The Phoenix Rising Collective

Inspiring Women to be Self-Love in Action


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What About Your Friends? How to Develop Healthy, Positive Friendships

healthy_friendships[blackwomen]By now we’ve all probably heard the idea that our friends are a reflection of who we are. Whether we’ve heard how “birds of a feather flock together” or TLC’s old hit “What About Your Friends” – we’ve learned that friends come in many different varieties.

We’ve also learned that while some people are invaluable to our lives, others just aren’t good friends.

Navigating the highways and byways of friendship can be difficult, so we want to discuss how having healthy friendships play a role in maintaining a happy lifestyle.

“Are they gonna be low down?” –  Some people just aren’t good friends.

If a person is negative, how is that a reflection of you? Can friendships that don’t last still be positive?

We’ve all been there, so let’s first discuss what not-so-positive friendships look like and how we can grow when in them and/or leave them. We believe that you have a choice of whether to stay in a friendship just like any other relationship. Of course making that type of decision requires a lot of self-evaluation. Any time you notice that something isn’t right in your friendship, you might consider looking inside yourself to find pieces of the problem. And once you identify the problem, give yourself permission to grow. Be a better friend and a better you.

AISHA_BLOG[PHOTO]Aisha’s Story: When I first moved to Pittsburgh, I quickly became friends with the woman who lived below me in my apartment building. We hung out almost every day and things went pretty well until she started acting weird. She was always a more pessimistic person, and at first her negativity seemed quirky, until it started to wear on me. It started off small. Then she began making negative comments about the people in my graduate program and how they made her feel inferior, and it continued to grow as she began binge drinking most nights of the week. Sadly, I kept hoping she was just going through a phase. I invited her to San Diego with me for spring break and she showed out! This girl was outright rude to my sister (who we were staying with) and me the whole time. She told me at one point that most of the new friends she was making were racists. By that point of the trip I was exhausted. Luckily, she decided to leave one morning; she had her flight moved up and also had a town car take her to the airport. When I got back to Pittsburgh she didn’t want to speak to me, and I was OK with that. That trip helped to end things swiftly. I’m glad I got out of that situation when I did. It was surely going downhill.

SimonePic3Simone’s Story: The last time I saw Francheska in person, she had short brown hair and a sad face. I wondered what made her think she had to be so sad all the time, because when she was happy she told me how much she enjoyed smiling. But, I knew what made Francheska sad; she thought that the man she was seeing owed her love. She had given him so much and he hadn’t noticed.

I know these things, not because Francheska told me, but because I experienced them, too. The idea that we attract what we are is a true statement. When you notice something in someone else it is because it may be a familiar pattern/experience in your own life. Our relationships are reflections of ourselves. However, I didn’t realize this connection while Francheska and I were best friends. I thought I was there only to help her, not myself as well. At times, I felt overwhelmed with her problems. She would call me at six o’clock in the morning, and though I did not hesitate to answer her calls, her sadness became a part of my life. I became sad when I talked to her. When we were together, I would frown so that we looked the same. When carrying her became too much, I talked to my Godmother and told her that I needed a break from Francheska because I hated the negativity—how it bounced between us and settled into me. My Godmother told me that it was probably best that I keep my distance for a while. However, each time I took a break from Francheska, she would find me and I’d be listening to her again. I had no idea that I was listening to myself.

Yes, you attract what you are. The same time Francheska and I were best friends, I was also seeing a man who I thought owed me love. I would become angry if he did not return my calls, because I returned his calls. I didn’t talk to Francheska about it too much, but the sadness was there and it came out when she opened her mouth; she was telling me that I was sad, too.

It wasn’t until this past summer that I realized the lesson that my former best friend was there to teach me: “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”  Francheska showed me my own internal struggles and also taught me that I can choose to be happy.

I am very thankful for her.  I am also very glad that I realized I deserve to surround myself with happy, positive energy. I did not sit down and tell Francheska that our friendship needed to end or that something needed to change. She sort of went her own direction, and she occasionally drifts back into my life. It is when I recognize her sadness on the other end of the telephone that I acknowledge that I need more moments with myself. However, when I hang up the phone, I leave the sadness with her and remember the power I have to choose happiness.

“Will they stand their ground?” Positive Friendships

Just what is a good friend? How do you know when someone is a good friend?

PhotoGrid_1385390261660Aisha: I’m really close with my family. My mom, sister, and brother are all like close friends. When I think of a best friend, I think of people outside of my family who provide me with the same kind of support and love that my family does.

With that said, I met my best friend Asheley in my 8th grade health class. I sat down next to her and asked if she wanted to be friends. She kindly told me, “you’re weird,” to which I agreed, and we’ve been best friends ever since. Asheley and I have only ever had one argument (because she thought I didn’t call her early enough in the morning on her 16th birthday). I think that we have managed to make our friendship last so long because we really have a deep understanding and respect for each other as individuals with different personalities.

Asheley has always accepted me just as I am. Once a group of our friends was giving me a hard time for using a “big word” and she jumped to my defense saying, “That’s just how Isha talks! She thinks in big words!” Over the last 12 years Asheley has become a part of my family. We laugh and cry together. She pushes me to be a better person and is always there to bring me back down to earth if I stray too far.  I’ve watched her grow from the girl who I split 10 dollars of junk food from the corner store with into a strong single-mother who loves her son fiercely and works every day to make their life better.

Aside from Asheley, I have a lot of other sister-friends who make my life better just by them being in it:

starlandISupport System. Simone and Starla are my support system through our group chats. If I need advice on men, fashion, food, or just want to share pictures of our pets, they are there.

Inspiration. Belinda and Cherrell, I adore greatly. They can make anything happen (they basically make all of their dreams come true) and emanate good energy that is contagious!

Strong Connection. Chrysten, Taylor, and Tera are my long-distance sister-friends. Since we’ve all left college we live far away but have worked on keeping in contact actively.

Positive Reinforcement. Lastly, the fabulous women I’ve made friends with in my graduate cohort, Liz and Hillary, have really gotten me through the last year and a half. I don’t think I could have survived this transition into a PhD program without them. We pull all-night study sessions, text, and e-mail each other all day long, and we also talk one another off numerous academic cliffs.

I love all of my friends, and maintaining friendships is at the top of my priority list.

 

brittani_simoneSimone: I tell people all the time that my younger sister, Brittani, is my soul mate. We have such a strong connection—something I can’t explain here. It makes me so happy that I can call her my sister and best friend. Although she is only twenty-one, she is so wise and tells me what I need to hear. I just love my little button-bear-cupcake-sweet! We talk to each other about everything. And when I say everything, I mean there are things I’ve told her that she can’t repeat to God.

In addition to Brittani, I have so many people in my life that make it wonderful:

Good Advice.  My group chats with Starla and Aisha help me through the day. We are always laughing and giving one another advice about school, men, and wine.

Spiritual Network. Kenton and Goyland are my friends in prayer. I met these two when I moved to Kansas, and though this was just last year, I can’t imagine my life without our late night runs to Sonic and our prayer/talk/laugh sessions before Scandal.

Happiness. Lanisha is always so happy and never hesitates to share her happiness with me.

Commonalities. Funmi is my Scorpio sister! Our iMessages are basically screenshots of our daily horoscopes and a back and forth of “Girl, this is sooooo true!”

Love. Yewande, my Coffee Pot, is a big-hearted fashionista who keeps me laughing with statements like, “Simone! I look like death warmed over. You can’t see me like this!”

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 So, what makes a positive friendship?

  1. Being supportive: Support your friends no matter the cause. Okay, we’re going to limit the cause when it comes to twerking and dancing on tables. But, be sure you are supporting the dreams and goals that keep your friends happy and healthy!
  2. Honesty: If something is bothering you, tell your friend. This includes anything that has to do with the friendship, as well as things that you are dealing with emotionally.
  3. Respect: Well, you all know what this looks like. Treat your friends how you want to be treated.
  4. Constructive Criticism: Friendships help you grow. Don’t be afraid to offer advice. We are all working on creating ourselves, and we know that we need advice and suggestions from friends in addition to the conversations we have with ourselves. Additionally, our friends can teach us something about ourselves, so be open to hearing what they have to say.
  5. Openness: This includes honesty as well as the willingness to share and try new things. Have fun with your friends! What’s the point of having someone as a friend if you can’t share or do crazy things with each other?!

 

What does a positive friendship look like to you? Let us know!

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aisha_uptonAisha Upton is a second-year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests include Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance.  Be sure to read Aisha + Simone’s unique take on Life + Style and the importance of letting who you are shine through when defining your personal style.

SimonePic3Simone Savannah is an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably. Simone is teaming with Aisha (read about her below) to bring you a unique take on Life + Style.

 


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The Balancing Act: 7 Tips for Creating the “Me-Time” You Deserve

balancing_act[KaNeeshaOCT]Like hunger or thirst, the instinct for balance is built into the human body.” These words spoken by Deepak Chopra express the very essence of what I strive to manifest each day.

Establishing and maintaining a balanced lifestyle is an extremely prevalent theme in my life and should be in all our lives if we choose to commit to honoring its significance.

As mothers we often get so overwhelmed with responsibilities and expectations involving external variables that we tend to neglect the single most important factor of the equation – ourselves. We forget that our identities are not solely mom, career woman, spouse/partner, daughter, life coach, problem solver, love maker, cook, house cleaner, and a slew of other titles that come with specific expectations.

Truthfully speaking, women take on these identities and try to live up to the expectations associated with them because we start believing that we’re supposed to be Superwoman, that our DNA is a mixture of extraterrestrial-Zena-Warrior-Princess-medicine-woman-big-sister-Almighty-Goddess-with-super-duper-unbreakable-strength. We also buy into the notion, “If I want anything, and I mean anything done right, I HAVE to do it myself!”  Whelp, my dear sistas, I have breaking news for all of you. While, I too, truly believe that I embody many (if not all) of the aforementioned extraordinary out-of-this-world powers, I equally have to recognize that each day that Father Sun graces me with his presence, I’m human. I have feelings. I’m imperfect. I make mistakes. I fuss at my children. I get too tired to express intimacy towards my significant other. I sometimes burn the chicken for dinner.  And dang on it, “I should’ve worn flats instead of these four-inch heels to work, knowing good and well I’d be standing up most of the day! Now my feet are killing me, and I’m giving everybody the look of death each time I see another hand go up to ask a question or voice a concern.”

So, the million-dollar question is, how and when can I get some time for me, ALL by myself with absolutely NO interruptions? Well, I’ve learned the billion-dollar answer. Are you sitting down? Fully tuned in? Got your smartphone on silent? Waaaait for it. We have to TAKE the time.

It’s that simple. I know. I know. You were anticipating something a lot more complex and profound. But it’s really that simple. Taking the time to fully nurture, nourish, balance, and heal ourselves each day, of every week, of every month is absolutely imperative to our womanhood. We commit so much of our time to and expend so much of our energy on those around us – family, friends, careers, etc – but how often do we make ourselves the number one priority? How often do others make us the number one priority? That’s an “ah-ha moment” (said in my best Oprah voice). The light bulb comes on.

Striking a Balance, Concocting a Goddess’s Brew

KaNeesha[meditation]Mothers, I challenge you to embark on a journey with me to explore the essential ingredients necessary for concocting the sweetest, tastiest, healthiest, soul shaking, lip smacking, energizing, regenerating, spirit filled Goddess Brew of what I like to call, Me-Time. Since all of us are unique, and have our own desires and needs, each Goddess Brew of Me-Time will consist of different ingredients, and that is totally fine. What works for me may not resonate with someone else, but the idea is to take the time. I repeat. Take the time you need to be with yourself while doing, thinking, acting, and feeling exactly what you want, when you want, how you want with no judgment – no judgment from others, and especially no judgment from you. This is your time to convene with the Goddess within, to reclaim your identity, and to unpack and sort through unnecessary baggage while loving and healing you. My Goddess Brew is a blended mixture of the following:

  • 10 to 30-minute morning meditations and/or visualizations
  • Prayers of gratitude
  • Vinyasa and/or Bikram Yoga at least 3 times per week
  • Dining at my favorite restaurants; either Thai or Eastern Indian cuisines
  • Consignment/thrift shopping
  • Creating my own facials with natural ingredients like avocado, honey, and Greek yogurt
  • Jogging
  • Reading
  • Journaling
  • Cutting my hair
  • Dream charting

These are all major activities that keep me in alignment with the divine energy within. However, my daily and weekly must-haves are morning meditations/visualizations, gratitude prayers, yoga, reading, and newly added to my list, dream charting. By making very intentional efforts to engage in each of these, I’m allowed to unabashedly honor, love, and dote on myself. I’m reminded of the beauty that exists within, without, above, and below. I’m able to see through and own all of my imperfections and insecurities. I’m open to be completely and utterly vulnerable with myself and God. As a result, I’m learning to wholly understand myself, my emotions, my gifts, my limitations, my place in the world, and ultimately the true connection I share with other entities – especially the people I spend time with and the things I expend energy towards.

So, you’re probably wondering, WHEN do I take time to do these activities? Great question! Here’s what I do, and I’ve added a few suggestions for you, too:

  1. Make the initial commitment to whip up a batch of Goddess Brew; Me-Time. Your mind, body, and soul may be shocked at first, as your ingredients may appear to be foreign substances. But, after a few more sips each day, your body will get used to the transition, happily comply, and become so very thankful. Trust me!
  2. I wake up 30 minutes earlier than anyone in my home. This time is very quiet and peaceful. The sun may be dawning and nature begins to sing her morning hymns. I can pray and meditate in front of my window that faces east while basking in the sun’s rays.
  3. I create a structured weekly routine that consists of a set bedtime for my boys. At 8:30 PM, its lights out! Yes, even for my  11 year-old. Moms, be mindful that your growing children between the ages of one to 13 require minimally nine to 12 hours of sleep at night. Even if they’re not actually falling asleep at 8:30 PM, at least their minds and bodies are peacefully resting until R.E.M. is in full effect. This allows time for me to catch up on my reading and possibly get a quick 20-minute Vinyasa yoga session in with Gaiam TV.
  4. Develop a schedule at least two months in advance for your Me-Time with the disclaimer, “non-negotiable.” Unless something earth-shattering happens, commit to your schedule, and others will too.
  5. Say NO! And mean it! You truly don’t have to be everywhere, doing everything, ALL the time.
  6. I’m more transparent and authentic in my communication about what I need and how I am feeling. If I’m too tired to cook, we order takeout. If I get frustrated at my children or significant other, I attempt to calmly communicate that and go into a different room or outside until I calm down. If I truly don’t feel like going to work, I contact my supervisor and tell her I won’t be in the office.
  7. If ever in need of a reminder, refer to numbers 1, 4, and 5. Especially 5!

 

I hope these suggestions provide a strong foundation for beginning or rebooting your journey to establishing and maintaining a healthy balanced lifestyle.  Before we finish, let’s do a couple of quick exercises.

Managing Your Stress, Practicing Deep Breathing

meditation_book[KaNeesha]Sit still for a moment and pay attention to your breath. Not recognizing how it smells (although that’s important too) but more specifically, assess the depth or lack thereof of your inhalation and exhalation.

Notice if your breaths are short and shallow or long and deep. Does your breathing flow freely or is it restricted? Does the capacity in which you breathe expand down to your abdomen or does it start and stop at your throat?

Now, try to recall during stressful and challenging times whether you’re even aware of your breathing patterns at all.

The answers to these questions can paint a very vivid picture about your overall health, how you manage your stress levels, and if the seven major centers (known as chakras) in your body are functioning at their highest potential.

I won’t delve extensively into the various spiritual and metaphysical practices that focus primarily on unblocking and balancing the chakras and other energy points in the body, but there is a plethora of resources available and books written by amazing healing practitioners/authors on this subject.

I would, however, like to challenge moms to take the time to participate in the following breathing exercise for managing stress, at least four mornings out of each week. This exercise is from one of my favorite websites: MindBodyGreen.

  1. Sit up straight in a chair.
  2. Place the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Keep it there through the entire breathing process.
  3. Breathe in silently through your nose to the slow count of 4.
  4. Hold your breath to the count of 7.
  5. Exhale through your mouth to the count of 8, making a slight audible sound.
  6. Repeat the 4-7-8 cycle another three times, for a total of four breathing exercises.

 

If you’d like to learn more about these breathing exercises, read MindBodyGreen’s full article, How to Manage Stress in 76 Seconds.

Moms, what will be your Goddess Brew for creating Me-Time? We want to know what ingredients you’ll mix into your daily self-care routine! Remember, you deserve it.

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About the Contributing Writer:

Kaneesha_bio_pic[shine]W. KaNeesha Allen is the Motherhood Empowerment contributor for the Phoenix Rising Collective. She is an educator with extensive project management, student support services, and community outreach experience in K-12 and higher education institutions.  She is also the mother of two extremely rambunctious and fun loving boys – Ausar and Mikah. Seeking to master the balance between being a highly engaged mother and taking time to BE with herself in the divine energy of the universe, KaNeesha finds peace, solace, and regeneration through meditation, Vinyasa yoga, and her “Sistah Circle”. She welcomes mothers from everywhere to join her on a journey of self-discovery and evolution towards harnessing, embodying, and emoting the Goddess power within.


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Coconut Oil, Self-Loving, and Healthy Sexual Relationships

quote_may_post[upton_savannah]Besides the joyous feeling we get after completing an assignment or grading forty students’ papers, graduate school leaves very little time for feeling good, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t make the time. We realize that loving ourselves is about creating balance and finding time for touch. Yes, we’re talking about sex. We’re talking about creating time and space to touch others and ourselves. We are talking about finding out what we like and might like when it comes to our bodies. Now, we’re not telling you to skip work or neglect your responsibilities; however, we do want you to make this type of loving a part of your busy schedule. Make it a part of your life.

Before you leave the shower or after you get home from volunteering, reach inside yourself or massage your skin with oil to find out who you are. Get into you; make a relationship out of it. Self-loving is about knowing yourself, then about using that knowledge to build those outside relationships that we all know and love.

So, let’s talk about the sex we’re having, not having, or would like to have! We’ve decided to compile some tips and questions for creating healthy sexual relationships with others and ourselves. Before we get into the tips and questions, we would like to tell you why it is important to be in tune with your body by sharing our own personal stories.

Simone

Simonepic2Cut to a cold spring semester. Until recently, the maintenance man has been the only man in my apartment, and he has come only to fix the drought that my kitchen faucet experiences from time to time. What about my kitchen sink, Mr. Maintenance Man? Moving to Kansas in July 2012 meant that I would be leaving behind some special people, and that I would have to find new options for sexual pleasure. Now, I have always been okay with diddling my own skittle. Spending time with myself and discovering new things about my body makes me happy. An entire spring semester with myself has given me the courage to continue to awaken my body through my own physical and spiritual movements and touches. I have spent time in the mirror getting to know more about my body and how it works. “Oh, didn’t know I had a mole there. How pretty! Oooh, that’s the spot!” I’ve learned that my sexless life is not so bad when I’m using what I already have to get what I want. However, I like when someone else touches me, too.

I find sex to be a healthy, liberating experience. Though I am able to recharge my body and spirit through masturbation, I admit that there is an energy that I cannot recreate on my own. For me, touching someone else and being touched by someone else sends a colorful, electric shock through my body that often saves me from running to my local grocery and buying all the chocolate ice cream that I can fit into a little green basket. Though it was a fruitful, peaceful period in my life, four months without sex was a little frustrating at times. So, I was delighted when someone else—a very special someone else—walked through my front door. I had the opportunity to combine my energy with someone else’s, and to use that energy in my personal time. The experience did not replace my self-loving moments, but it did add to them, and recharged me in a way that I wanted to be recharged. Thank you, Mr. Not Maintenance Man.

For me, remaining in touch with myself is about balance. I know that I have the power to be alone without being lonely, as well as the courage to achieve an orgasm without the help or presence of a man. Cue Kirko Bangz: “She want a man, don’t need a man.” And I also know that I enjoy someone else’s company when my silver bullet isn’t enough. Getting to know myself through masturbation and interactions with others gives me the power to love myself. And loving myself means being honest about how I feel and how I want to feel.

Aisha

aish_black_white[photo]I’ve been single since 2009. I know that sounds like a long time, but before we cue Ne-Yo’s So Sick – I have to say that it hasn’t been that bad. In the meantime, I’ve attained a Bachelors, Masters, and started a PhD program, so I guess it’s safe to say that I’ve invested my energy elsewhere. As much as I’d love to be in love and dating someone seriously, I’m not rushing fate. Also, being out of a relationship doesn’t mean I haven’t had sex, or established a relationship with my own body. Of course I have! And honestly, those things have enabled me to stay the course, stay focused, and combat some stress!

Like Simone, I find sex to be a healthy and liberating experience, and I believe that remaining in touch with my sexual self is all about balance. Though striking a balance can be difficult, it is doable. For me, this is really all about forming healthy sexual relationships with whoever is my partner, and with myself. I have had healthy sexual relationships where I’ve felt a sense of reciprocity from my partner, and felt that he respected my overall personhood, my body, and me. It should feel energizing, stress-free, and fun, and that requires an immense amount of honesty and trust, as I don’t trust my body to just anybody (and I’m picky, and I don’t typically like tall guys, and I prefer facial hair, etc.)

I have, however, also tried abstaining from sex completely three times over the last four years, and that just meant not having sex with another person until I felt like I was physically and emotionally ready to form another healthy sexual relationship. I’m currently in one of these phases right now. In these times, as well as when I’ve not been involved with anyone, I still have myself. Learning to find peace in just having myself has been a great life lesson. Finding peace with me is a powerful feeling. Finding peace with going to bed and waking up alone, and finding pleasure in just me requires the utmost amount of honesty, because it’s hard to lie to myself.

1. Get Into Yourself: Self-Loving

Be alone often. People often confuse being alone with being lonely. However, we know that being alone encourages us to be less dependent on someone else for sexual pleasure. And when someone else does not please us, we don’t get angry; we put our pants back on, and do it ourselves.

Experiment with toys, your fingers, or watch something by yourself that you know or think will get your juices flowing. Experimenting on our own empowers us to try new things without judgment. Also, experimenting on your own encourages you to be in tune with your own body. That means looking at and touching your physical self, and also loving how you look and feel. This, indeed, will help you cultivate a positive self-image, and also foster a sense of self that you’ll want to share with others…or even keep to yourself.

Write about what you love. Toni Morrison stated, “If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it.” Make lists or journal entries about what makes you feel good or how you’d like to feel, and refer back to them often. Your own words may encourage you to spend more private time with yourself and others. We’d like to think that writing about what you want and feel encourages (sexual) freedom.

Talk with your friends. We recently read an article: True Friends Ask How the Sex Is. We talk to each other and our other friends about sex all the time. Sometimes, we talk in detail about our sexual experiences in order to support or advise each other in our sexual ventures. Talking to your friends about sex and self-loving may encourage you to be more open about the private time with yourself as well as the private time you have with others.

2. Create Healthy Sexual Relationships:

If you do want to engage in sexual activities with other people (or if you just want to share your coconut oil experience with another), keep in mind that fostering healthy sexual relationships can increase your satisfaction. A sexual relationship, like any other relationship, is healthiest when all of the people involved are honest and open about their wants and needs.

Maintaining an open line of communication with your sexual partner(s) can help to increase your overall sexual satisfaction. Whether you are communicating with your partner(s) about your fantasies or distinguishing between things you enjoy and things you could live without, healthy communication is key.  If you want to bring in the coconut oil, sit your partner down and tell them that you read this post and learned that coconut oil would be a natural alternative to your previous lubrication techniques!

And remember, be with someone who appreciates your body just as much we know you do. Believe us when we say that it makes sex so much better! Being with someone who is in love with your body will help you to maintain a positive self-image and a healthy sex life.

3. Grab Some Coconut Oil

Oh, you thought we forgot about the coconut oil? Of course not! As we continue our journey toward natural living, we’ve discovered that this cooking, skin, and hair-care product is also perfect for the bedroom. You can use coconut oil as a natural lubricant. What? Yes! And get this: it can balance your ph. So, go ahead and introduce some organic coconut oil to your intimate moments.

So, Some Advice and Sample Questions…

Safe sex. Know yourself and your limits. Additionally, invest in some toy cleaner and/or condoms for your sex toys, whips, and chains! You’ll want to keep those instruments clean in order to protect yourself from bacterial infections. And don’t forget to use some form of contraception/condoms when engaging in sex with other people. Your body is your temple. Wrap it up, you sensual lover, you!

Research! The Internet and library aren’t reserved only for class or that all-nighter (well, wait). Explore the “dark” sides of the Internet (there are tons!) and check out a Zane book for your private time.

Become in tune with your body. Really create the time and space for your self. Being in tune with yourself makes moments with others so much more powerful and fulfilling. We are more confident and courageous in the bedroom as well as in other parts of our lives.

Love what you like. Be open to new experiences; however, don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re weird for…well, whatever you like.

Know that sex is great. An orgasm a day gets those projects done and out of the way!

Again, communicate with your partner(s). Ask them questions and get to know them, too. Do you like this? Do you like that? Would you like to have sex with me? Do you like coconut oil, too?

Remember that consent is sexy. Always get consent. And don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.

There is no one right way to have sex or get to know yourself. Explore and do what makes you feel good! Our best advice: Have sex with whomever you want (including yourself), wherever you want, however you want, as long as it’s consensual!

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Aisha + Simone are the Life + Style contributors for the Phoenix Rising Collective; continue supporting their posts on the  importance of letting who you are shine through when it comes to self-care and defining your personal style.

AISHA_BLOG[PHOTO]Aisha Upton is a first year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests: Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance.

 

simone_writer[shine]Simone Savannah is an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably.


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Natural Healing for Food Addiction: The Power of Making Healthier Choices

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Collage by Tonya Adams

As beautiful as the sun rising and setting each day, so is the beauty of our lives. The light of the sun shines, and we must not let anything obscure its radiance, as growth is ever present.  Enjoying life and feeling good should always be our natural state of being, but we know through experience that life often brings us growing pains and uncomfortable situations in order to check our egos, to force mindfulness, or to lead us toward our purpose. In order to maintain peace through our adversities, it’s important to develop healthy habits that support transcending painful experiences.

Unfortunately, many of us seek unhealthy forms of relief, like abusing harmful substances, to reclaim peace. These substances are toxic to the body, and with prolonged use can control the body’s cells and functions causing physical, mental, and spiritual deterioration.  In the words of holistic wellness entrepreneur and natural health practitioner, Queen Afua, “When we are addicted to anything or anyone, our lives are not our own.  Addictions are a toxic reflection of how we view our connection with ourselves and the world. All addictions drain our life force, leaving us less than we are.” (1)

Throughout my life I have witnessed and experienced the suffering caused from the dis-ease of addiction. I observed that the majority of adults around me had some form of substance dependence. Today I realize that many of them perceived life’s challenges as suffering, as opposed to a springboard to something greater; they viewed life as a hell they had to escape.

One of the most serious addictions I’ve witnessed is among African American women. Our poor relationship with food has led to having the highest rate of obesity in the U.S.

“Currently, major causes of morbidity and mortality in the United States are related to obesity, mainly caused by poor diet and inadequate physical activity. Some specific diseases linked to poor diet and physical inactivity include cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, osteoporosis, and some cancers.” (2)

According to the Office of Minority Health (3):

  • African American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese compared to other groups in the U.S. About four out of five African American women are overweight or obese.
  • In 2010, African Americans were 1.4 times as likely to be obese as Non- Hispanic Whites.
  • In 2010, African American women were 70% more likely to be obese than Non-Hispanic White women.
  • In 2007-2010, African American girls were 80% more likely to be overweight than Non-Hispanic White girls.
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Medical Image Credit: Animated Dissection of Anatomy for Medicine (A.D.A.M.)

Obesity is linked to higher risk factors for diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and a host of other maladies.

The prevalence of night eating syndrome (NES), binge eating disorder (BED), bulimia nervosa (BN), and the general experience of food cravings are key words to describe some of the addictive habits behind the high rate of obesity among African American women.

Those cravings are usually for junk food, which can be defined as highly engineered toxic substances; and often times their effects are far worse than narcotics.

Unfortunately, this is especially prevalent in predominantly low-income communities due to food inequality; fast food restaurants, liquor stores, and convenience marts are on almost every corner. Processed foods that make us sick, tired, and addicted are easily accessible while healthy, nutritious foods that our bodies need are unavailable and unaffordable. For example, in Columbus, Ohio (specifically near the South and Eastside), there are no grocery stores in walking distance, so people are mostly dependent upon the local convenience marts that sell junk food and other toxic products that are destroying our health.

What are some inexpensive natural healing methods that can be implemented to address food addiction? A part of the answer to the healing process is embracing the concept that was introduced in my previous post: Health is W.E.A.L.T.H.S., the acronym for water, exercise, air, light, thinking happy thoughts, healthy food, and sleep. Other key steps include the following:

  1. Recognizing and admitting that you have a problem.
    Flush your system: Begin to cleanse the body by fasting. There are many detoxification recipes that focus on cleansing and healing to break addiction. A great place to begin? Health Thyself: For Health and Longevity by Queen Afua
  2. Meditating on a daily basis, as often as three to four times per day, to build mental and spiritual strength to overcome the addiction.
  3. Incorporating more raw fruits, vegetables, and super greens such as spirulina and chlorella into your body to feed and nourish your cells. When we consume empty calories, our cells become malnourished.
  4. Spending your money wisely, not from a state of addiction and poor eating habits, but as a wellness activist!
  5. Eating healthy as a family to develop better habits, especially for children.
  6. Creating a wellness plan that includes food education – taking time to research and understand the nutritional value of your food choices is very important.
  7. Surrounding yourself with people who will support you on the path to wellness.
  8. Supporting the development of local food systems and cooperative economics.
  9. Growing your own food for sustainability, ensuring that you’re eating foods while they are in season.

 

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Photo by LeRoyna Edwards

If you don’t know how to begin these steps, there are many organizations and programs that can help you get started.  Circle 77 builds a healthy institution on the South Eastside of Columbus, Ohio that supports the restoration and revitalization of our community by offering products and services that promote healing and wellness.

Invest in your health!

Sources:

 (1) Afua, Queen. City of Wellness: Restoring Your Health through the Seven Kitchens of Consciousness. Heal Thyself Incorporated. 2009. Print.

(2) Institute for Alternative Future. School Based Wellness Programs: A Key Approach to Preventing Obesity and Reducing Health Disparities. The DRA Project. Report 08-04. October (2008): 72 pgs. Print.  

(3) Obesity and African Americans. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Office of Minority Health. Web. 6 September. 2012.

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systar_roni_ausetSystar Roni Auset is a licensed yoga instructor, healthy living practitioner, holistic educator, master joyologist, and founder of Circle 77! Her aim is to improve her community’s quality of life by promoting a healthy lifestyle. By offering educational workshops, health oriented events, youth productions, and training programs, Systar Roni teaches and encourages holistic health as a way to empower people to make choices that will positively impact their own health and that of their peers, families, and communities. Using the latest information about nutrition and natural living, as well as sharing knowledge about the benefits of physical activity and meditation, she intends to be a strong source of vitality within the community. If  you would like to schedule a workshop/yoga class, participate in the Circle 77 buying club, or support her work with youth,  please visit The Children Shall Lead Them Productions.


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Shades of Deeper Meaning: Thoughts on Love, Loss, Resilience, and Poetry

For National Poetry Month I have chosen to interview three poets whom I have had the pleasure of getting to know. I want to showcase the spirit of this art form through their life experiences. What I hope you will notice is the very unique voices that shape these women. I asked all three the same questions, but the way they chose to answer reinforces the power of how humans identify themselves as individuals, social beings, and collective forces. I also observed that the women, as unique and individually powerful as they are, spoke of similar experiences: pain, resilience, change, and appreciation.

Andrea Daniel

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Who are you?

I am a totally creative person – all arts, culture and entertainment, with a splash of communications. My dreams/vision for my life have never changed since I was a little girl, which means I’ve always been into poetry, singing, dance, theater, writing, video production and voice over work, but my left-brain and right-brain work in tandem, because I’m also a business owner. I have to split my time and mind between the creative and the business side. I am a woman who thrives on positivity, putting it out there and getting it back. I’m a mother of a wonderful 22-year old son who is also a creative type; I am a sister, a daughter, friend to a close circle of like-minded people; a woman who loves to laugh, and a pet owner of a sweet little 13-year old terrier mixed with poodle.

Primarily I’m a writer, as most things I do stem from the realm of writing.

Please share significant moments in your life that really defined your poetic artistry.

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Click photo for more info about
Andrea and Like Gwendolyn.

While I’ve always written poetry, I believe my voice was the strongest in my years of recovery from domestic abuse. In 1992, I left my abusive husband of four years, taking my, then, two-year old son with me and moved from Maryland back to my hometown, Detroit, MI. Needless to say, I wrote a lot of poems after I left; poems about abuse and its effects, and poems about my son when he’d have to leave me for long periods of time because a judge ordered that his father have visitation rights. This was a very painful time for me. My only response was to write about it. Those poems are published in my first poetry book, Like Gwendolyn, and while the entire book is not about abuse, it’s those poems and the poems about my son that tend to resonate most with people.

One of the greatest experiences I’ve had was after graduation from Oakland University in 1985. I worked on a cruise ship, the S.S. Emerald Seas, which was part of the eastern cruise line (I don’t think it still exists). I was part of the five-member song and dance act, TiChand, performing as the floor show on the cruise ship, five nights a week, two shows a night. I was the only American along with four Canadians, and the only Black person in the group. We sailed from Miami, Florida to the Bahamian Islands. I felt like it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing at that time in my life; there was nothing about it that felt foreign to me. Our contract was for six months, but because I have a minor heart condition, which flared up during my solo performance one night, my stay was only for one month. I will never forget it.

Another highlight of my life was after I left my marriage back in 1992. In addition to writing poetry, one of the things that was a great distraction from the upheaval of my life, was the opportunity to write and be the lead vocalist on a House music track called Stars, which was produced by the internationally known House music DJ/producer Carl Craig. My cousin was dating Carl at the time, and she recommended me to work with him when he needed a songwriter and a singer on his newest project. We recorded two tracks, which both became very popular in the House music scene here in the U.S. as well as in Europe. A surreal thing about that experience is, today my son is a House music DJ, and people he knows in the industry still have high regard for the music I did 21 years ago.

Do you have a favorite poet, writer, and/or artist?

(Andrea extensively spoke of many poets, writers, and artists.) Here are two:

Gwendolyn Brooks. She was one of the first African American poets I was introduced to as a child. The clarity, rawness and lyrical nature of her writing had a big impact on me. I’d met her twice in my life, once when I was 10. She autographed a copy of the book The Black Poets for my father, which I still have. And again I met her while I was in college when I attended a Master Class she conducted at Oakland University. She was a very direct and thoughtful woman.

Nikki Giovanni. One of my favorite books of hers is Cotton Candy on a Rainy Day. From Nikki I learned that poetry can be fun, serious, and well, Nikki Giovanni is just an awesome poet and woman. I’ve heard her speak twice, and it was from her that I also learned to cure writer’s block: learn more about [your] subject, read something, study something, then the words will come.

Shilpa Venkatachalam

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Who are you?

I am from, Bombay, India. I left India when I was 20 years old. I completed my Masters in English Literature at the University of Durham, U.K. and followed it with a Ph.D. in literature and critical theory at the University of Nottingham, U.K. where I also taught briefly. I currently teach literature and philosophy at the University of the West Indies, Trinidad. Suffice to say, I am, however, at a crossroads in my life and am soon to make a switch into the area of public health and policy fueled by a desire to make a difference in the area following the experiences that resulted from my father’s diagnosis and recent battle with cancer, which came to a close a few months ago.

How do you identify yourself in terms of your artistic craft?

As a writer, writing is simultaneously one of the most difficult things to me and the most ‘natural’ because it is through writing that life unfolds itself; it is through writing that moments of clarity, epiphany, whatever one chooses to call them present themselves to you in order for you to chase them through dark alleys, winding roads, and serpent like pathways.

It is always a hard thing to say what one’s poetry is about: life, love, disappointment, betrayal, faith, regret, pleasure, pain, ecstasy – all of these and yet none of these. For if I could capture what it is all about, I would perhaps not write at all. Writing is the very quest; it entails a process of searching and chasing, a curious struggle to articulate the unsaid, incomprehensible. And in that attempt, a hope to find at least a glimmer of understanding and of capturing. That, at least, has been my hope.

Please share significant moments in your life that really defined your poetic artistry.

Life, for me has been full of surprises and unexpected twists and turns. There comes a point in your life when everything comes to a head, when one difficult situation is relieved by another one. The past three years for me have been a testimony to this; from my own serious illness, to my fathers battle with advanced cancer and his subsequent loss, weeks on end spent in the critical care unit, and the loss of a close friend, and then my own crisis as a result of these events – a crisis of the self, a crisis of what life really means, a crisis of relationships and people. It seemed nothing would give.

But through all this, one begins to understand oneself; one begins to realize the dignity and strength of people who suffer and see the suffering their loved ones are going through; one sees a remarkable humanity and empathy that ironically shines through when people are going through the most testing times of their lives. This fantastic ability of people to pierce through, beyond their own pain and reach out to the other has been most inspiring to me. The renewal of faith in life and in people is unrivaled, stunning, magnificent and nothing short of remarkable. There is also the transience of all things in life, something I continue to battle with to understand, an urge to grasp it, to embrace it, to resist it, all at the same time.

Do you have a favorite poet, writer, and/or artist?

As far as favorite writers or books are concerned, I find myself gravitating toward them depending on where I am in life at that particular point: what experiences I am going through or have gone through, what my philosophy at that moment is. Everything is a process of metamorphosis, so it could be mountaineering books, it could be Borges, it could be Graham Greene, it could be Em and the Big Hoom. Different writers, different books touch and impact me at different points in my life.

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A Poem by Shilpa Venkatachalam:

Here and There

You want guarantees,

I can offer you none.

Like a subatomic particle I exist in two different states simultaneously

I am wave

And I am particle

And come into being only for an instant that disappears before it has decided to stay.

I’m already planning to leave you before I have even met you.

I’m already preparing to destroy before I have even created.

This is my tragedy and this is my bliss

I am clothed in contradictions

Like matter and anti-matter

I am immersed in inconsistency

Before I have committed

I know I will deceive

I cannot offer you what I do not possess

I cannot possess that which you want me to offer to you.

To sustain anything is a challenge I am unable to meet

Every second explodes with a million alterations

That invade my being

And that make it quiver.

How can I offer you a guarantee

When I have never known what it means.

___________________________________________ 

 Jan Worth

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Who are you?

I was born in Canton, Ohio to a preacher and his wife in 1949. My mother was 39 when she had me.  I have a sister who is ten years older than me, and I have a brother who is seven years older than me.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the endurance of one’s very first impressions of the world.  My world was full of people who were bigger than me.  They were imposing figures but nobody was quite happy.  I was surrounded by people who were fairly ill at ease and who made a lot of decisions about me. I didn’t really experience the world as a place that I had control over.  My job, it seemed, was to bring slivers of joy into this rather depressive unit.  Apparently I used to hold my breath until I blacked out to get their attention.  I remember only one of these episodes.  On the other hand, I somehow felt like I wasn’t really “one of them” and so I always assumed whatever was going to happen to me would have no connection to them. I was surrounded by religion, scripture, religious music, words – and my poems have a lot of the iambic pentameter of the King James Version in them.

My family always expected catastrophe:  my father’s father was killed during the Depression and his family lost their farm.  My mother’s father was a traveling evangelist who was always leaving, leaving, leaving, and her mother lost her mind.  I’ve gradually learned that the worst doesn’t always happen.  That’s been a great relief.

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To learn more about
Jan and her novel, Night Blind,
click the photo.

So, this avoids the question of who I am now.  I am just letting go of those first impressions of the world.  Not everyone else is bigger than me.  It is not my job to make everybody else happy.  I do not want to continue carrying my mother’s grief – she is dead.  I am profoundly in love with using words – I recently used the phrase “sanctimoniously reasonable” and I love how that sounds, and how perfect it is for what I meant at the time. That kind of thing gives me deep pleasure.

I am a woman who’s learning to breathe.  I’m a woman who’s gradually trusting my rhythms and my deep inclinations towards words, but I know words aren’t enough; sometimes, the body knows things – sometimes silence is best.  I’m a woman trying to be in the moment, as the saying goes. I know I can’t be alone all the time, and one of my greatest pleasures is sleeping with my husband.  I mean actually sleeping – the physical refuge and comfort of our conjugal bodies together.  I’m a woman who doesn’t know much of anything for sure.  I think the earth is spectacularly beautiful and I wish we weren’t ruining it.

How do you identify yourself in terms of your artistic craft?

See above – my ear is pretty closely attuned to the cadences of the old scriptures and hymns, even if my content isn’t always. I love working with sound; I want my poems, even the depressed ones, to be melodious. I love interesting words.  I am continually touched by the “natural world,” by air and fragrance and new growth.  I still generally believe in the individual ‘eye’ and ‘I’ although I know a single voice often isn’t enough.  But it’s what I have to work with.  Protestantism is very centered on the individual – on the individual’s private and rightful relationship to God.  In my case, I’ve taken that to mean I have the right to doubt.  And believe me, I do, and feel no guilt.

Please share significant moments in your life that really defined your artistry.

I was at Kent State University when the shootings happened in 1970; it was a turning point for me, making me believe the world was dangerous and sometimes short. I felt quite reckless for a time after that. Peace Corps in Polynesia shaped me in that I took myself on a giant adventure and survived it – I’ve written so much about that that I don’t have much more to say.  Flint has affected me, too, of course – the continual wrestling with its troubles, my first marriage to a Flint man and poet; the deterioration and collapse of our long marriage, the ruin of the place.   And then, discovering the joy, in my 50s, of a man who loves me – wow.  It’s been the biggest surprise of my life, and I’m profoundly grateful.  I’ve had to learn how to write happy poems.

Do you have a favorite poet, writer, and/or artist?

One of my first literary faves was the South African short story writer Nadine Gordimer.  I remember reading one of her short stories when I was about 14 or 15, working as a library page in Coshocton, Ohio.  I remember just standing in the stacks and reading a story where a lonely woman watched a herd of deer – it touched my heart and I thought, wow, you can write like that?  I also love the poems of James Wright, Theodore Roethke, Robert Hass, Adrienne Rich, Elizabeth Bishop, Heather McHugh, Marianne Boruch – many, many, too many to name. I’ve recently been reading Mary Ruefle’s essay collection Madness, Rack and Honey and I’m crazy in love with it.  I like poets who understand the human condition is totally complicated and exasperating, and who doubt the world and love it simultaneously.

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A Poem by Jan Worth

Missiles, October, 1962

My parents said

we should get new tires

in case rubber got rationed

again.  I caught the scent

of fear. Rubber burned the air,

left dismal grit

on Akron’s windowsills.

My mother went to bed,

middle of the day, sleepless,

sweating there for hours.

Rising, she seemed as tired

as before, blanket dents

on a cheek, hair flat on one side.

She left it like that.

I got my period, red splash.

Crawled into my parents’ bed,

rare day when my mother didn’t

get there first. Nestled

in the pride of new pain,

snuggling it, my own.  Got

my first bra, small poking

breasts tender to the touch.

“Little missile girl,” my father

cracked, looking at me mournfully

as if I was about to disappear

in some uranium half-life.

“Stop it,” my mother said.

I didn’t believe the world

would end.  There was going to be

plenty of time for me, to revel in

my vivid hurts, my lucky changes,

my charmed survival after

my mother and father were history.

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tcphoto_cw2Traci Currie is a Communication Studies lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years as an art gallery board member; spoken word series organizer for 5 years; performer, nationally and internationally; and published poet. She believes the PRC will help young women reach their highest potential.  “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.”


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Looking Good, Naturally!

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Are you Team Look Good, Feel Good, Naturally? Of course you are! So, you know a large part of cleaner living is moving toward using natural products for your hair, skin, and nails. And you also know that incorporating natural products into your daily routine can make your hair, skin, and nails feel as good as your body does with cleaner eating habits!

What is Clean Living? Well, we define it as making a commitment to informed decisions about the products we use and the foods we eat. The goal is to incorporate simple, sustainable, and healthful practices into your daily routines that are natural, nutritionally safe, and toxin-free for the body and home to cultivate clean living inside and out.

The products and regimens we’re providing are inexpensive, healthy alternatives – some can even be found in your kitchen!

HAIR

3 products SimoneOne of the most awesome things about having natural hair is versatility, and one of the most difficult parts about having natural hair is finding reliable products that work well with your hair type. For this we often turn to essential oils and conditioners made for sustaining healthy, natural hair.

Simone returned to natural twelve years ago, and started locking her hair in 2007. She usually wears her hair down or in protective hair styles, such as buns and pigtails (she is really obsessed with pigtails right now!), and she loves using coconut oil because it promotes hair growth by penetrating and moisturizing the scalp. When it comes to washing, it is an all day affair! She starts by using a combination of apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, baking soda, sea salt, and warm water to cleanse her scalp (and to promote shine). Then, she uses a few of her favorite Shea Moisture products to condition and shampoo her hair.

Aisha is three years into being natural and loves it. Depending on the day, the weather, or her school schedule, you can catch her with wash-n-go curly tresses, a protective style, or an occasional press-out. With that in mind, most of her favorite products are oils! Jojoba, argan, coconut, and peppermint – just to name a few. All of these oils work to maintain the moisture that hair needs. For wash-n-go hair (by co-washing), a leave in conditioner is essential, followed by oils to seal in the moisture. For a protective style, a good spray of oils fights hair breakage, allowing the style to actually protect the hair, not hurt it. If you are pressing your hair – which should be done sparingly, as too much heat can be damaging – oil can be used to seal the ends of your hair and maintain a healthy scalp. Remember, moisturized hair is healthy, happy hair!

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 SKIN CARE

photo (6)Some of Aisha’s favorite natural skin care products come from Lush, a cosmetics company that prides itself on the creation of fresh handmade products. She enjoys indulging in various handmade soaps (especially one made out of honey), soaking in oatmeal baths, and rubbing her body down with handmade lotion. Although buying handmade cosmetics comes at a price, we have to pick and choose how we’re going to treat ourselves, and this is where Aisha indulges. Plus, none of the products she buys are tested on animals!

Oh, and have you ever heard of the Oil Cleansing Method? It is amazing! Simone loves using coconut oil, avocado oil, and/or olive oil to clean her face. She follows this routine everyday, especially after workouts to keep her face firm and clear of breakouts. These oils are also great for the entire body, so get obsessed!

Feminine Hygiene – Yes, down there! We use natural products EVERYWHERE.

Simone uses natural vaginal cleansers that are gentle and moisturizing – a lot of vaginal washes come in lavender, rose, and other scents. In fact, there are also many natural foods that promote womb wellness and give you a fresher, cleaner feeling. Natural health practitioner and author, Queen Afua gives some examples in her book, Heal Thyself for Health and Longevity, of live foods that can be eaten for healthy feminine hygiene and wellness: mango, papaya, coconut water, ginger, sorrel, honeydew, celery, parsnip, cucumber, and greens such as kale, spinach, and chard. And here’s a recipe for a natural cleansing bath:

  • 1tbsp. cinnamon
  • 3tbsp. rosewater/3tsps. rose oil
  • Natural foaming liquid
  • Handful of patchouli
  • 1-2 lbs. Dead Sea Salt (for deep relaxation)
  • Soak 20 – 30 minutes

And who loves a nice Brazilian wax? We do! Hey Fran Hey has an awesome recipe for a raw and organic hair remover that we cannot wait to try! You can also use this sugar wax on other parts of your body.

NAILS

Natural care for nails? Oh, but of course. Simone recently said goodbye to acrylic nails and hello to coconut oil to promote nail growth. Acrylic nails may look good, but they are very damaging and can often leave your nail bed weak and unattractive after removing them. For Simone, coconut oil has been the best solution for nail health and growth. The nutrients in the oil help to strengthen your cuticles and the nail bed, too. Massage coconut oil into your hands and nails two to three times a week, and before you know it, you will have long, strong claws! Okay, maybe you don’t want claws, but the strength is to die for.

We realize that all of this may be super overwhelming, so we’ve compiled a list of our favorite resources and products that we hope you’ll incorporate in your daily routine. Most of the products we use are raw and organic for an extra clean look and feel!

  • Jojoba Oil
  • Coconut Oil
  • Argan Oil
  • Peppermint Oil
  • Avocado oil
  • Olive oil
  • Shea Moisture Products
  • Kinky Curly Knot-Today Leave-In
  • Witch Hazel (for cuts)
  • Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine
  • Encyclopedia of Healing Foods

Remember that becoming au naturel is a process. Your health and sanity are important, so be patient with yourself when it comes to learning about clean products. Looking and feeling good from the inside out and the outside in are a commitment, so take the time to get your research on. Invest in yourself. Go ‘head—get to know the skin you’re in!

Tip: Before buying ALL of these products, pair up with a friend so you can find what works best for you without wasting money.

Happy cleaning!

Simonepic2Simone Savannah is an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably.

 

AISHA_BLOG[PHOTO]Aisha Upton is a first year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests: Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance.

 

Be sure to continue following Aisha + Simone’s unique take on Life + Style and the importance of letting who you are shine through when it comes to self-care, and defining your personal style.


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The Quilting Story Revealed: An Artist’s Path to Her Passion

I fell in love with Faith Ringgold’s art years ago when I was studying quilts as a media art form. Yes, quilts as a media form. This may be hard to imagine, but the book Hidden in Plain View: A Secret Story of Quilts and the Underground Railroad discusses the utility of these artistic blankets, far beyond keeping the family warm.  The quilts contained messages, codes, maps, and stories for a specific culture; more specifically, the quilts led many enslaved African women and men to freedom.  As an artist and activist Faith Ringgold talks about her artistry as a way of sharing one’s story and self-identity.

 You can’t sit around waiting for somebody else to say who you are. You need to write it and paint it and do it. That’s where the art comes from. It’s a visual image of who you are. That’s the power of being an artist.

-Faith Ringgold

In the MAKERS documentary she said Aunt Jemima was the first Story Quilt she made. She chose to rewrite Aunt Jemima’s life story as an entrepreneur. Many people should remember Aunt Jemima if they eat pancakes – she is the woman on the syrup bottle that had a do-rag on her head, and years later transitioned to an Afro or maybe it is a Jheri curl (still to this day). Regardless, this Mammy caricature became the quintessential figure for the product – eventually selling syrup to millions of pancake lovers. Faith talks of reshaping the history of women so that we can accurately portray ourselves in an empowering light. More importantly, women can define themselves for themselves.

It is Faith’s words that led me to the feature for March, Women’s Herstory Month – Ernestine Holmes.

Ernestine is an extraordinary quilt artist, and I learned about her quilts a few years ago. I had the opportunity to see some of them during a demonstration speech. I was amazed at the detail and craftsmanship, so last December I sat down with her to discuss what led her to this rich and vibrant art form.

This 74-year old soft-spoken and gutsy artist was born in Arkansas, and she is the oldest of five siblings. She spent most of her adolescence in Arkansas until her father’s job in the automotive industry transferred the family to Michigan. While there, Ernestine was home schooled until she moved to the Midwest; she talked about her experience in the segregated school she attended, and how Black History was not allowed to be taught, but regardless, she had teachers who taught it.

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Ernestine was always familiar with sewing. Her mother taught her to sew, and she credits her mother and grandmother, who both made Utilitarian Quilts, with inspiring her desire to quilt. They also made Anglo Saxon Quilts that were showcased at fairs, and regularly won ribbons. In the 1970s Ernestine received a scholarship from the Urban League to attend Academy Nvart in Southfield, Michigan. Her passion was to learn Couture Design, which she did.

However, Ernestine did not start quilting until she retired in 1992 from General Motors. At the age of 53 she decided to pursue her passion. She says she officially started quilting in 1994. Four years later she joined the African American Quilters in Flint, and then joined another group, the Michigan Quilt Network, where she started exhibiting her quilts annually.

I asked her about the messages in her quilts, and she explained that some of them tell a story while others focus on specific patterns that repeat themselves throughout the work. Ernestine also shared that her quilt that focuses on the African Diaspora was created because she specifically wanted to show how the slave trade affected cultures around the world. Out of the 200 plus quilts she has made, she stated that this one was her favorite.

Ernestine also expressed one of the challenges she has with quilting – selling her work.  She is preparing for an exhibition this spring, and this is a very big deal, given the fact that she often sells quilts on commission. Selling her pieces has not been a common occurrence as there is an attachment to the art she creates. She explained that at times her challenge with people is whether or not they recognize and value the time and effort she puts into creating each quilt. And she doesn’t necessarily work on one quilt at a time; it simply depends. After looking at her extensive collection that covered her whole house, I realized how important Faith Ringgold’s words are – an artist can become the art she is creating.  Ernestine says, “If you spend your time creating something you should be financially rewarded for it. When I went to Africa I wouldn’t barter with the people.” She says it was difficult to negotiate prices for the art she saw.

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Finally, I asked Ernestine if there is something she does beyond quilting. She named two activities: golfing and traveling. Due to time, it has been a challenge balancing her personal interests, but her plan is to return to these two activities and continue creating beautiful quilts.

Here’s to Ernestine Holmes – a quilter, storyteller, activist, and indeed an artist!

Other Sources:

Utilitarian Quilts – Ernestine explained that Utilitarian Quilts are made out of the old clothing, specifically created to keep the family warm.

TC[photo_CW2]Traci Currie is a Communication Studies lecturer at University of Michigan-Flint, as well as a knit-crochet artist, writer, and spoken word performer. She has been a part of the art world for over 15 years in many capacities: art gallery board member; overseeing a spoken word series for 5 years; performing nationally and internationally; published poet. She believes Phoenix Rising Collective will help young women reach their highest potential and pay-it-forward. “This organization is about empowering women to take ownership of their lives, claim their identities and be the positive change they wish to see in the world they live.”

You can also read about Traci’s journey to self-love, as this contributing writer was also a LYFF feature: click here.


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Smoothies, Soothe Me! Healthy Green Goodness that Packs a Delicious Punch

green-machine-smootie-mbd108052_vertJust when we thought Oreos could cure our heartache and the empty feeling in our stomachs, we were introduced to green smoothies. Green smoothies? How disgusting, right? Wrong.

Let us tell you that green smoothies are awesome! We decided to start drinking these clean, protein packed Mason jars full of heaven when we realized that although we were cutting out a lot of unhealthy foods, we forgot to add more fruits and veggies to our diets. Green smoothies give you the fruits and veggies you need, and are catalysts to establishing cleaner eating habits. Since we’ve started drinking them, we have a lot more energy, eat less junk food, and rely a lot less on sugary, caffeinated drinks, though we do ‘love us some’ chai and coffee. After drinking a smoothie, we feel happy and full. We get to sip on something that makes us feel good and look good at the same time.

I guess you could say that we make, “Eww, what are you drinking?” look fabulous. Furthermore, smoothies are not only perfect for giving you that fabulous ooh-I’m-health-conscious look, but they also provide your body with protein, making for great pre and post workout meals. Just be sure to add hemp, whey, and/or flax seed powder to give you the extra kick you’ll need to run those 13.1 miles in the spring half marathon!

We have to say that incorporating healthier foods in our diets has not always been easy. And though that pack of Oreos and glass of wine you had the day Microsoft Word did not recover your 25-page seminar paper won’t kill you, neglecting to really take care of yourself may knock some years off your life. We realize how important it is to invest in our bodies in multiple ways. On a typical day, we meditate/pray, throw up our hair in a high ponytail, slide on the spandex, and whip out our cutting boards; however, by the end of the day (or by 3am when we’re retyping that 25-page paper), there’s the realization that it wasn’t our pearls, nerdy glasses, honeycomb hats, or frankincense oil that got us through the day—it was the time we took to invest in ourselves from the inside out.

So, today, that’s all we ask. Invest in yourself from the inside out. Tell yourself that looking and feeling good does not start with that Satin Rebel lipstick; every kiss begins with green—okay, that didn’t work? Anyway, guzzle down a green smoothie, and take care of everything else when you’re done (or while green smoothies are so cool that you can drink them on the go)!

Want to feel better, too? (Because we know you already look good!) Here are some of our favorite recipes:

 

Aisha’s Green Smoothie aka Almost Everything Green Smoothie:

1 ½ cups of coconut milk (or rice, or almond milk)

½ cups kale (or chard – I mix it up)

1 handful of spinach

¾ cup strawberries

½ a kiwi

Half of a cucumber

1 granny smith apple

1 Tablespoon of rice protein

1 Tablespoon of ground flax seed

Aisha prefers to add the ingredients to the blender in this order, blending after each new addition: milk and leafy greens, apples and strawberries, cucumber and kiwi, flax seed and protein.

 

Simone’s Green Smoothie aka Excuse Me While I Make My Green Smoothie Blue-Green Smoothie:

1 ½ cups of coconut water

1 tbs. of spirulina

2 frozen banana

1 tbs. of carob powder

2 tbs. of almond butter

3 tbs. of raw honey

1 granny smith apply

1 tbs. of flax seed oil

¾ cups of strawberries

A pinch of Himalayan pink salt

Simone prefers to add the coconut water first, throw everything else into the blender, and then blend until it’s pretty.

Many sources like Hey Fran Hey, and Simple Green Smoothies offer inspiration and recipes for cleaner eating through drinking green smoothies. A concern a lot of people have with the smoothie life is wasting their fruits and vegetables. A solution for this is to freeze all of the ingredients for your green smoothies in quart size freezer bags with the ingredients in the order they will be added to the blender. Freezing the ingredients saves a lot of prep time, and makes the smoothies cold and delicious. We usually put our shakes in a Blender Bottle or Mason jar, and carry it with us to campus! Since it’s frozen, it stays cold for hours.

Happy (green) eating!  *sips*

 

AISHA_BLOG[PHOTO]Aisha Upton is a first year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests include Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance.

 

Simonepic2Simone Savannah is an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably.

 

Be sure to continue following Aisha + Simone’s unique take on Life + Style and the importance of letting who you are shine through when defining your personal style.

 

Copyright for PHOENIX SHINE

© The Phoenix Rising Collective, 2013. Please note that unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material without express and written permission from PHOENIX SHINE’S authors and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the Phoenix Rising Collective and its contributing writers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


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7 Daily Practices to Revitalize the Mind, Body, and Soul

health_and_wellness[BlackWomen]

Peace and blessings, beloved hearts! I am feeling blessed as I put my pen to paper to share my thoughts, ideas, and experiences with you about living a healthy, wealthy life. In my previous post Health is W.E.A.L.T.H.S: Practicing Self-Care, Maintaining Wellness, I discussed the basic keys to wellness with the acronym W.E.A.L.T.H.S. (water, exercise, air, light, thinking happy thoughts, healthy foods, and sleep). Let’s further explore this concept with some holistic health tips that can be incorporated into your daily life to revitalize the mind, body and soul.

 Water Therapy: Break Fast with Water

Start your day off with water.  One to two cups of warm tea or room temperature water upon rising will cleanse the bowels, energize your body, and clear your mind.  Water enhanced with fresh lemon juice is a simple and easy body cleanser that you can drink daily to decrease mucus and stimulate the digestive system.

 exercise_blogpostExercise: Yoga Therapy – Mountain Pose

We will start off with the foundation of all standing yoga poses: The Mountain Pose.  Even though this is a simple pose, many people still lack proper alignment.  In the words of Master Hip hopper KRS-ONE, “stand upright, not uptight.” Do you stand firm through the stormy weathers of life or do you slouch and mope?

The first thing I teach my students in yoga class is how to stand. Begin by holding the intention of Ankh Udja Seneb (life, health, and prosperity). Mountain is the basic pose for alignment. From an energetic perspective, this pose activates both the root and brow chakra.

Stand with the feet hip-width apart. From the crown through the spinal cord are the points of alignment for this pose. Root yourself into the floor by engaging your feet. The four corners of the feet are grounded, use your imagination to root yourself into the earth. The weight should be evenly distributed between both feet. There is a softening at the knee (or a slight flexion of the knee), as well as a lifting of the quadriceps femoris (the thigh muscles) into the pelvis.

Slightly lift from the crown of the head, aligning it with the torso. The rib cage is knitted, or slightly drawn towards the spine, deepening respiration. The shoulder blades are relaxed after breathing up, back, and down toward the earth. The chin is parallel to the earth. The sacrum is released down. The pelvic floor is lifted and aligned with the torso and head.  The vertebral column is in its naturally curved position.  The body is now in perfect balance. Bring the hands to your heart-center and allow yourself to relax and receive the medicine from this simple pose.

breathe_blogpostAir: Breath Awareness

Bring your awareness to your breath as air flows into your body.  Breathing is your most precious possession; it is powerful and magical because it connects you to your mind and body – the conscious and unconscious.

Proper breathing nourishes your body, reduces stress (which induces relaxation), and opens the way for healing.

Place the hands gently over the naval area.  As you breathe in, allow your belly to expand, and while breathing in, the belly goes in. Feel the movement of your hands as you breathe in and out, slow and deep, expanding and contracting. As you breathe correctly, notice the stillness of your thoughts and the awareness of the life force energy that flows through you completely.

Continue inhaling and exhaling, deep and slow, and with calm and ease – no pressure or control, just awareness.  Allow each breath to bring you to the present moment.  Fill your belly and lungs with your healing breath. Imagine the breath flowing in and out of your body as a shimmery electronic healing presence. Consciously send breath to those parts of you that may be in need of healing.

light_blogpostLight: Vitamin D

The best form of light besides lightness of the heart is soaking in rays from our shining star, the Sun. According to the Vegetarian Cooking School Cookbook by Danny & Charise Vierra, “Every living thing in our world is dependent on sunlight. Without sunlight nothing would live.”

The following discoveries show the benefits derived from the sun:

  1. It lowers blood sugar and blood pressure.
  2. It lowers cholesterol by converting it to vitamin D.
  3. It utilizes calcium and phosphorus.
  4. It increases red and white blood cells.
  5. It strengthens the immune system.
  6. It calms the nerves and increases adrenaline.
  7. It destroys germs on the skin and reverses jaundice.
  8. It increases circulation.
  9. It helps eliminate pesticides and other chemicals from the system.

 

Sunlight is by far the best form of Vitamin D you can receive. Any opportunity that you get to bask in the sun, please do. Small amounts of vitamin D are said to be in dandelion greens, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, vegetable oils, and herbs such as alfalfa, horsetail, nettle, and parsley.

For those of you who may be concerned about sunburn, take a look at this recipe for natural sunscreen.

Ingredients:

 Thinking Happy Thoughts

Negative thinking leads to negative living. We’ve heard this many times, but repetition is the best teacher, so I will say it again, “Thoughts are power.” How you decide to wield this power is up to you. There is a stream of well being that flows, and positive thinking puts you in alignment with this stream, so focus your attention on what brings joy and you will experience more joy.

Affirmation: Consistent adherence to the laws of health are absolutely necessary for spiritual development and success in life. Every cell in my body knows how to be well.

healthy_foods_blogpostHealthy Food: Immune Builders

A few of the best foods to consume to prevent colds and to nourish and protect the body during the harsh winter months are: spirulina, blackstrap molasses, ginger, apples, lemon and other citrus fruits, apples, raw greens (kale, spinach, baby greens), steel cut oatmeal, cayenne, onions, garlic, quinoa. Prepave your way to a healthier lifestyle with high quality organic or sustainably grown fruits & vegetables. Check out Circle 77 for more details on my non-profit organization’s food buying club.

Sleep

Many people are suffering from lack of sleep. Sleep is the greatest rejuvenator! It restores strength to your muscles, nerves, and brain. During sleep the body repairs, re-energizes, and prepares for renewed activity. One hour of sleep before midnight is equal to two hours of sleep after midnight, so make an effort to go to bed before 10 o’clock.

Peaks in melatonin, the body’s natural healing hormone, take place between hours nine and 12PM. If you suffer from insomnia, a soothing salt bath, relaxing stretches, and prayer or meditation can help you. Lastly, eat before sunset so that your body will have time for food digestion, and to prevent interference with your sleep.  Sweet Dreams!

systar_roni_ausetSystar Roni Auset is a licensed yoga instructor, healthy living practitioner, holistic educator, and master joyologist! Her aim is to improve her community’s quality of life by promoting a healthy lifestyle. By offering educational workshops, health oriented events, youth productions, and training programs, Systar Roni teaches and encourages holistic health as a way to empower people to make choices that will positively impact their own health and that of their peers, families, and communities. Using the latest information about nutrition and natural living, as well as sharing knowledge about the benefits of physical activity and meditation, she intends to be a strong source of vitality within the community. If  you would like to schedule a workshop/yoga class, participate in the Circle 77 buying club, or support her work with youth,  please visit The Children Shall Lead Them Productions.


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Making Positive Change Happen in Your Life: Awesome Tips and Creative Ways to Achieve Your Personal Goals

simone_aisha[quote]New Year’s resolutions, almost everyone has made one. But the beginning of the year doesn’t have to be the only time to make changes or set goals. It’s important to think outside of the New Year’s box about resolution making. We all have various strategies for making changes. See a change that needs to take place in your life? Hop on it, no matter what month it is.

Working toward achieving a goal should be a daily practice. We’ve all felt overwhelmed when it comes to completing tasks and achieving goals. Breaking down your goals into daily pieces can also help prevent becoming overwhelmed by them and can give you the space to ease into lifestyle changes.

 A to-do list can be a useful tool for achieving daily goals:

  1. Write down what you need to accomplish and do not remove it from the list until it is done!
  2. Hold yourself accountable for every item and reward yourself for completing it.
  3. If for some reason a to-do item cannot be accomplished, make it the very first item for the following day.
  4. Write a message at the top of your list that will encourage your completion of each task.

 

Our favorite encouragement quotes?

quotes[blog]

These messages serve as constant reminders that you do, in fact, ‘got this’ and that your power comes from the work you do. So, get out your notepad and werk!

Making a to-do list isn’t the only way to set and achieve your goals. When we have goals that cannot be accomplished in one day, we look to other tools for growth and development, such as a vision board.

A vision board is a great way to visualize your purpose and long term goals:

  1. Break out your favorite magazines.
  2. Cut and paste pictures that reflect your journey onto a large poster board.
  3. Hang up your vision board in a place that you visit every day so that you constantly see your plan for development.
  4. Track your progress.

 

There are tons of ways to visualize your goals and life path. We recognize that creating to-do lists and vision boards, can also be overwhelming. Where do you start? And what happens when you can’t get anything done? How do you lose the stress and get back on track? Answer: We can’t tell you, because you know YOU best. As PhD students, researchers, and instructors, we are constantly on the go. We forget to eat, sleep (which is totally optional in graduate school), and sometimes we forget our to-do lists at home. And then there are moments where we get sidetracked taking self-portraits and posting them (and photos of Ice-T and Napoleon – our cat and dog) to Instagram. These things can make achieving our goals overwhelming, so constantly checking in with ourselves is what gives us room to breathe and get back on track.

vision_altar[photos]

Simone’s Personal Altar and Vision Board
Photo Credit: Simone Savannah

Make time to check in with yourself and affirm your spirit. Create a time for reflection. Before (or after) you break out your favorite M.A.C lipstick and lip liner, really take time to reflect on who you are as well as your desires and needs. This “me time” may help you realize the changes you need to make and how you may choose to go about making them. Additionally, create a space for reflection. Try decorating a table with your favorite pictures (of yourself and loved ones), affirmations, and letters. Visit this space every day. It could serve as a starting point for your day, and a reminder that you are powerful and loved by the most important people in this world.

We believe that setting goals and affirming one’s spirit are necessary for growth and development. As we approached the New Year, our own self-reflections and our friends constantly reminded us that changes needed to be made. We knew that last year’s goals needed revising and that a new year meant we had to throw out old lipsticks and invite something new into our lives. So, today, as you work on completing tasks and taking care of you, we also encourage you to ask yourself, “Turn down for what?” Perhaps who we mean to quote is Maya Angelou when she says, “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”

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About the Contributing Writers:

simone_writer[shine]Simone Savannah is an English instructor and contributing writer for the Project on the History of Black Writing at the University of Kansas. She is currently pursuing a PhD in English-Creative Writing and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her poetry is based on personal experiences she can’t let go—imagined or otherwise. Simone also enjoys making green smoothies, attending Bikram Yoga classes, and laughing uncontrollably. 

 

aisha_writer[shine]Aisha Upton is a first year PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, studying Sociology and Women’s Studies. Her research interests: Black women in service organizations and violence against Black women. She is passionate about many things including community service, lipstick, baking, thrifting, knitting, and being a proud owner of a Cockapoo, Napoleon. At the intersection of being a diligent student, a fashionista, and an activist – you will find Aisha, attempting to find a balance.