired by Love Yourself First! Friday. Learn more about it HERE.
The Phoenix Rising Collective’s Artist Feature, curated by Traci Currie, highlights and focuses on women artists using their talents and creativity to fully express self-love, build self-esteem, and nurture their own authenticity while inspiring others. Creative expressions may range from performing to painting to writing to travel and everything in between. Our goal is to share how these empowered women cultivate agency, healing, and happiness through fulfilling their passion. This Artist Feature is Martina Hahn.
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I had the great pleasure of sharing the stage with a phenomenal speed painter named Martina Hahn. I use the word “phenomenal” with great purpose, because she reminds me of Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman.
(l to r) Martina Hahn, Painter, and Traci Currie, Poet at the 14th Annual Black History Month Brunch – Photo Credit: April R. Nunley
I was invited to share poems written by Maya Angelou at the 14th Annual Black History Month Brunch this February at Genesee District Library. While I recited the poems, Martina was next to me painting Angelou’s portrait. By the time I finished my 7-minute recitation Martina was done. I had heard of speed painting but I had never experienced it – definitely not in this manner. Although I was focused on myself on stage, I felt Martina’s presence next to me. I heard the movement of her hands over the canvas, splashing colors in purposeful directions to shape Angelou’s image. At some point, I wanted to STOP and focus on her the way the crowd was focusing on her. I had this odd feeling that the audience was bouncing back and forth between two artists, more so with an emphasis on her work because they were trying to figure out what she was creating. By the time I had started the last poem Still I Risethe audience and I began calling-and-responding the infamous refrain “I Rise,” at which it was becoming abundantly clear who Martina was painting. What a feeling! But this feeling is exhilarating for more reasons than you can imagine. Martina called it the “law of attraction” that brought us together.
Let me share a few things about this German born artist who first pursued a college degree in psychology. She shared the concerns her parents had about her pursuing visual arts as a college major. I suspect others can relate to this experience. I think some of us can guess what that infamous question is when expressing interest in being a professional artist: “How will you make a living?” Well, in Martina’s case she admitted to the struggles she had gone through to reach her dream. She said it wasn’t until the late 1990s (about 17 years ago) when she was given an opportunity to paint a mural, which took her nine months to complete.
At some point in our conversation Martina revealed she had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2008. I told her she didn’t have to share details if she didn’t wish to, and she explained a concept her family came up with: The Voldemort Syndrome. Do you remember Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter? He’s the evil guy whose name you are not supposed to say. If you’ve never seen the films or read any of the books, this may appear foreign, but think about it like this: Never speak of anything bad or else it might manifest in some way. However, Martina explained how important it is to name the things we consider terrible. She said, “If we don’t say them they will stay with us [like a dirty secret]. I talk about the bad things because when you name them they lose their fear-factor and power.”
And so she talked about the cancer. She also talked about the domestically abusive relationship she was in and how unhealthy her mind and spirit were during this time. She started seeing a therapist who was helping her. Then two years later she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was fortunate to learn about this in its early stages. As a result, she was able to undergo treatment that removed the cancer. A year after the diagnosis she found speed painting. Although she had seen speed painting before, she did not pursue this form of art until her son wanted her to paint the character Jack Sparrow from the film Pirates of the Caribbean. She was unable to paint the character because, she explained, she was over-thinking the process. Martina became so frustrated one day that she ended up slapping the paint onto an 8×4 piece of plywood. She found herself furiously creating Jack Sparrow in roughly nine minutes. When a friend saw this wonderment, she was asked to do it again for a fundraising event. And this time the adrenaline rush took over and she created the image in six minutes. She learned to stop over-thinking the process and allow it to flow. She has a magnet on her refrigerator that says, “Don’t take things too seriously.” Over the years this phrase has become a mantra in her life.
She says that she found her peace and joy through art. “People need to find that one thing in life that gives them joy…that calms them.”
May 2015 it will be seven years from the time she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. In those seven years she has focused on healing her mind and spirit. “I believe in the trilogy of the mind, body and spirit. Over the years I have come to believe that in this western world, we focus on the body – whether it be short or tall, big or small, black or white. But there’s so much more to us. There is a soul, a mind and a spirit. We don’t give the full attention to our true bodies. I feel that these diseases like cancer are caused by our unhealthy minds and spirits.” She reinforced what I mentioned above: two years after the escape of her own abusive relationship is when she was diagnosed. Although she was unhealthy she explained how fortunate she was. Her body warned her, so to speak. She had a 6.5-inch malignant cyst removed. “The way I choose to look at it,” she said, “is that the cyst encapsulated the cancer. The cancer was actually contained so that it wasn’t spreading in the rest of my body.”
In the aftermath of her explaining her journey to me, I thought of the number seven. When I completed the seven-minute performance with Angelou’s Still I Rise it dawned on me, this poem is a part of Martina’s living truth. Upon completion I looked out into the crowd of faces, and they were in awe of the painting. I was stunned and humbled because I honestly thought her painting spoke for itself and that it was unnecessary for me to be on stage. After all, my job was done. But Martina called me over when she completed the painting with her signature. She assertively grabbed my hand and we both took a bow. Afterwards she later explained that it was important that “we” performed this together. She explained that accolades are fine, but more significant is what we displayed on stage – a communal process. Our job was to come together as one and share our gifts so that others might go home and be inspired. Also, for those not familiar with Angelou’s work, they will hopefully research her legacy and the path she has created so that we could be on stage at that very moment honoring not only the phenomenal woman she is (even in spirit), but also the phenomenal women we are, simply because we rise to the occasion every time we take a breath.
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About the Contributing Writer:
Traci Currie is the Art + Creativity Contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes The PRC will help women reach their highest potential. “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.” Read her latest posts.
IT’S A NEW YEAR, and here’s to a new you! Let me introduce myself: My name is Megan Weidner; I am 34 years old, a mother of three kids, a wife, an tree-hugger environmentalist by day and a fitness junkie coach by night. I own and operate Rock. It. Fitness – an energetic, effective, and FUN in-home, online and group fitness bootcamp.
Megan, Health + Wellness Contributor: “In all seriousness, moving is essential and every movement counts.”
Fitness is much more than dieting and taking a few classes at the gym – it is a lifestyle, and as the health and wellness contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective, I hope to inspire you to live a healthy, happy, and prosperous life through activity and healthy eating. My disclaimer: All of my exercises are suggestions. I am not a nutritionist but through my own experiences, life choices, fitness training and reading, I believe I have the knowledge, and definitely the passion, to help you create a new you in 2015. So here we go… ACTIVITY TIP: “I like to move it, move it…I like to move it, move it…I like to…MOVE” (If you’re a mom, dad, aunt, grandmother, sister, cousin, or teacher you know EXACTLY what movie this is from and you just danced in your chair). In all seriousness, moving is essential and every movement counts: Walking out to the mailbox, walking to the copier at work, playing with children, dancing, and of course, biking, running and lifting. In my classes, I use a method called TABATA; it is awesome, and with an awesome workout you get awesome results. Tabata pushes your body into the anaerobic zone; the zone where the body is forming lactate and promoting strength, speed, power, and muscle-building – basically where all of the good stuff is happening. Tabata is a form of “high intensity interval training”, but please don’t be intimidated by all of those words; you can turn anything into a “tabata”. A tabata exercise means that you are taking your current level up a notch or two for twenty seconds, back down to normal for ten seconds, then back up for twenty seconds and repeating eight times for a total of four minutes. Try adding this to your walk around the block or on the treadmill: After warming up, increase your speed or jog for twenty seconds, then slow down or walk for ten seconds, and repeat eight times. The up-down, up-down is the basis of interval training and is going to push your body into the anaerobic zone. It will also give you noticeable results when you use it weekly. Your energy levels will increase and your endurance will improve. You’ll start to tone, lose pounds, and gain muscle. And, oh my goodness, I almost forgot to tell you one of the best things about tabata: EPOC or Excess Post-Exercise Oxygen Consumption. This is the period after your tabata workout, up to four hours, marked by an increased rate of oxygen intake when your body is returning to its resting state; however, while it’s returning to that resting state, it is continuing to burn calories and tone! There is SO much to share, but I think starting with a little exercise tip is a good way to begin my journey with you and 2015. Please share your fitness questions in the comments section; I look forward to connecting with you. Learn more about Rock. It. Fitness. Be well.
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About the Contributing Writer:
Megan Weidner is the Health + Wellness contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective; she is a fitness coach and environmentalist in the Akron/Canton, Ohio area. She manages a global sustainability and corporate responsibility program for a large multinational company; her areas include environmental compliance, social equity, community engagement and health and wellness. Megan is also devoted to Rock. It. Fitness., her fitness and natural skincare business. She is committed to making the world a better, more environmentally friendly and healthier place through motivation and education. She is certified through AFAA and Tabata Bootcamp. She has a B.S. in Soil, Environmental, and Atmospheric Science (University of Missouri), a Graduate Certificate in Environmental Management and Policy (University of Denver) and an M.P.A (University of Missouri). She lives in Green, Ohio with her husband and three kids.
I laugh out loud at even pondering this subject. BUT, If I dug deep enough and really tried to muster up a precise calculation of how many times I hear the word “Mom” in a given day, I’d argue that it’s minimally between 30-40 times – and this is during a school day. Please note: my children are at school for at least seven hours out of the day. On the weekends its usage must peak somewhere in the hundreds (sometimes it feels like thousands).
That said, there normally isn’t a monotone inflection in the young voices that have acutely etched the word “Mom” into their consciousness. The sound ranges from a high pitched yell, “MOOOOOMMMM!”, when I am being beckoned to solve a math problem, bandage a profusely bleeding bruise, extinguish a small kitchen fire, OR most importantly, when the iPad chargers can’t be found in the collective messes called bedrooms. Then, there’s the alto scale. This is typically used when pleas of hunger are being expressed (a half-hour after said culprits have eaten a four course meal with dessert), snuggling, kissing on the cheek, a wrestle-tickle-pin-down ensues, or some other form of physical affection is warranted, and lastly, when my 12 year-old is “putting me up on” the dopest Eminem lyrics from the song Rap God circa 2013 (he was 10 years old and completely absorbed in superheroes when the Marshall Mathers LP 2 was released).
There’s also my personal favorite! The deep Barry White meets Darth Vader baritone breadths of “MUUUUMMMM” that are echoed in great annoyance most Saturday mornings when I’m fussing about chores going undone, pulling the cantankerous five year-old away from Clifford the Big Red Dog re-runs to eat something more nourishing than Honey Nut Cheerios, or when I decide to jokingly reverse the parent-child dynamic. I become self-absorbed, nonchalant, and quasi-aloof during my interactions with the usual suspects for the sole purpose of giving them a taste of their own medicine. As you could imagine, this role reversal doesn’t last too long. My children become completely fed up and disinterested when my world doesn’t revolve around them.
Throughout the challenging moments, the days I wish I had more patience, the tears from extreme feelings of being overwhelmed, the WTF thoughts of “WHY GOD didn’t he turn in his homework?!”, and the somehow-reaching-profound epiphanies from dialogues in which the main subject is who said “booty, doo-doo, and you farted, EEWWW!” – I wouldn’t trade in the experience of mothering for anything in the world. Ausar; 12 years old and Mikah; five years old are exceptional human beings in every way imaginable. I give thanks that they chose me to act as one of many facilitators in the global village that nurtures, provides, and empowers them to live according to their hearts’ desires. These two guys are creativity, raw energy, and stand-up comedy; they are Neil DeGrasse Tyson meets Steve Jobs intelligent. They are personified beacons of hope in a chaotic world.
It is clear that their charge, along with many youth in this generation, is to re-create a new realm that wholeheartedly welcomes expansion of ideas, redefined identities, assorted spaces and places of existence, and mutually beneficial social exchanges unlike anything humankind has ever experienced. Many days Ausar comes home raving about the latest technological advance in gaming or smartphones in a language that I have minimal knowledge; thus, he has started learning computer coding with his first project being developing an app for Apple iProducts.
As for my little rambunctious one, Mikah, I’m completely amazed at the usage of his extensive vocabulary while explaining to the lady standing behind us in line at Barnes & Nobles the difference between toy trains made from wood and die-cast metal. As much as I attempt to teach them, it’s returned in abundance ten-fold.
Here are Five Inspirational Reminders from My Sons:
Express Daily Gratitude– Joyfully expressing gratitude for all things and all beings in God’s creation. Mikah loves to sit in the dirt and dig (and would until he reached China – if possible). Through this he finds great solace and demonstrates his appreciation for the beauty that is Mother Earth.
Unconditional Love– Loving someone when it’s most difficult to do so. You’d be surprised, but your kids love you in spite of your fussing, limiting their screen time, or burning the brownies for the school bake sale. Perfectly imperfect I am, and my boys love me still. They even tell me sometimes!
Forgiveness– Fully letting go of the past (even if it was yesterday) and accepting the present. Kids get over things quickly. They don’t hold grudges, and they accept you just as you are each day. Extend this same grace to someone you know.
Mindfully Living in the Moment– I observe my children when they are focused on something. Learning a new game, playing with friends, drawing, or riding a bike. They are completely absorbed in that one task with full enjoyment. The concept of multitasking has no meaning in their scopes of comprehension. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow isn’t promised, all we have is the NOW. Be present.
Playtime– Stop taking yourself so serious and have fun! Remember what life was like when you were seven, 12, or 16 years old? Stomping rain puddles in freshly ironed clothes, rapping freestyle lyrics to the Ne Ne song after a long day, or posing for a family collage of selfies are cool ventures that have landed me a membership into the “Cool Mom” club. It’s good to let your kids see that you know how to have a good time. Too, it balances out the other times when you have to lay the smack-down. “DO YOU HEAR, what the MOOOOMMMM IS COOKING?!”
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About the Contributing Writer:
W. KaNeesha Allen is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. While often seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. As the Motherhood Empowerment contributor, she welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within. Read her latest posts.
I am establishing a precedence of empowerment for girls-developing-into-their-womanhood – at least that’s what I am calling it: Girls-Developing-Into-Women. This precedence for the year will focus on women artists using their creativity to build self-esteem. Like many others, my own self-esteem has developed over the years through personal and public creative explorations that impassioned me (i.e. knitting, crocheting, performing, writing, traveling, teaching, hiking, cooking, and so much more).
I want to begin this year’s blog by looking at what the ALWAYS campaign #LikeAGirl is doing to empower and encourage girls to define their gender. Instead of writing about it, I believe the director, Lauren Greenfield explains it best in the following video. She talks about why this project is so important. One of my favorite lines in the video is,
“Confidence means being able to find your own power that gives you some stability and just allows you to follow your own path in the way where you can express yourself.”
This next video (below) moved me. When I was younger, my father started me out on used men’s golf clubs, and then a few years later bought me a set of women’s golf clubs. I took lessons and accompanied him on the golf course as a teenager. Although I tapered off and played golf less and less as I developed my own interests, this story of Zoe (14 years old) touches me, because she takes us (the viewers) on a journey through other people’s perceptions of her as a female golfer. However, I am reminded that she is not just a female golfer; she is simply a golfer. Moreover, she is a golfer that beat her peer (who happens to be male) at the game of golf. As a person who is quite familiar with the game, I can proudly say, “When you are good, you are good” no matter your gender. We cannot lessen ourselves to make others feel secure. I believe we are required to walk out our very best selves. THAT is building self-esteem.
In researching information that speaks to how young women perceive their abilities and physical appearance in the 21st century, I often consider a number of variables (i.e. the sample size, location, race, age, etc). However, I am realizing that statistics cannot always speak to one’s personal experience and what has led them to low self-esteem or why they view themselves in a certain manner.
It only takes one story to jolt an awakening. This is why I like the actual video for the campaign #LikeAGirl. Indeed I was annoyed watching it because I have witnessed what is shared, and although my own experiences as a teenager looked nothing like what I saw in the video, oh, how true these stories are! If they weren’t, we wouldn’t be having these discussions, performing poems about self-identity, or making documentaries to combat sexism, right?
Changes are being made everyday, and I believe the efforts occur because of people like Lauren Greenfield and the girls and young women in these videos. That is art unfolding and sending a message at its greatest esteem – one story at a time.
Throughout this year I hope to share women artists’ stories about how they use their crafts to build the female self-esteem. Finally, here’s to #LikeAGirl and its dedication to developing and empowering young women!
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About the Contributing Writer:
Traci Currie is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes The PRC will help young women reach their highest potential. “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.” Read her latest posts.
“Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit…”
Almost 365 days have passed since becoming the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for Phoenix Shine, The Phoenix Rising Collective’s blog. My, my, my (long inhale and exhale) so much has happened within the past year. Through all the laughter with family and friends, financial challenges, job hopping, difficult living arrangements, tears of depression, and watching my boys grow up and out in height, personality, identity, hobbies, and intellectual capabilities – I’m STILL standing. I’m STILL here!
This is a major declaration because there have been some pivotal moments these past few months, moments when I thought life was playing a miserably absurd joke on me and had left me in the great wilderness to be eaten alive by self-loathing, debilitating mental illness, anxiety attacks, and voices of conditioning. But alas, my Guardian Angels and Spirit Guides gave me a swift kick in the (now very sore) posterior (I’ll explain the soreness later!) and challenged me to begin living a life solely dedicated to unabashed authenticity. I was forcefully nudged to do the following:
Speak honestly to myself, first and foremost; and then share my truth with others.
Create the balance of listening AND adhering to the messages from my passionate heart and my rational mind.
Completely surrender to the notion of living to fulfill my life’s purpose.
“…Nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.”
So, in mid-July, one early Sunday morning, after a long sleepless night of tossing, turning, and deep inhalations of the Houston, Texas humidity, pollen, and dew, I began the initial phases of doing…well, more so…BE-ing all of the above.
I spent the last $237 in my account (reserved for partial payment on a bill) for a round trip ticket to Michigan with the intention of seeing my honorary mother (stepmother) and best friends. I separated from my significant other of eight years. I went to work the next day and quit my job with no other prospects anywhere close to the horizon. A few weeks later, I finally communicated some deep and dark feelings to my biological mother – feelings that had been churning inside me since I could recall my earliest memories as a toddler. This led to a healing breakthrough for us.
Let me tell you, after all that, not only did I feel like I had lost 100 pounds. For the first time ever, I felt serenity, excitement, unrelenting strength, joy, and absolute readiness to create the rest of my life exactly how I want!
In recent weeks, doors I didn’t know existed have widely and enthusiastically flung open, ushering me into the greatness that is my purpose. I was awarded a scholarship to complete my Yoga Instructor certification (which I’ve begun preparing for; hence the soreness in practically every muscle in my body). I’m writing programs and developing a curriculum for a non-profit organization committed to youth empowerment. I teach English as a second language to Spanish speaking and Vietnamese adult learners. And I’m the new Program Coordinator for the Houston Center for Literacy which is dedicated to improving the literacy landscape of the city.
Talk about LEAPS of faith toward living an authentic life! Based on what I’ve experienced these past few months, I’d like to share five signs that you’re living authentically:
Fearless: You fear less; thus, welcoming the vulnerability that comes with the discomfort and uncertainty of not having every single detail of your life planned. You find solace in knowing the heavens and earth are conspiring in your favor to bring forth what you really want. You express gratitude because all that you’ve prayed long and hard for (plus even more) comes to fruition. You simply say,“Thank you,” and pay it forward.
Honesty: Speak the truth and nothing but the TRUTH so help you! According to Neale Donald Walsch, honesty is one of the highest manifestations of love, so if the intention is to love ourselves, let’s start by being honest. How do you want to feel each day that you wake? What’s your ideal career? How can you make a lucrative income pursuing the one or two or several things that bring you great joy and passion? What does optimal health look like on you? What are some non-negotiable and/or areas of flexibility within an intimate, committed relationship for you? In what area(s) can you improve your parenting skills? I dare you greatly to answer all of these questions, honestly. And don’t judge your answers!
Clarity: A book that really helped me gain clarity in my personal and professional life is The Passion Testby Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood. Without giving away all the details (because I hope you’ll do your research and grab a copy for yourself) the book provides a very precise formula for helping you gain significant clarity on the who, what, when, where, and how of pursuing your passion(s).
Life Flows Easily: When you’re living what you love, life flows easily. You’re so swept up in the new routine of fearlessness and honesty (and with a brand new vision for pursuing your goals) that you become much less concerned about doubt, judgment of others, and the drama of “Who Shot John.” Now, this is not to say there won’t be hiccups and challenges along the way; ideally, you’ll feel more inclined to be aware of the now (or present continuous, as I’m teaching my students) and the power you have to create it exactly how you wish it to be.
Attracting Goodness: Like INergy attracts Like INergy. The thoughts, words, and behaviors you set your intentions on will always return to you. Your intention will reflect either ugliness or beauty, so create beauty, Goddesses!
“Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving – even when it’s hard…mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”
I’d like to especially dedicate this to Brene Brown. I’ve used quotes from her glorious masterpiece Daring Greatly throughout this article. I’d like to extend an extra special THANK YOU to Ayanna Jordan for inviting me to The PRC family, embracing my writing, compassionately supporting me, and encouraging me to continue to strive towards my own GREATNESS! Also, Traci Evadne Currie, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude and more gratitude for operating in your greatness and inspiring me to do the same!
W. KaNeesha Allen is The Phoenix Rising Collective’s Motherhood Empowerment contributor. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. While often seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. As the Motherhood Empowerment contributor, she welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within. Read her latest posts.
A friend recently told me that we must celebrate ourselves. Sometimes celebrating oneself means indulging into an abyss of unadulterated joy. Simply put, doing something that makes you giddy…makes you laugh…makes you feel warm inside. Think about it. After you’ve worked your fingers to the bone all week, supported family and friends through some act of giving, and/or volunteered your services to the community, you just might want to ask yourself, “How can I give to myself to rejuvenate?” Some people call it self-care. I call it art-care because as an artist, I like to feed the artistic soul by many means necessary – not “any means” but “many means.”
Flint Farmers’ Market – Flint, MI
So I decided this past August/early September to indulge in Flint’s greatness – The Flint Farmers’ Market, located at 300 E. First Street. Flint, Michigan – the place to which I have returned after gallivanting across seas to hang out in the Tuscan hills and then hit four different hearths along the east coast (New York, Delaware, North Carolina, and Florida) because that’s where family resides. You know the phrase: home is where the heart is? Well, I have returned to my home to continue the work I have been called to do, and it was amazing to experience a newness in this town. I saw local grocers, communities-within-the-community, people hugging, lunching, and scurrying back to work after listening to live music at the market that reopened in the new downtown location this past summer. I was amazed by the colors that surrounded me. No, I am not talking about race. I am talking about how colorful, tangible and rich the environment was – filled with Flint folk/Flintstones/Flint community. FLINT!
I have been working in Flint for roughly 10 years (not counting the overseas disappearing act I pulled this past year). I lived in the suburbs when I first moved to Michigan and specifically decided to work in Flint. As time progressed I found myself moving closer and closer to the city that many have fled, according to various articles and statistics. Funny enough, there is a haven in this urban space. I call it a spirit that layers the surface of these infamous Saginaw Street bricks. Each day there is a sort of artistic hopefulness that keeps me thriving and seeking, and (Aha!) self-indulging in ways that I probably would not have considered a few years ago. So in fact, this article is about finding out how you can self-indulge in your environment – big or small. Even when people say, “There is nothing to do here.” Au contraire!
I offer 5 tips on self- indulging in your environment, no matter how quaint or desolate the place in which you live.
Research what’s unique in your hometown and explore. It’s your adventure, so find something that speaks to your heart. It might even spark a little hometown pride. You might want to be a part of a committee that is putting on a parade, festival or community event. If that’s too much, simply go and be a spectator.
Do something you’ve never done but have always wanted to do like volunteering, zip-lining, dancing, drawing, gardening. The list is endless. It can’t hurt, right? Stepping out of your comfort zone can be scary but once you’ve done it there is a sort of self-indulging/self-confidence boost that rears its head.
Self-indulging does not have to mean ‘leave your place of residence.’ It may simply be staying indoors and resting the mind by taking a nice long nap; reading a book strictly for pleasure; watching Netflix with a big bowl of popcorn you popped in the old-school popcorn popper – yes, some of us don’t use the microwave for everything.
How about a personal project you’ve been wanting or needing to finish? Maybe you want to continue your musical lessons or learn a 2nd language or learn to knit a scarf. If you don’t want to leave your home and you have Internet, a smartphone or computer, you can search for a tutorial on Youtube. It’s FREE!
Do something in a group or with another person. It doesn’t have to be grand; an example is culinary arts. OK, you might not have a passion for cooking, but if you have a passion for eating, then this might urge you to create something befitting to you and your group’s taste buds. Make it a project. You can have lots of fun when grocery shopping with the right group and then creating a meal with people you absolutely enjoy.
I only offered a few tips, but in fact there are a number of things you can do for self-indulgence! For me, I grabbed my camera many-a-days this past August and headed to the Flint Farmers’ Market to be among color (photos above) instead of staying in my very earth tone home that could use a splash or two of RGB (red green blue – chemistry 101). My final point is sometimes we complain about our environments, and we do not take those extra measures to find the treasure that lies beneath our feet. But indeed the treasure is there waiting for us to expose its beauty.
Traci Currie is The Phoenix Rising Collective’s Art + Creativity contributor. She is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes The PRC will help young women reach their highest potential. “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.” Read her latest posts.
So, on a Saturday afternoon I witnessed something really disturbing. Afterward, I thought for a few minutes that I would not share it with others except for the two people very close to me whom I had already told. My thought was that I should keep it to myself because, honestly, I felt ashamed. I was so embarrassed by what I saw. Humiliated! But I shouldn’t be, because it was not my fault. I realized that other people, other women like me, must feel this way about a number of situations over which they have no control; and that this attitude of embarrassment, is a big part of what contributes to creating a society in which sexual violence in its various manifestations can continue to occur. I know that what happened to me during my afternoon walk could have been so much worse, which is also a reason I’m sharing my experiences. Maybe someone will read this and know that it’s okay to speak up. If we don’t, nothing will ever change.
The Bench – Ohio to Indiana Trail
Well, here it is: On August 2nd around 4PM I was walking my dog on the bike path. It was warm out and I had passed several people already biking and on foot. I was catching up with a friend on the phone as I walked past a bench, one of several that line the path where I live. Sitting there was a young man, but the bench faced the direction I was heading, so I could only see the back of his head and shoulders. As I passed him, I didn’t even turn around. I was enthralled in my phone conversation and kept my eyes forward. I walked about a quarter mile more and then doubled back to head home. As I approached the bench again, I saw the same man, and began to notice that he was holding something in his hand, on his lap. My friend and I were still on the phone, so the man still didn’t have my full attention, and it wasn’t until I was close enough to distinguish his facial features, close enough to notice his dark blonde hair and stocky build, and close enough to observe the baby-face of an 18 year old kid, that I realized what he was holding on his lap – his genitals. He had it all out there!
I don’t know if he knew that the shock on my face was in reaction to him. After all, the phone conversation that my friend and I were having had been pretty lively and my eyes were covered with big, dark sunglasses. But as I began to react with an “Oh my god! What the f***?!” he started to masturbate. He was looking at me, watching me, listening to me react as he smiled and chuckled.
For a few seconds, I was paralyzed. I didn’t know what to do. I had thought so many times about what I would do if I ever encountered a stranger with ill-intent while alone on the bike path, here and in my previous town. But this particular scenario had never haunted me. Kidnapped? Sure. Raped? Of course! Killed by a stray hunting bullet? You bet. But, witnessing an exhibitionist? Unwillingly becoming the source of someone’s sexual pleasure via shock and disgust? This was not a scenario that had ever crossed my mind.
Ohio to Indiana Trail
This particular day wasn’t the first time that I had felt humiliated, frightened, or disgusted by someone’s inappropriate expression of sexual desire, dominance, or frustration.
While living in Latin America catcalls were plentiful. We’re told that the come-ons of machismo, which range from an innocent “princesa” all the way to much more degrading comments, have nothing to do with the recipient. It’s about men showing off to other men, but it can still be very disturbing.
I remember walking past a construction site on my way to school in Ecuador at 19 years old and seeing camera phones pulled out to snap my picture. In the same city, two different men chased me down two different streets while yelling at me in English. The first one was shouting “I can see your panties, baby!” (Um, no, actually, he couldn’t) the second one was older and angry that I had rejected his invitation for coffee, which he had so respectfully given me by shouting it across the street.
Back home in Ohio several years later a man in my favorite bar shouted in my face that I needed to “get f***ed” after I refused to give him my real name or tell him whether or not I had a boyfriend after he rudely interrupted a conversation that my friend and I were having over a beer. He was probably drunk, and I was humiliated and terrified. I remember thanking the universe silently that we were in a crowded bar and that everyone turned to look as he shouted at me, but also wishing that I was invisible…
…the same way I wished I was invisible as I got chased down by an older teenager on a bike while jogging with my dog one night on a busy street. Similarly to the bar scenario, he wanted to know my name, where I lived, and where I was going. He had first passed me going the opposite direction and we had both said hello, I thought out of politeness. He later doubled back and approached me with his intrusive questions. I did tell him my name. He was nice enough and, who knows, maybe he just needed someone to chat with. But to all of his other inquiries I responded with “why are you asking?” repeatedly. I could see his face turn from friendly to angry and I began to run. He followed me, so I ran to a gas station where I stayed for a while until he was out of sight.
I didn’t know what to do. I was shocked at how scared I felt. I had already told him to leave me alone, but I was embarrassed to tell someone at the gas station, perhaps scared that my concern wouldn’t be taken seriously. Now I wonder how many women have been hurt due to that same attitude that we see perpetuated time and time again in the media. My mind was racing as I thought of how easily he could hide, follow me home, and break into my house. Only a couple of minutes passed before he stopped riding circles in the parking lot and left. I noted his direction and ran home to call the police. They told me I should have called sooner.
This time around I called 911 immediately. The masturbating man was still, well, masturbating, when I hung up on my friend and started to dial 911. He began to run away, disappeared into the tree line, and then returned to go the opposite direction just as I was connected to a dispatcher. I explained what happened, described the young man and where he was headed, and agreed to wait there for an officer.
As I waited I felt… victimized.
Just the night before an acquaintance who I had only met once offered me some lettuce from his garden, which I accepted graciously along with a few other veggies. I returned home and a couple hours later, around 11:30, there was a knock on my door. It was him, completely wasted, with two beers in his hands, asking to come inside my apartment so we could drink them together. He had never come on to me before, but as our brief conversation began and ended he eyed me up and down again and again in that way that can either make a woman’s cheeks blush or her stomach churn. With a polite smile, I assertively refused his invitation. He seemed perturbed, but thankfully one of my neighbor’s friends was simultaneously approaching our shared porch. I greeted him as if I knew him, and my uninvited guest half-stomped, half-stumbled away.
Maybe Friday night’s creepy come-on is part of what made Saturday afternoon’s disgusting d**k sighting feel so violent.
Carolyn and her dog, Luna
After the police officer arrived and I answered his questions, my shock started to subside and I began to cry. I just moved here a month ago and this path is the one that my dog and I walk every day, twice a day. It had been, so far, my favorite place in my new town. It had felt peaceful and invigorating but now, as I sit here writing this and contemplating why my dog has not bothered me for her walk yet this morning, the thought of that place makes my heart race and my mind ache. My space has been invaded. My freedom has been violated.
I think it’s okay to feel this way, for now. Hopefully I will opt for a different walking route only for today. I don’t want to avoid that space, just like I don’t want to avoid speaking my truth about this event and others like it. The only thing I do not want to feel, the only thing that no one should ever have to feel about unwanted attention of any kind, is shame.
I am not culpable for someone’s psychological abnormality. I am not responsible for the way men choose to look at me. I should not feel ashamed to refuse to answer intrusive questions from strangers. Perhaps most importantly, no one should ever have to feel embarrassed to relate her experiences to others. Let’s drop the shame and guilt so that we can de-normalize these kinds of behavior!
To end things on a lighter note, after my exhibitionist encounter I went out with some friends. I did end up telling them about what happened, and I’m glad I did, even though the first response I got was actually really offensive. She said, “At least now you know what they look like” (um, please). But, I was extremely thankful for the other, tasteful jokes that got me laughing about my experience rather than holding back tears. (My favorite of the evening is pictured below. My friend handed me the CD and said, “They wrote a song about the guy you saw, but they misspelled the last word. Track 5!”)
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About the Contributing Writer:
Carolyn Crowner graduated in 2012 from Ohio University with a love for language, culture, and social justice along with a BSEd and MA in Spanish. She is driven by a firm belief in the importance of travel and cultural exploration in personal growth and social responsibility. When she’s not teaching, Carolyn volunteers with Planned Parenthood of South West Ohio, spends time outside with her dog, and experiments in the kitchen. She is inspired by The PRC’s mission to empower women and girls to reach their full potential and realize their tremendous worth.
I am a storyteller. But then, aren’t we all? Some stories come out of us in the most cryptic horrifying manner while others are simultaneously flighty and invigorating. Then there are those who tell stories that put us to sleep; unfortunately, we sometimes call them teachers or family.
Gia Marie Amella, Nonfiction Video and Television Producer
However, occasionally we come across a story that actually doesn’t speak. It simply unfolds. You get to watch it live. You have the great opportunity to pay admission to its viewing – mine being a plane ticket to Italy. Once landed (if you are on the same trip), you drive to your destination, knock on the door and sit down for dinner to feed your face because you’ve been craving good food all day after a long tedious flight. Just when you are ready to take that first luscious bite, the story stops you and suddenly replaces the pasta or pesce or prosciutto con formaggio you were about to ingest. The story is sitting right next to you – vivacious, garrulous, sensitive, and willing to share.
I have met many stories this past year being in Italy. All of them have come in these wondrous packages that have entertained me more than my favorite television programs; and believe me, I love watching TV. But I am losing interest in what TV programming has to offer. I am realizing that much of the programming, in all its glamour and unrepresentative images of real life, just can’t fully capture the essence of how beauty unfolds – how it comes in a 5’8” package, thick dark curly hair, Italian American mystique who waves a magic wand to create and produce media programming for the masses. You are saying, “Get to the point! Who in the world are you talking about?”
Gia Marie Amella
Here are a few facts about this Sicilian American woman who lives in two worlds – Italy and the United States:
Born in Chicago, Illinois (like me – YAH!)
Raised in Chicago and Northern California
Identifies herself as a nonfiction video and television producer and has been working in this industry since the mid-1990s
Completed her university degrees in California and became a Fulbright Fellow
Moved to New York City and worked in commercial television
Launched the company Modio Media in 2006
Recipient of the 2011 Public Service Award from the National Immigration Council, Washington D.C.
I could continue listing facts, but I wanted to share a few bullet points and then write about Gia personally. Why? She is charming and smart. Moreover, she is working in an industry where women are not readily in the forefront. I don’t think it is a coincidence that we connected at this particular moment in time. My sister had been telling me about her media experience for a while and agreed to have a dinner that included Gia and her husband Giuseppe (November 2013). My first impression when seeing her was, she gleamed. Not glowed, but gleamed. She had a flare and spunk that was undeniable. I immediately loved her style. This could be because she reminded me of myself – casually sophisticated, classic and comfortable. Granted, I may very well be the only one who describes myself as such, but I am allowed! When we sat down at dinner there was no lapse in dialogue, uncomfortable silence, or pretense to come up with silly questions to mask any sort of weirdness in the air. Gia was fluid, quick, energetic and had stories to tell. Her mind was whizzing, and at times I felt I had to play catch up because her tongue was quick. But get this – her eyes were very intent on listening, even when she spoke. Yes, she spoke and listened at the same time. She also observed and nodded, as if anything I said actually sounded golden. I mean, SHE TRULY LISTENED. And if you were to ask me, “Well, what did you say?” I have NO IDEA. I can’t remember my words but I can remember her eyes, the two semi-vertical lines that crinkled between her brows indicating complexity, thoughtfulness and her interest in wanting to know about little brown ME.
This meeting was only the first of a few others. This led to my requesting an interview with her about the work she does and how she balances her life. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I don’t assume people will say “yes” just because my big pleading brown eyes say, “YOU MUST DO THIS FOR HUMANITY!” I was humbled she agreed, because here’s an incredibly curious woman who tells other people’s stories for a living. And she was willing to sit with me for a few hours and share snippets of her life story. However, the video I have included is nine minutes long. Nine minutes worth of wisdom that you attain through living life the best way you know how…by putting one foot in front of the other.
One last thing, I am a firm believer that certain artistic expressions are meant to be abstract while others should be obviously understood. For the purpose of this article, I want to make it abundantly clear the importance of featuring Gia. I am moving into a unique phase in my life. I am meeting absolutely astonishing women and men who are moving the earth’s axis, as far as I’m concerned. They are shaping their existence by simply operating in what they love to do. While doing this, they create balance and figure life out as it unfolds. Gia does this. She does this in a communal way by offering her skills and services on a global level (after all, media is global). She does this by teaming with her husband to create a business – I love that she and her husband are business partners and live half the year in Italy and half the year in the United States (give or take a few months). And she openly admits that she is figuring life out and it’s not easy. Moreover, it’s not even close to being done. I believe we attract what we are. And if this is a bird’s eye view to how my artistic life is unfolding simply by what I am attracting and vice versa, then my goodness, WATCH OUT WORLD!
Traci Currie is a Communication and Visual Arts lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes the PRC will help young women reach their highest potential. “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.” Read her latest posts here.
On her Saturday morning news show in mid- April 2014, Melissa Harris-Perry interviewed hip hop emcee Pharoahe Monch. During the interview, she asked him about the significance of his new album being titled P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). He calmly replied that he wanted to be more transparent on this album and discuss his personal challenges with depression. While watching this short but candid interview I was also skimming various online articles about beauty/lifestyle blogger and founder of FOR BROWN GIRLS, Karyn Washington, committing suicide. While the details vary (at least expressed through various media outlets) about the reasons the beautiful 22 year old committed suicide, my initial response was, what it always is when I learn someone – anyone – decides to take their own life, “why?”. This isn’t a question to judge or criticize with a “chile, please” side-eye. It’s more of a question that’s posed to understand the psychological, emotional, and/or spiritual rationale for the decision. It ponders whether or not it could have been prevented. It’s an inquisitive attempt to discern what seemingly unresolved inner struggles led to suicide as a final decision. It’s a “why” harboring great disdain toward a healthcare system in which African-Americans are disproportionately under served or denied access to quality mental health services. Of this striking statistic, black women specifically are drastically impacted. According to NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Health), “Many African American women do not seek treatment because it is viewed as a weakness and not a mental health problem. Only 12% of African American women seek help and/or treatment.” We have been conditioned to mask or suppress symptoms of depression, stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. by hiding behind a face full of M.A.C., taking antidepressant pills, gulping down bottles of wine like Olivia Pope, or the other extreme, contemplating ending life altogether.
Karyn Washington, Founder, For Brown Girls
This cyclone of thoughts swirled in my head for about 15 minutes. Then I went on a reflective journey examining my own battle with depression, as well as the need for even more transparency in my relationships and candor about discussing my mental health issues. I also considered all the black women in my family and intimate circle, as well as those whom I work with and others I may share an exchange or two with during the morning commute. We all attempt to bare the face of Ms. Got-my-stuff-together-and-I’m-in-control; yet many of us are visibly and quickly unraveling at the seams. Generally speaking, many black women are not communing with one another (or anyone else) to have truthful conversations about the daily pressures that plague us.
I am a firm believer that every human emotion is governed by either fear or love. We can attach a myriad of adjectives to our emotions, but essentially they all trace back to fear or love. That said, how can black women begin to collectively conquer the fear of admitting to mental exhaustion or defeat in our lives? How do we begin to shatter the illusion of poker-faced perfection we’ve allowed to permeate our beings? How do we create the sacred spaces amongst ourselves, and if necessary, go back (one, two, or three generations) to our foremothers and examine the cyclical and recurring themes surrounding battles with mental health? Finally, how can we nurture and support one another in operating at our highest capacities within institutions that are mere microcosms of a larger culture that explicitly undermines and devalues our effort (to say the least) toward equal existence in every facet of our lives?
I don’t have all the answers nor am I a mental healthcare professional by any stretch of the imagination. However, as a womyn that considers herself to be colossally self-aware and observant of other womyn around her, I very vividly witness my reflection all around me. Sisters, many of us are sharing a global experience. Let’s open our eyes, our hearts, our minds, and our mouths to vehemently discuss all that runs rampant in promoting constant turmoil and decay. We cannot and should not carry this burden alone. Let’s seek out the help, support, treatment, circles, resources etc. that we need to help us shift into the divine image and likeness we were created in.
It has been one of my most intentional prayers that black women can embark on a new journey. And on this journey we learn the profound impact of initiating decisions that support us compassionately, intensely, fearlessly, unabashedly, and fully loving ourselves and one another. Divine Goddesses, we have the ability to be vulnerable and powerful at the same time.
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About the Contributing Writer:
W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for The Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions. She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.