Love Yourself First | The Phoenix Rising Collective

Love Yourself First! Friday (LYFF) is part of our Shed Light series collection. We invite women to tell their LYFF stories to inspire and empower others to also fiercely demonstrate self-love in action. The questions are meant to “shed light” on various ways our featured Phoenixes are making self-care and intentional living a priority.

This week’s motivated and courageous Phoenix is Darlene, Founder of Sisters in Spirit:

On September 1, 2014 Sisters in Spirit (SIS) invited the public to join us in a 30-day self-love challenge. With so many other challenges going on, using Facebook as a platform, we thought: “Why not challenge others for the greatest cause of all? Self-love.” Every experience is framed by how much we love ourselves!

In the journey, posting an inspiring self-love message and photo each day, I began to feel that this cause had grown much bigger than SIS. Personally, I began thinking more about what and how I ate, who I was spending my time with and what I was spending it on, and what I was thinking as I went about my day. More importantly, the biggest question was, “Am I doing whatever I am doing with self-love?”

Two quotes that hit me the most were:

The highest spiritual practice is self-observation, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. -Swami Kripalu
She realized that life was what it was. And suddenly she understood the only part of it she had any control over was how she lived it, so she chose to do it with self-love. -Queenisms

I was thriving on this self-love until one day a heavy funk hit me out of the blue. I swam in and out of it for about two weeks. My co-worker noticed it, and so did one of my yoga instructors. They both said I wasn’t my normal, cheery self. I noticed it, but I didn’t understand what it was. I didn’t understand how I could be so deep in the celebration of self-love and allow a funk to overcome me.

One day I just allowed myself to feel the funk. I sat outside in the sun and began to question the feeling. Nothing was wrong with me physically. I had no major issues to speak of, so what was the problem? Then it hit me. It was depression! I had experienced this feeling related to the death of my son, but it had been so long since I’d had the feeling, I’d forgotten what it felt like. The moment I identified it, I understood that this pain in my body wanted to live. It didn’t want to be shed in my 30-day self-love journey. It was fighting fiercely to stay alive. Once I experienced that revelation, I could let the habit go. When I let go, it let go as well. I was encompassed by an overwhelming joy. A joy so powerful, that thinking of it makes me happy!

It’s never too late to start your own challenge. In fact, right now is the perfect time to embrace self-love. Be-YOU-tiful!

Thank you, Darlene, for sharing your LYFF story. You’re definitely a Phoenix rising.

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Start Your Own 30-Day Self-Love Challenge:

It’s a new year. In fact, a new month is starting soon! What a perfect time to start your own 30-Day Self-Love Challenge. Make a list of things you plan to do during the process. What self-care rituals will you participate in on a daily/weekly basis? Be sure to include things that you’ve never done and to journal about what “comes up” for you during the journey – positive or negative. Journal entries throughout the 30-days may include;

Daily gratitude at the end of your day (even for the little things)
What experiences bring you happiness and joy (so that you can do more of them)
What actions boost your self-esteem and empower how you feel about yourself
What and who depletes your energy and how you can change that to create a more fulfilling experience that aligns with your intentional living practices
Your favorite quotes that motivate you to be self-love in action

Like Darlene, observe and examine any emotional and/or physical resistance you may feel. Don’t ignore it. Go through it, as your personal healing and growth are on the other side. Be patient with yourself, and also celebrate each step you take toward giving yourself the love you deserve.

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If you’d like to share your self-love story with The Collective contact us here.

Love Yourself First! Friday is a bi-weekly self-love series created by The Phoenix Rising Collective. Beautiful, diverse women tell stories of triumph, share personal affirmations, and declare love for their lives! The series is meant to inspire and empower women to fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive self-esteem. Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.

Love Yourself First! Friday (LYFF) is part of our Shed Light series collection. We invite women to tell their LYFF stories to inspire and empower others to also fiercely demonstrate self-love in action. The questions are meant to “shed light” on various ways our featured Phoenixes are making self-care and intentional living a priority. This week’s motivated and courageous Phoenix is Latisha:

How do you love yourself first? What does that mean to you?

I think the most important element to loving yourself first is having a deep understanding of who you are and the things that are most important to you, things that bring you happiness. It takes time to unravel the real nature of yourself , since we learn and grow through trials and errors. For me, I am great friends with myself. I love me. I feel that I’m beautiful. My beauty is enhanced by the love I have for life and helping others feel the same way. I appreciate my uniqueness and know that no one else is like me. I want to be the best I can be and improve each day. I understand that I have greatness within and believe God made everyone special. I embrace my love for life and am constantly working on the barriers that lie within; and as I do, it brings me closer to peace and love, and also understanding who I am. I know we can’t fully love anyone until we love ourselves.

What actions demonstrate the self-care you provide to your mind, body, and soul? (Exercise, healthy eating, spiritual practice, etc)

My spiritual well being is very important to me. I love God, and I believe that with Him first in my life, all things are possible. I include God in every decision and thought I make. I keep prayer in everything I do. Spiritually, I am connected with God and that keeps me at peace – even during tough times.

I love to read and have quiet time. For example, I love reading biographies. True stories give me different perspectives on life and a larger lens to appreciate everyone’s struggle.

Exercise has always been a priority, too. I am up at 5am, in the comfort of my home, exercising every day. It empowers me, and it keeps my mind and soul clear of clutter. Exercise also gives me energy, keeps me healthy, and makes me appreciate the temple God has given us. Clean and leaner eating is a must in my life. I indulge in a few carbs every now and then for a treat, but I eat lots of vegetables, fruit, and protein to sustain my youthful and healthy lifestyle. I’ve lost 20 pounds over the last year, and I feel great!

Lastly, I also love spending time with my family. We love to travel. I am a beach bum and love being near the ocean. I think it’s the closest thing to heaven we will see while on earth.

Is there an obstacle or challenge that you’ve overcome that led you to a deeper love for who you are?

Yes, I am hearing impaired. I was born in the 1960s with a progressive hearing loss that damaged my nerve cells. My mom died when I was six weeks old, leaving my dad and grandmother to raise me, and they also had hearing impairments. My impairment went undiagnosed until I was 19 years old. I remember that as a young child I took speech classes and constantly took hearing tests. I was told to sit in front of the classroom, but I was never told that I needed a hearing aid or had hearing loss. I always thought I heard well. The blessing is that when I was born I heard the beginning of language, and that formed my communication.

I remember never being able to hear the words in a song or what was said on a TV show. I also recall that in 5^th grade my grades began to plummet, and that carried on until I graduated from high school. I did graduate, but I missed out on so much in school. However, I always had this tireless drive to succeed. I stayed in talent shows or on stage performing; again, never realizing that I wasn’t hearing so much, yet still beating the odds.

After moving from Ohio (where I’m from) and living with my older sister in New Jersey. She immediately recognized that I couldn’t hear well. She had me tested. During that one visit, the specialist explained to me how my life was from newborn to 19 years old. I was flabbergasted. My heart sunk to the bottom of my feet. I cried and grieved. At that point, I understood that I’d never really heard words, but had mastered reading lips. I was proud that I did that, but my goals and desires for my life went in another direction. I began the selective process of what I could or couldn’t do because of my hearing impairment. I had to learn to accept and embrace my disability. As time went on, I read more about my hearing loss and decided I wouldn’t allow it to stop me from the plans God has for me. After bypassing the insecurities about my hearing loss, I proudly wore my hearing aids and began the self-empowerment journey.

I always had a desire to continue my education. I completed 33 credits in the classroom with help from some great and phenomenal friends. They would take the same courses with me to write my notes. I am indebted to them for life. I had a few best friends who always made my phone calls for me and did anything to move the barrier that stopped me from effectively communicating. I stopped going to school after my buddies couldn’t go any longer. After a few years, I had the most beautiful son. I knew then I had to do more and better. I took the chance and registered with the University of Maryland’s Online Distance Education. Although online education had been around for a while, I was still skeptical and took a census for opinions about its effectiveness versus the classroom. There were some naysayers, but plenty of my friends and family supported me and said DO IT! I did. It was the greatest challenge that I appreciate to the fullest.

I started in 2003 and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Business with a minor in International Law in August 2008. That was the liberating point where I knew I could keep going. At the time, my job was restructuring and we had to attend a paralegal program and pass to keep our employment. I passed with flying colors. I received my paralegal certificate with honors in 2009. Oh no, I didn’t stop there! In 2010, I registered with Seton Hall University to receive my master’s degree in Strategic Communications. And guess what? To its entirety the classes were mainly in the classroom. I contacted Seton Hall’s Disability Support Services and was able to receive remote closed caption for each class. Wow, was I so excited! The professors and my classmates were very helpful during the whole process. I’m so thankful. Today, after 24 years I’m still working at Seton Hall University.

I am also a travel agent for Paycation. This is allowing me to build my network and reach higher goals. In addition, I would also like to teach. I trust God knows my desires of the heart since “He plans to give us hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

I’m so thankful for my family and friends that have supported and helped me overcome many obstacles.

What have you learned from self-love?

Self-love is about treating myself with special care and loving who I am. It’s not selfish. It’s what God intends for us to do. I can only love others completely when I love me first. I can care for others when I care for me. I do things that make me happy and keep me at peace, as self-acceptance is loving me. With that I am able to do things more freely and without concern about how others perceive me. No matter what I experience as good or bad, with self-love I will be provided a good, healthy balance of emotional well being. With self-love I accept others, and I accept kindness without expectation of anything else. Self-love means to care and accept myself with everything I got!

Thank you, Latisha! You are definitely a Phoenix rising! Happy Friday.

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If you’d like to share your self-love story with The Collective contact us here.

Love Yourself First! Friday is a weekly self-love series created by the Phoenix Rising Collective. Beautiful, diverse women tell their stories of triumph, share their personal affirmations, and declare their love for their own lives! The series is meant to inspire and empower women to fiercely demonstrate self-love in action in order to build and sustain healthy, positive self-esteem. Be sure to read some of our other inspiring stories.